Mrs. Ram's Jams

Tag: reading

• Book List: Books Read in October 2018

  Posted at 1:13 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on November 3, 2018

  

   

  

  

  

  

  Next October, I swear I’m going to read nothing but horror, thriller, and zombie novels.  I read quite the random mix, but I managed to squeeze in a few spooky-ish books for Halloween month.

  Let the monthly mini book reviews commence.

  (I swear, next month, I’ll write book reviews immediately after I finish reading books.****said with my fingers crossed behind my back****)

   

  • Where They Found Her by Kimberly McCreight: This checks off all the right mystery/suspense/thriller boxes. I’ve been dying to read McCreight’s Reconstructing Amelia, but my library system doesn’t own a copy.
  • Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil deGrasse Tyson: Tyson takes a mind-boggling concept and makes it quasi-understandable for normal folks. I felt small and insignificant, in a good way, while reading this book.
  • Seraphina (Seraphina, #1) by Rachel Hartman: I was in desperate need of a good dragon book when I picked up this. I wanted to love this YAL book about a half-human, half-dragon girl, but I just couldn’t.
  • Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain:  As a person who needs her quiet time, I was immediately taken with the title of this book and was not disappointed with its content. Cain critiques the American societal ideal of extroversion and argues the value of introversion in society. While it highlighted points that I’d already logically deduced myself, the data that Cain used to back up her research was fascinating.
  • How to Walk Away by Katherine Center: When am I going to learn that I really don’t enjoy contemporary, mainstream chick lit/romance and stop wasting my time?  However, if you do enjoy that genre, you might enjoy this book. Margaret has it all, until she gets in a plane crash that her new fiancé caused that leaves her paralyzed. Beware of cheesy narration.
  • Shadow and Bone (Grisha Verse, #1) by Leigh Bardugo: Mehhhhhhh?  I rated it a 4 out of 5 stars on Goodreads because I try to evaluate books based on how much I enjoyed reading a book with a consideration of the genre, in this case YAL, in mind, but read Bardugo’s Six of Crows series instead. Seriously. If you love YAL and haven’t read Six of Crows yet, you’re missing out.
  • The Color of Magic (Discworld, #1; Rincewind #1) by Terry Pratchett: I wanted to love this novel because what’s not to love? It’s fantasy, sci-fi, and humor all rolled into one, but it’s ridiculously random and not my color of humor (But Twoflower’s luggage with legs is hilarious; I’ll give it that.). I prefer Kurt Vonnegut and Carl Hiaasen.
  • In the Woods (Dublin Murder Squad, #1) by Tana French: The cover of this book gives me the heebie jeebies. The protagonist, Detective Ryan, gets a murder case in his hometown that appears to have a connection with his own past. Is this a good book? Yes, but it is wordy.
  • The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman—­­The Graveyard Book was a perfect middle grade read. As a young boy, Nobody Owens finds himself in a graveyard after his family is slaughtered. Over the years, the beings of the graveyard raise him and keep him safe from the murderer who is still on the loose. It’s creepy, supernatural, and delightful.
  • Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel: This is a prettily written book about a future world that’s been devastated by a virus that wiped out most of the world’s population. It’s a great book, don’t get me wrong, but I prefer my post-apocalypse novels to be gritty and less romanticized. Give me Stephen King’s The Stand any day.
  • The Girl With All the Gifts (The Girl With All the Gifts, #1) by M.R. Carey: If you can’t read a zombie book during Halloween month, when can you? In the not so far dystopian future, zombies have taken over the world, but Melanie and a group of children like her are anomalies. Melanie has the zombie virus, and instead of acting like all the other mindless, flesh-eating monsters, she is sapient and can control her hunger. It was a fun read, but it was full of gaps in the storyline.
  • The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory. I. Need. To. Stop. Reading. Romance. Novels. I didn’t enjoy anything about this book, except the cover.
  • All the Ugly and Wonderful Things by Bryn Greenwood: Despite the terrible narrative technique (How many alternating narrators can you have in one novel? A bazillion, apparently.), a rushed ending, and a plot highlighting a pedophilic love affair, Greenwood’s novel is strangely addictive. I was eight different shades of uncomfortable reading it. It’s Sons of Anarchy meets The Thorn Birds.

  As always, any discussion is welcome, and I’m always looking for recommendations.

  All cover art taken from Goodreads.com.

   

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  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, book reviews, books, reading

• Book List and Reviews: What Mrs. Ram’s Jams Read in September

  Posted at 11:31 am by Mrs. Ram Jam, on October 6, 2018

                   

  September was a glorious reading month over here at Mrs. Ram’s Jams. I hit the 100 books read for the year mark, and read some great (and some less-than-great) books.

  For a full list of what I’ve read so far this year, you can check out my book challenge list at Mrs. Ram’s Goodreads Book Challenge.

  But without further ado, here’s my September reading list:

