Mrs. Ram's Jams

Tag: english teacher

• A Teacher Tale: Questions About the 2020-2021 School Year

  Posted at 1:54 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on April 24, 2020

  
  

  Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com

  Am I going to have to wear a mask to teach?

  If I do have to wear a mask . . .

  How are the kids going to see my facial expressions? That’s like, the best part of me as a teacher!

  Does this mean I have to up my eyeshadow game and learn how to properly apply winged eyeliner for once and for all to make up for the lack of, you know, a mouth? I’ve got to give the kids something interesting to look at. Looks like I’ll be watching a million Jaclyn Hill YouTube tutorials before August.

  Can I stop wearing lipstick to work? Who am I kidding. I rarely wore lipstick at work anyway . . .

  What happens when I sneeze? I’m obviously going to have to take off my mask to blow my nose and that’s going to break the law . . . Do I just count that mask as my Kleenex and whip it off and don a fresh one?

  Do I have to match my mask to my outfit? Or can you get away with clashing? Like is it crime against fashion to wear my orange and blue school polo shirt with a pink-ribbon-breast-cancer-awareness-patterned-ten -year-old-piece-of -scrap-fabric-diy mask that my MIL sewed for me? Maybe I need to find a subreddit about the art of mixing prints?

  Am I going to have to stand six feet apart from everybody at all times at school?

  How am I going to stand in the hallway in the mornings and stand six feet apart from the teacher in the class next to me and keep an eye on the kids inside my classroom?

  Is my temperature going to be checked daily before being allowed to enter the building?

  Are the kids going to have to wear masks?

  Is the school board going to have to change the dress code to allow for masks?

  Are the kids going to have to have dress-coded masks? 

  Are the kids going to have to do temperature checks?

  How are the kids going to socially distance while riding the bus?

  How are the kids going to socially distance while in the hallway?

  How are the kids going to socially distance in the classroom?

  Is outside school going to become a thing?

  How am I going to handle outside school? 

  Am I going to have to write kids up if they refuse to wear masks? BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN. 

  Am I going to have to write kids up for touching each other?

  Am I going to have to write kids up for sharing food?

  How’s the cafeteria and lunch going to work? If they have to eat lunch in classrooms with their teachers, I might lose my mind. Or get the teacher’s union involved. 

  Am I going to have to wipe down desks and chairs in between classes?

  If I have to do