  • Uglies (Uglies, #1) by Scott Westerfeld. This has been on my YAL back burner for years, and a student’s copy, perched on her desk’s edge, reminded me of its existence. Premise: there are ugly people. Said ugly people have an operation to make them pretty when they turn 16. Some people in society question if uglies need to turn pretty and run away to start their own society. I had a hard time choking it down. At least it had a decent message? The fact that it’s on a student’s desk even though she’s been reading it the entire first nine weeks suggests how ***yawn*** it is.  
  • The Travelers by Chris Pavone. Every now and then, I need a good international thriller. Pavone doesn’t disappoint.
  • My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella. This was my least favorite read in September, and it’s chick lit at its worst.
  •  Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal. A twenty-something, second-generation Indian woman living in London thinks she’s teaching a creative writing class at a community center to widowed Sikh women, but the women are under the impression they’ve signed up for a course in learning to read English. What happens next? The. Widows. Start. Writing. Erotica. YESSSSSSSS!
  • Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik. Earlier this year, I read Novik’s Uprooted and exalted it, touting it as a book to reread. Her latest novel, Rumplestiltksin-inspired, doesn’t compare to Uprooted’s caliber in the slightest fashion, primarily in regards to narration.There are a bazillion first person narrators, and when they switch, the only clear demarcation of the new POV is a fancy symbol separating one narrator from the next.
  • Less by Andrew Sean Greer. This year’s Pulitzer Prize for Fiction winner is MORE than deserving of the prestige. Arthur Less, a well-meaning blundering novelist, goes on a transcontinental journey to escape the impending nuptials of his former boyfriend only to encounter even more problems along the way. It’s endearing and hilarious.
  • Ready Player One (Ready Player One, #1) by Ernest Cline. I had so much fun reading this book. It’s set in the dystopian future where the world plugs into OASIS, a virtual reality system, daily instead of existing in the real world. When OASIS’s creator dies, he unveils via a posthumous video that he has programmed in a contest for one winner to win his fortune. The protagonist, Wade Watts, is the first person to uncover the first clue. Gaming, virtual reality, and 80s nostalgia are jammed-packed into this novel, and Cline builds a kick-ass (albeit simulated) world.
  • The Seven Year Bitch by Jennifer Belle. Woman marries man. Has kid. Dreams of divorcing man. Fantasizes about man’s death. Flirts with a wealthy man throughout who tries to woo her away from her husband. You know, typical chick lit. Belle’s story line is damn predictable, but it’s funny and well-written.
  • Fierce Kingdom by Gin Phillips. Joan and her young son frequent the local zoo. One evening they stay until closing time, and when trying to exit the park, come across gunshot victims, signaling to Joan an active shooter situation. She takes her son back into the zoo for safety and spends the next three hours fighting for their survival. I fiercely recommend this thriller.
  • Ghosted by Rosie Walsh. Sarah immediately falls in love with Eddie and is sure of their connection. But then he vanishes, and she doesn’t hear from him for months. Despite an uneven opening chapter, it was enjoyable–for a romance novel.
  • Whistling Past the Graveyard by Susan Crandall. This book is a wannabe To Kill a Mockingbird, a tad silly in places, and more than inconceivable in others.

  P.S. Why do I struggle writing reviews for books I loved? It’s much easier to articulate why I didn’t like a book.  

  P.P.S.  I need to start writing reviews immediately when I’m done reading and save them for my monthly books read posts. This whole I’m-gonna-wait-until-the-month’s-end-process-and-review-everything-in-one-fell-swoop malarkey is trash.

  Note:  All cover art images were taken from Goodreads.

  Links to other book reviews and book lists by Mrs. Ram’s Jams:

  Book List: What Mrs. Ram Read Recently

  Mrs. Ram’s Jams Reading List for May, June, and (the First Half) of July

  The Books I Read in March and April

  Mrs. Ram’s Jams Reading List for January and February

  Top Twenty Books of 2017

  The Books I Read in 2017

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, book lists, book reviews, books, Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows, Fierce Kingdom, Ghosted, Less, reading, Ready Player One

• Mrs. Ram’s Jams Reading List for May, June, and (the First Half) of July

  Posted at 9:08 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on July 13, 2018

  

  For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been on the go. Last week my family and I vacationed in San Antonio, and now Little Thing and I are visiting family in Illinois through next week.

  If I had been smart, I would have written blogs to post prior to gallivanting across the country, but of course I didn’t. Mild writing panic has plagued me the past couple of weeks, so to make myself feel better and to make myself more hysterical about not writing, I read, voraciously.

  Not to mention, a “What I’ve Read” post is much overdue.  

  Here’s what I’ve read since May:

  • Force of Nature (Aaron Faulk, #2)–Jane Harper–It wasn’t as good as The Dry. I don’t know if I’ll continue with the rest of the series.  

  • The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo–Amy Schumer

  • Uprooted–Naomi Novik–If you love fantasy, read this book. I actually want to reread it, and I haven’t said that of a book in a long time.

  • The Essex Serpent–Sarah Perry

  • The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life–Mark Manson–I’m not a huge self-help book fan, but Manson gives a fresh take on several important ideas to keep in mind about life. I loved what he discussed in regards to certainty.  

  • Home Fire–Kamila Shamsie–This is a gorgeous modern-day retelling of Antigone. It’s a bit uneven in places, but a solid four out of five stars.

  • Red Rising (Red Rising Saga #1)–Pierce Brown–Science fiction awesomeness.  

  • Good Omens–Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman

  • A Brief History of Time–Stephen Hawking–Fascinating and surprisingly easy to read.  Did parts of it go way over my head? Yes, but who cares?

  • Golden Son (Red Rising Saga #2)–Pierce Brown

  • The Wife Between Us–Greer Hendricks & Sarah Pekkanen–Decent, but it does that whole unreliable/woman/alcoholic narrator thing, which I’m over at this point.  

  • Tiger Lily–Jodi Lynn Anderson

  • The Great Alone–Kristin Hannah–AMAZING!  

  • Love Hate & Other Filters–Samira Ahmed

  • The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing (Magic Cleaning #1)–Marie Kondo–My house looks phenomenal thanks to this book.  

  • Legendary (Caraval #2)–Stephanie Garber

  • Austenland (Austenland #1)–Shannon Hale–This is the second worst thing I’ve read all year.  

  • The Ghost Writer–Philip Roth

  • Fair Shot:  Rethinking Inequality and How We Earn–Chris Hughes

  • Tell Me More:  Stories about the 12 Hardest Things I’m Learning to Say–Kelly Corrigan–Corrigan’s voice is funny, poignant, and endearing. She’s a treasure. I’ll be reading more of her in the future.  

  • City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments #1)–Cassandra Clare–My students have been talking about this series for years, so I finally caved. It’s a solid YAL read, but Leigh Bardugo’s Six of Crows series, written loosely in the same vein, is much better.

  • Draft No. 4:  On the Writing Process–John McPhee

  • Mrs.–Caitlin Macy–This is the worst thing I’ve read to completion in years. The book blurbs ridiculously overhyped this book.  

  • The Element of Style (Elements of Composition Series)–William Strunk Jr. & E.B. White

  • City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments #2)–Cassandra Clare

  • Marlena–Julie Buntin

  • Red Sparrow (Red Sparrow Trilogy #1)–Jason Matthews–Way too long and slow, but totally entertaining. Who doesn’t love a good Russian spy story?  

  • You Are a Badass:  How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life–Jen Sincero–I was okay with this book until I got to Sincero’s misguided and dangerous rhetoric about depression.  

  • City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments #3)–Cassandra Clare

   
  As always, any discussion is welcome, and of course I’d love your recommendations.  

   

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, books, reading

• The Books I Read in March and April

  Posted at 9:48 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on May 11, 2018

  

  Because I was relatively immobile (Read more about that here) during March and April, I went a little book crazy.

  Here’s what I read with quips about the books peppered in.  

  March:  

  • The Crown (The Selection, #5)–Kiera Cass
  • Origin (Robert Langdon, #5)–Dan Brown
  • The Dry (Aaron Falk, #1)–Jane Harper–I loved this murder mystery set in Australia during a drought. The protagonist, Aaron Falk, is a federal agent and returns to his hometown, which he was chased out of as a teenager. While trying to unearth the truth about a suspected murder-suicide, Falk comes face to face with his past.   
  • The Horse Dancer–Jojo Moyes–Moyes is one of my favorite contemporary British authors. I admire her ability to layer humor into her plots, but I have zero interest in horses (NO OFFENSE TO MY HORSE LOVING FRIENDS; YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.) and a part of the novel was more than a tad far-fetched. This was a tough read for me.  
  • Room–Emma Donoghue–Told from the perspective of five-year-old Jack, born and raised in captivity, Donoghue encapsulates the wonder and terror of a child observing the outside world for the first time.    
  • A Little Life–Hanya Yanagihara–I’m going to say it. I wasn’t a huge fan of this book. 1. It didn’t have to be quite the tome it is. The editing choices, or lack thereof in some places, could have shaved a massive chunk off the book. Maybe I just didn’t get the author’s style. 2.The focus of this book is on friendships, and I get that, but when I’m reading a book that takes place over years, I think it’s negligent on the author’s part to choose not to incorporate historical context. 3.There’s too much rape, too much pedophilia, too much cutting, and too many suicide attempts.   
  • The Sunshine Sisters–Jane Green
  • The Bear and the Nightingale (Winternight Trilogy, #1)–Katherine Arden–Gorgeous. Lyrical but not pretentious. Set in a fantasy medieval Russia with a young heroine with magical gifts who is pigeonholed because of societal norms.
  • The Girl in the Tower (Winternight Trilogy, #2)–Katherine Arden–If anything, this book is more captivating than the first in the series.  

  

  April:

  • How to Stop Time–Matt Haig
  • Never Let Me Go–Kazuo Ishiguro
  • The Ninth Hour–Alice McDermott–I’m not quite sure that this book had a plot or was about anything . . .
  • One of Us Is Lying–Karen M. McManus–This YAL piece is after school detention turned into murder mystery.  I wouldn’t recommend it for adult readers, but my students would totally snarf this right up.  
  • Sh*t My Dad Says–Justin Halpern–Pretty damn funny.
  • Furiously Happy–Jenny Lawson–Lawson is by far my favorite autobiographical comedy writer, and this book doesn’t disappoint. In this book she talks more openly about her battle with mental illness than in Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, my favorite read of last year.  
  • The Rules of Magic (Practical Magic, #1)–Alice Hoffman—I’ve never met a book by Alice Hoffman that I didn’t like. She’s one of the best magical realist authors out there.  
  • The Lying Game–Ruth Ware
  • The Last Black Unicorn–Tiffany Haddish–I started watching Haddish’s stand-up after my friend showed me Haddish’s appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live where she relays the tale of going on a Groupon-bought swamp boat tour with Will and Jada Pinkett Smith. Haddish is hilarious. Her comedic talent is apparent in the book, but watching her perform the same vignettes in front of a camera is so much better. The book is worth the read though. Or at least Google search “Haddish Swamp Boat Tour” and watch. You’re welcome.
  • Norse Mythology–Neil Gaiman–I’m not a huge fan of reading mythology for fun, but I adore Gaiman. He manages to put a fresh spin on the myths.  
  • The Immortalists–Chloe Benjamin–Four siblings visit a fortune teller and learn the dates of their deaths. The book chronicles the decades of the aftermath and does what A Little Life didn’t do for me–situates the characters’ lives within historical context.  
  • Naked–David Sedaris
  • An American Marriage–Tayari Jones–Read this book.     
  • Young Jane Young–Gabrielle Zevin
  • The Woman in the Window–A.J. Finn–Even though I knew the first turn this psychological thriller was going to take before it happened and it features a much-too-popular-unreliable-alcoholic-female narrator, I compulsively read this novel about an agoraphobic woman who witnesses a murder (or does she?). I totally sobbed at one part, too.  
  • Still Me (Me Before You, #3)–Jojo Moyes–Louisa Clark moves to New York City to work for an uber wealthy family. Yes, it is terribly predictable, but who doesn’t need more Lou in their lives?  

  What have you read recently friends?  Also, any discussion about the books listed is more than welcome.  

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, books, read, reading, writing

• Mrs. Ram’s Jams Reading List for January and February

  Posted at 2:31 am by Mrs. Ram Jam, on March 10, 2018

  

  

  I am failing miserably at my New Year’s resolutions. (Read more here: Mrs. Ram’s Jams New Year’s Resolutions)

  One of my goals was to do yoga everyday, but my mangled foot and its bootiness has shattered that resolution.

  And while I declared writing was going to take precedence over reading this year, I knocked out 19 books from January to February, which is three more than I read in the first two months of last year.

  Old habits do die hard.

  At this point in the school year with summer in sight, it’s just so much easier to read and consume rather than write and produce. The third nine weeks student apathy that runs rampant through January, February, and March hits teachers smack in the face, too.

  It happens every year.

  Teachers, you know what I’m talking about–where your teacher brain declares anarchy mode–it takes an act of congress to force you to grade, lesson planning looks a lot like winging it, and you question your choice of profession daily.

  Anyway, here resides my third nine weeks coping mechanism (*cough cough* book list) for the first two months of 2018:

  January:

  1. The Art of Racing in the Rain–Garth Stein; This is a beautiful novel written from the point of view of a dog.
  2. I Can’t Make This Up: Life Lessons–Kevin Hart; I love funny books by funny people, and Kevin Hart is a funny person. Alas, this book was not that funny.
  3. The Stars Are Fire–Anita Shreve; Tightly written gorgeous sentences. Short. Romantical and different.
  4. A is for Alibi (Kinsey Milhone, #1)–Sue Grafton; Posthumously inspired read (R.I.P. Sue Grafton). A solid murder mystery.
  5. Artemis–Andy Weir; I’m glad I finally boarded the Andy Weir rocket. Not as good as The Martian, but it hits all the right science fiction buttons.
  6. Genuine Fraud–E. Lockhart; This was a YAL disappointment.  I loved Lockhart’s We Were Liars and frequently recommend it to my middle schoolers.
  7. Everything I Never Told You–Celeste Ng; I attempted this novel through audiobook and switched to a hard copy. I love Ng’s sentences and needed her succinct similes and punctuation on a page versus air. This heavy read about a teenage girl’s drowning and her self-involved parents highlight the pressures that parents unwittingly force on their children.
  8. Magpie Murders–Anthony Horowitz; For as highly rated as this murder mystery is, it fell short for me. There are two books in one here, and I’d rather read one book at a time, thank you very much.
  9. The Selection (The Selection, #1)–Kiera Cass; This book and whole series is YAL crack. I’m not the first person to describe it as The Bachelor meets the dystopian future, but that’s what it is. Even though I knew exactly where the plot was taking me and Cass relies too heavily on “chuckled” as a verb, I couldn’t help but be swept away and caught in a teenage love triangle.

  February

  10. The Elite (The Selection, #2)–Kiera Cass; more of above.
  11. The One (The Selection, #3)–Kiera Cass; more of above. I told you. Crack. Crack. Crack. And chuckled. Chuckled. Chuckled. So much chuckling happens in this series.
  12. Six of Crows (Six of Crows, #1)–Leigh Bardugo; This is legit. You miss Harry Potter? You love Game of Thrones? It’s neither of those but a little of both and like nothing you’ve ever read. And it’s YAL. (Okay, don’t get me wrong, it’s not Harry Potter, but it’s still a delight.)
  13. Crooked Kingdom (Six of Crows, #2)–Leigh Bardugo; See above. More awesomeness in store.
  14. The Silent Wife–A.S.A Harrison; Ehhhh, not spectacular. I’ve read better –psychological thrillers.
  15. Emma in the Night–Wendy Walker; Better than The Silent Wife.
  16. The Martian–Andy Weir; A sci-fi gem. I love the thought of a sci-fi novel, but I often get lost in the science and space jargon that comets over my head. I didn’t feel like an idiot reading this book, and you can’t help but root for the narrator because his sense of humor is borderline middle school boy and mad genius.
  17. The Outcasts of Time–Ian Mortimer; Normally, reading a book about  time traveling across several centuries in England would tickle my fancy, but this book frustrated me.
  18. My Absolute Darling–Gabriel Tallent; Haunting. Compelling. Eight different kinds of uncomfortable every eight pages. But . . . the description, frequently gorgeous, can verge on pretentious with a hint of nausea rolled into the occasional rambling sentence.  If you can’t handle a daughter being verbally and sexually abused by her father and blatant, if not glorified, gun violence, then please don’t read this novel. But if you can stomach the aforementioned, then it is a solid four out of five stars. I might be reading YAL for the rest of the year to recover from it.
  19. The Heir (The Selection, #4)–Kiera Cass.  Not as good as the other The Selection crack, but crack is crack, y’all.

  What have you been reading to get you through 2018 so far?

  Or please someone enlighten me, how do you other teachers deal with the third nine weeks blues?

   

  Posted in books, reading, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, books, favorite books, new year's resolutions, reading, teaching, writing

• A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Tale: Death of a Pair of Skinny Jeans

  Posted at 10:23 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on February 8, 2018

  

  Before bed last night, I had to cut my skinny jeans off my body.

  

  Why, you might ask?  

  My only other option was to drive home from the emergency room pantless.

  While I support the anti-pants movement more devotedly than any political movement, driving home partially naked in the wet, chilly weather with a cumbersome semi-permanent splint on my right foot sounded like a surefire way to cause an accident. Or an awkward arrest for indecent exposure.

  So after navigating home, I murdered my dark blue skinny jeans with cheetah handled kitchen shears.

  What exactly led me to the emergency room and first degree denim homicide?

  I wish someone could tell me because the events leading to the crime are fuzzy in my mind.  

  Does that mean I can plead temporary insanity?  

  Or at least get dropped to negligent pantslaughter?

  Here’s my confession through self examined blog deposition.

  The exposition of this murder thriller begins with a book . . . honestly.

  After blowing bubbles with Little Thing and picking up palm tree debris from the yard on Sunday afternoon, I cozied into my bed for a book date with Leigh Bardugo’s Crooked Kingdom.  

  When I reached a good breaking point, I stood to stretch. The ball of my right foot twinged upon contact with the hardwood floor. It felt like a Cheerio or sticker were stuck to the bottom of my foot.

  I sat back down on my bed to remove the unwanted hitchhiker and flipped my foot.

  Instead of seeing the expected trash attached, I saw a bubble of my skin ballooning into a tiny island on my foot’s sole.  

  That’s weird, I thought.

  Then the swelling began with gusto, and it oddly didn’t hurt.  

  I vacillated between icing it and hauling my booty to Urgent Care.

  I didn’t want to hobble in and come off as a dumb blonde, but that’s what happened.

  After X-rays, I left Urgent Care with a contusion diagnosis and a pat on the back from the nurse practitioner that said,  “You poor stupid thing; thanks for wasting my time.”

  As the bruise blossomed and kaleidoscoped my foot’s side into an aurora borealis of blacks and purples, I limped through Monday with the swelling receding by Tuesday. The pain felt no worse than the normal constant static of fibro pain.

  Yesterday in misguided brazenness, I sported low heeled black booties to work. By day’s end, my foot’s left side reached hobbit foot level ugliness. It throbbed, and nausea hit me with every step. It felt twelve different kinds of stabby stabby throbby throbby.  

  I googled my symptoms. Irrationally, I convinced myself I had a blood clot.  

  When six o’clock hit, I gave into the pain.  

  Fearing pulmonary embolism, I drove myself to the emergency room. The x-ray technician there assuaged my blood clot fears by assuring me deadly ones cannot develop in feet. She admirably held a straight face through the duration of our conversation.     

  My temporary mollification transfigured into mortification when another ER tech entered with fittings for a splint.

  I looked at my skinny jeans and side-eyed the slab of malleable bulky plastic thingy she was saturating with water.  

  “Is that permanent?” I asked.

  “No, but it’s permanent until you see the orthopedic surgeon.” She shrugged.

  “What about my pants?”

  “Unless you want to drive home naked, I suggest you cut them off when you get home.”

  To add further insult to injury, the ER doctor returned with his diagnosis:  a sprained foot with a possible tendon tear.

  

  How could I sprain my foot and tear my tendon BY DOING NOTHING?

  He explained that when muscles are relaxed it’s not unheard of to damage them by simply stepping down.  

  So there you have it folks.

  I’m probably the only person on the planet to have ever sprained her foot because she was so relaxed from reading, ending with the denouement of skinny jean assassination.

  But is this the resolution, or merely the ending of blog one in a series of posts?  

  This lovely turn of events coincide with a pre-planned solo trip to Chicago over the Mardi Gras holiday. I fly out Saturday. Chiberia is supposed to get a foot of snow on Friday, and I’ll more than likely be rocking crutches during the duration.  

  What could go wrong?

  WHO CARES?  THIS GIRL HAS HAMILTON TICKETS!!!

  (P.S. Little Thing can’t be bothered with saying crutches. She’s deemed mine “those squeaky things.”)

  Also, think happy thoughts for me tomorrow while I’m at the orthopedic surgeon.

  Posted in reading, Uncategorized, writing | 7 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, fibro, fibromyalgia, jeans, reading, sprains, writing

• Mrs. Ram’s Jams New Year’s Resolutions

  Posted at 9:06 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on January 11, 2018

  

  Because my birthday falls on January seventh, my New Year’s resolutions never appear prior to January’s second full week. I’m a firm believer of birthday indulgences. I refuse to let my birthday get in the way of resolutions; therefore, I wait to avoid failure.

  Because intentional failure is stupid.

  But unexpected failure happens all the time for me.

  For example in a moment of lice inspired weakness before Christmas break, I lamented to my principal that I’m an idiot, relinquished all knowledge, and begged her to be my life coach. In the hallway. Loudly. With students and other teachers around.  

  That, my friends, is failing at life.

  As is catching lice at nearly 35. 

  (For my lice debacles, check out these posts: A Little Thing Tale: Merry Licemas and A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Tale: Happy Lice-a-Days)

  And I’m disconcertingly at peace with my spectacular fails.       

  Anyway, here are my resolutions.

  1. 1. Read less. Write more. Instead of inhaling books at an alarming rate, I’m stepping back a notch. I’ll be just fine if I read 60 books instead of 119, allowing me more writing time. I’ve posted weekly since starting the blog, but often I’m scrounging around at the last minute trying to post something before my weekly Saturday self-imposed cutoff (because I’m caught up in a book). Writing is greater than reading in 2018.  
     2. Break the bad habit of spacing twice after a period. WHO KNEW THAT THIS IS NO LONGER A THING, AND HOW COME NO ONE HAS ALERTED THE MASSES??? Or were the masses alerted, and I missed it? Again, another life fail.  
     3. Do yoga everyday (barring contracting bubonic plague, botulism, or whatever more plausible virus is contaminating my middle school). I’ve done yoga everyday since November 13–that’s 60 days in a row! Might as well see if I can keep it up. I can already see the difference, and my back has NEVER felt better. My muscle inflammation is essentially nonexistent. On days that I know I can’t handle 30 minutes, I try to do a gentle 15 minute practice. On top of daily practice, I want to learn about yoga’s history, too.
     4. Brush up on my Russian. I was three classes short of graduating with a minor in Russian from the U of I. The department head, who I loved, left after my sophomore year and was replaced with a scary lady. By junior year, I was one of the few non Russian students. Feeling overwhelmed, I said dosvedanya and left the foreign language building’s basement. Fast forward a decade and I’ve forgotten everything I was taught except how to read it. (Okay that’s not true. The first full sentence from the Russian 101 textbook was лифт никогда не работает, which means “The elevator never works.” Why? Why was this the first thing I learned. Do elevators consistently refuse to work in Russia??? Also the Russian word for water is вода, pronounced voda. It’s. Only. One. Letter. Away. From. Vodka. Can I start calling water “wineter”? Do you think I can pull it off? Or is this a Gretchen Weiners-esque fetch pipe dream?) I dilly-dallied over relearning Russian last summer but was unwilling to fully commit. Rosetta Stone’s new best friend will be Mrs. Ram Jam this year. (Again, life fail. I’d like you to meet my future summer time best friend, Rosetta. I bought her for $179. She’s reteaching me Russian, and she’s not a real person.)
     5. Secret Resolution. Sorry! I’m being that girl.  

  Are these difficult resolutions to keep? Heck no! If I read 119 books, started a blog, mommed hard, taught hard, had a septoplasty, and visited four different doctors regularly in 2017, then 2018’s resolutions should be easy peasy lemon squeezy.

  (P.S. teaching a tiny Little Thing how to say easy peasy lemon squeezy was hilarious. I caught it on video circa three years ago. You’re welcome.)  

   

   

   

   

   

  Posted in books, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, fitness, reading, Uncategorized, writing, yoga | 0 Comments | Tagged books, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, lice, little thing, new year, new year's resolutions, reading, reading goals, writing, yoga

• Top Twenty Books of 2017

  Posted at 4:27 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on January 4, 2018

  

  Here’s my promised list of my favorite reads from 2017. My 2017 goal was to read 100 books, and I hit 119 over the course of the year.

  And did I go broke? No. I bought ONE book out of 119 to support an old acquaintance who published her first book. I borrowed two books from friends. All the rest were library books. You can read more here, Thirty Seven More to Go, about how the internet and the library have revolutionized my reading habits.  

  Anyway, so many of these books were so so so so good. I couldn’t narrow it down to just a top ten.

  Will a top 20 suffice?  

  1. Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir by Jenny Lawson. This one is my favorite. It’s the funniest thing I have ever read. You think you’re crazy? Your crazy might be able to compete with Jenny Lawson’s crazy, but there’s no way you can recount personal anecdotes about your own life as hilariously as she does.  
  2. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas.  This one is my second favorite. Even though it’s YAL, it’s an important book about racism and police brutality.  The writing appears deceptively simple but stuns with complexity, revealing Thomas’s show stopping story telling prowess.  
  3. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman.  I hate that this lovely book falls into third. It’s hilarious and endearing. It’s like the best kind of mash-up of The Rosie Project and A Man Called Ove.  
  4. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. Do you remember that movie Stardust with Claire Danes and Michelle Pfeiffer?  I adored it when I saw it in the movie theater.  I had no idea Neil Gaiman wrote the book (He also wrote Coraline.), let alone who he was at the time. He’s now one of my favorite fantasy authors ever. This book is a must read for fantasy fans.  
  5. We Need to Talk about Kevin by Lionel Shriver.  Sinister. Disturbing. Epistolary, which I normally despise thanks to TWO forced readings of Pamela in college, but I didn’t let that get in the way of inhaling this accidental reread about a school massacre. (And since it is an accidental reread, I do feel guilty about putting it in my top five. But what evs. It’s my top five dammit. I can do what I want.)

  Here’s the point where I stop ranking and describing and start listing. Because I could go on and on and on about all of these books, and ain’t nobody got time for that. But in particular, me. I don’t have time for that!!!  

  • Beneath a Scarlet Sky by Mark T. Sullivan.  

  • The Couple Next Door by Shari Lapena.  

  • A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman.

  • Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me by Mindy Kaling.

  • The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

  • The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware.

  • Bittersweet by Miranda Beverly-Whitemore.

  • Beartown by Fredrik Backman.

  • American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

  • A Conjuring of Light (Shades of Magic Series Book 3)  by V.E. Schwab.

  • The Wednesday Wars by Gary D. Schmidt

  • Saints for All Occasions by J. Courtney Sullivan.

  • The Keepers of the House by Shirley Ann Grau.

  • The Good Girl by Mary Kubica.

  • Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng.

  Most of the books I read last year were very enjoyable, and I would recommend 85 percent of them.

  For a full list of books read or quit during 2017, you can check out this post, The Books I Read in 2017.

  If you have any questions about any of the books or would like to discuss them because you’ve read them too, please feel free to drop a comment on Facebook or below.

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized | 3 Comments | Tagged books, books in 2017, favorite books, reading, top twenty, top twenty books

• The Books I Read in 2017

  Posted at 3:59 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on January 4, 2018

  

  Here’s a complete list of books I read in 2017–as well as the books that I tried to read but quit. A top twenty post will be following close behind.

  Please excuse the formatting in places.

  ---

  January

  1. 1. The Glass Magician (Book 2)–Charlie N. Holmberg
     2. Beautiful Ruins–Jess Walter
     3. The Probable Future–Alice Hoffman
     4. Here on Earth–Alice Hoffman
     5. Beautiful People (accidental reread)–Wendy Holden
     6. What She Knew–Gilly Macmillan
     7. The Girls–Emma Cline
     8. Commonwealth--Ann Patchett

  February

  9.  Mr. Mercedes (Bill Hodges Trilogy Book One)–Stephen King
  10.  Atonement–Ian McEwan
  11.  The Red Garden–Alice Hoffman
  12.  Finders Keepers (Bill Hodges Trilogy Book Two)–Stephen King
  13.  The Couple Next Door–Shari Lapena
  14.  A Man Called Ove–Fredrik Backman
  15.  Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me–Mindy Kaling
  16.  The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper–Phaedra Patrick

  March

  17.  End of Watch (Bill Hodges Trilogy Book Three)–Stephen King
  18.  It Ends with Us–Colleen Hoover
  19.  The Vacationers— Emma Straub
  20.  Dark Matter-Blake Crouch
  21.  The Road–Cormac McCarthy
  22.  The Woman in Cabin 10–Ruth Ware
  23.  Why Not Me–Mindy Kaling
  24.  Yes Please–Amy Poehler
  25. Red Queen–Victoria Aveyard
  26.  Today Will Be Different–Maria Semple
  27.  Pretty Girls–Karin Slaughter

  April

  28. Heartburn–Nora Ephron
  29.  Glass Sword–Victoria Aveyard
  30.  We Need to Talk about Kevin–Lionel Shriver (accidental reread)
  31.  Big Magic–Elizabeth Gilbert
  32.  Modern Lovers–Emma Straub
  33. King’s Cage–Victoria Aveyard
  34.  The Underground Railroad--Colson Whitehead
  35.  The Sellout–Paul Beatty
  36. On Writing–Stephen King
  37.  Eligible–Curtis Sittenfield

  May
  38. Shotgun Lovesongs–Nickolas Butler

  39. The Color Purple–Alice Walker
  40.  Before the Fall–Noah Howley
  41.  You–Caroline Kepnes
  42. The Magicians–Lev Grossman
  43.  Nine Women, One Dress–Jane L. Rosen
  44.  The Forgetting Time–Sharon Guskin
  45.  Talking as Fast as I Can–Lauren Graham
  46.  Caraval–Stephanie Garber
  47.  The Expats–Chris Pavone
  48. Rich and Pretty–Rumaan Alam
  49.  Saving Grace–Jane Green
  50.  See Jane Run–Joy Fielding
  51.  The Sympathizer–Viet Thanh Nguyen

  June

  52.  Here’s to Us–Elin Hilderbrand
  53. Perfect–Rachel Joyce
  54.  Bittersweet–Miranda Beverly-Whitemore
  55.  Snobs–Julian Fellowes
  56.  The Fifth Petal–Brunonia Barry
  57.  Someday, Someday, Maybe–Lauren Graham
  58.  The Girl You Left Behind–Jojo Moyes
  59. The Lace Reader–Brunonia Barry
  60. The Avenue of Mysteries–John Irving
  61.  Vampires in the Lemon Grove–Karen Russell
  62.  One Plus One–Jojo Moyes
  63.  This Is How It Always Is–Laurie Frankel

  July

  64.  It Was Me All Along–Andie Mitchell
  65. Between the World and Me–Ta-Nehisi Coates
  66.  Annihilation–Jeff Vandermeer
  67.  In the Dark, Dark, Wood–Ruth Ware
  68.  Beartown–Fredrik Backman
  69.  Neverwhere–Neil Gaiman
  70.  The Uncommon Reader–Alan Bennett
  71.  I am Malala–Malala Yousafzai
  72. Bone Gap–Laura Ruby
  73. Crazy Rich Asians–Kevin Kwan
  74. The Shadow of the Wind--Carlos Ruiz Zafron

  August

  75.  Nutshell–Ian McEwan
  76. The Wonder–Emma Donoghue
  77.  The Solitary House–Lynn Shepherd
  78.  American Gods–Neil Gaiman
  79. A Conjuring of Light–V.E. Schwab
  80.  Are You Sleeping–Kathleen Barber
  81. It Happens All the Time–Amy Hatvany
  82. Bossypants–Tina Fey
  83. Pretty Little Liars–Sara Shepard
  84. The Wednesday Wars–Gary D. Schmidt
  85.  Flawless–Sara Shepard

  September

  86. Life After Life–Kate Atkinson
  87.  Perfect–Sara Shepard
  88.  Unbelievable–Sara Shepard
  89.  Rich People Problems–Kevin Kwan
  90. Into the Water–Paula Hawkins
  91. The Muse–Jessie Burton
  92. The Girls in the Garden–Lisa Jewell

  October:

  93. Every Fifteen Minutes–Lisa Scottoline.
  94. The Devil in the White City–Erik Larson
  95. The Keeper of Lost Things–Ruth Hogan
  96. Every Last Lie–Mary Kubica
  97. Saints for All Occasions–J. Courtney Sullivan
  98.  The Keepers of the House–Shirley Ann Grau
  99. All Over but the Shoutin’—Rick Bragg
  100. The Lonely Hearts Hotel—Heather O’Neill

  November:

  101. Beneath a Scarlet Sky—Mark T. Sullivan
  102. The Good Girl—Mary Kubica
  103. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine—Gail Honeyman
  104. A Visit from the Goon Squad–Jennifer Egan
  105. The Hate U Give—Angie Thomas
  106.  Echo Volume 1 Approaching Shatter—Kent Wayne
  107. Modern Romance—Aziz Ansari
  108. Commencement—J. Courtney Sullivan
  109. Do Not Become Alarmed—Maile Meloy

  December

  110. Funny Girl—Nick Hornby
  111. The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry—Gabrielle Zevin
  112. Geek Love—Katherine Dunn
  113. Little Fires Everywhere—Celeste Ng
  114. City of Dark Magic—Magnus Flyte
  115. Mrs. Saint and the Defectives—Julie Lawson Timmer
  116. The Last Mrs. Parrish—Liv Constantine
  117. Let’s Pretend This Never Happened—Jenny Lawson
  118. The People We Hate at the Wedding—Grant Ginder
  119. Everything, Everything—Nicola Yoon

  Tried to Read:
  Not that Kind of Girl–Lena Dunham
  Nobody is Coming to Save Us–Stephanie Powell Watts
  Oxygen–Carol Cassella
  The Bees–Laline Paull
  Ancillary Justice–Ann Leckie
  Swamplandia!–Karen Russell
  Choke–Chuck Palahniuk
  Sick in the Head—Judd Apatow

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged books, books in 2017, reading

• Reading Goal Achieved: 100 Books Read

  Posted at 11:02 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on November 2, 2017

  

  When I set a goal for myself to read 100 books this year, I didn’t know if I would succeed. But ta da! With two months to spare, I reached my goal on Sunday. Can I get a whoop whoop?

  How did I read 100 books before the end of October? I’m a bit mystified myself as to how I achieved this milestone, but the following list helped me achieve my goal (some might sound familiar from this previous post– Thirty Seven More to Go).

  1. For the most part, I don’t watch TV–except for Sunday morning NBC programming. I adore Willie Geist and Chuck Todd.
  2. My phone stays on silent. I have never been a phone talker. I was even slow to come around to the idea of texting during its advent and subsequent rise to ubiquity. And while I do peruse Facebook, Pinterest, and WordPress daily, I don’t spend hours on social media.  
  3. Although it took some coaxing, Little Thing is fairly independent, and I encourage her autonomy.  Yes, I stop and have dance parties, play games, craft, or bake with her. However, I refuse to stimulate her constantly.  
  4. I read when I can. When Little Thing has tumbling on Tuesdays, I read during her 45 minute class. I read while I’m waiting in primary school carpool, walking in circles around my kitchen, and waiting at the doctor’s office.  
  5. Fibromyalgia and Meniere’s disease has kicked my booty this year. Because of both diseases, my activity level has plummeted in comparison to previous years. If I can’t handle keeping myself upright anymore, I’m flat on my back with a book in my hand to dull the pain.
  6. I made a commitment by putting it in writing; therefore, I made it a point to carve out time.

  In hindsight, I probably could have read more if I hadn’t decided to start this blog. But this blog’s been fun and provided me with a place to vent, reflect, and grow.  

  Thank you to my friends who suggested books the past couple of months. I adored the books recommended to me, and because of them, October ended on a sweet note.  

  Now excuse me while I go bask in my goal achievement glory, resonating in imagined rainbows, sparkles, and cheers erupting firework style in the confines of my overactive imagination . . . and celebrate with another book and Thursday night wine.  

  Here’s my full list of 100 books. 

  (Once again, please forgive my formatting issue in May like in this previous post–Books Read: First Half of 2017; I cannot figure out how to fix it.)  

  January

  1. The Glass Magician (Book 2)–Charlie N. Holmberg
  2. Beautiful Ruins–Jess Walter
  3. The Probable Future–Alice Hoffman
  4. Here on Earth–Alice Hoffman
  5. Beautiful People (accidental reread)–Wendy Holden
  6. What She Knew–Gilly Macmillan
  7. The Girls–Emma Cline
  8. Commonwealth--Ann Patchett

  February

  9.  Mr. Mercedes (Bill Hodges Trilogy Book One)–Stephen King
  10.  Atonement–Ian McEwan
  11.  The Red Garden–Alice Hoffman
  12.  Finders Keepers (Bill Hodges Trilogy Book Two)–Stephen King
  13.  The Couple Next Door–Shari Lapena
  14.  A Man Called Ove–Fredrik Backman
  15.  Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me–Mindy Kaling
  16.  The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper–Phaedra Patrick

  March

  17.  End of Watch (Bill Hodges Trilogy Book Three)–Stephen King
  18.  It Ends with Us–Colleen Hoover
  19.  The Vacationers— Emma Straub
  20.  Dark Matter-Blake Crouch
  21.  The Road–Cormac McCarthy
  22.  The Woman in Cabin 10–Ruth Ware
  23.  Why Not Me–Mindy Kaling
  24.  Yes Please–Amy Poehler
  25.  Red Queen–Victoria Aveyard
  26.  Today Will Be Different–Maria Semple
  27.  Pretty Girls–Karin Slaughter

  April

  28.  Heartburn–Nora Ephron
  29.  Glass Sword–Victoria Aveyard
  30.  We Need to Talk about Kevin–Lionel Shriver (accidental reread)
  31.  Big Magic–Elizabeth Gilbert
  32.  Modern Lovers–Emma Straub
  33. King’s Cage–Victoria Aveyard
  34.  The Underground Railroad--Colson Whitehead
  35.  The Sellout–Paul Beatty
  36. On Writing–Stephen King
  37.  Eligible–Curtis Sittenfield

  May

  38  Shotgun Lovesongs–Nickolas Butler

  39. The Color Purple–Alice Walker
  40.  Before the Fall–Noah Howley
  41.  You–Caroline Kepnes
  42. The Magicians–Lev Grossman
  43.  Nine Women, One Dress–Jane L. Rosen
  44.  The Forgetting Time–Sharon Guskin
  45.  Talking as Fast as I Can–Lauren Graham
  46.  Caraval–Stephanie Garber
  47.  The Expats–Chris Pavone
  48. Rich and Pretty–Rumaan Alam
  49.  Saving Grace–Jane Green
  50.  See Jane Run–Joy Fielding
  51.  The Sympathizer–Viet Thanh Nguyen

  June

  52.  Here’s to Us–Elin Hilderbrand
  53. Perfect–Rachel Joyce
  54.  Bittersweet–Miranda Beverly-Whitemore
  55.  Snobs–Julian Fellowes
  56.  The Fifth Petal–Brunonia Barry
  57.  Someday, Someday, Maybe–Lauren Graham
  58.  The Girl You Left Behind–Jojo Moyes
  59. The Lace Reader–Brunonia Barry
  60. The Avenue of Mysteries–John Irving
  61.  Vampires in the Lemon Grove–Karen Russell
  62.  One Plus One–Jojo Moyes
  63.  This Is How It Always Is–Laurie Frankel

  July

  64.  It Was Me All Along–Andie Mitchell
  65. Between the World and Me–Ta-Nehisi Coates
  66.  Annihilation–Jeff Vandermeer
  67.  In the Dark, Dark, Wood–Ruth Ware
  68.  Beartown–Fredrik Backman
  69.  Neverwhere–Neil Gaiman
  70.  The Uncommon Reader–Alan Bennett
  71.  I am Malala–Malala Yousafzai
  72. Bone Gap–Laura Ruby
  73. Crazy Rich Asians–Kevin Kwan
  74. The Shadow of the Wind--Carlos Ruiz Zafron

  August

  75.  Nutshell–Ian McEwan
  76. The Wonder–Emma Donoghue
  77.  The Solitary House–Lynn Shepherd
  78.  American Gods–Neil Gaiman
  79. A Conjuring of Light–V.E. Schwab
  80.  Are You Sleeping–Kathleen Barber
  81. It Happens All the Time–Amy Hatvany
  82. Bossypants–Tina Fey
  83. Pretty Little Liars–Sara Shepard
  84. The Wednesday Wars–Gary D. Schmidt
  85.  Flawless–Sara Shepard

  September

  86. Life After Life–Kate Atkinson
  87.  Perfect–Sara Shepard
  88.  Unbelievable–Sara Shepard
  89.  Rich People Problems–Kevin Kwan
  90. Into the Water–Paula Hawkins
  91. The Muse–Jessie Burton
  92. The Girls in the Garden–Lisa Jewell

  October:

  93. Every Fifteen Minutes–Lisa Scottoline
  94. The Devil in the White City–Erik Larson
  95. The Keeper of Lost Things–Ruth Hogan
  96. Every Last Lie–Mary Kubica
  97. Saints for All Occasions–J. Courtney Sullivan
  98.  The Keepers of the House–Shirley Ann Grau
  99. All Over but the Shoutin’—Rick Bragg
  100. The Lonely Hearts Hotel—Heather O’Neill
  Posted in books, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, reading, Uncategorized, writing | 5 Comments | Tagged 100 books, books, fibromyalgia, meniere's disease, reading, reading goals, writing

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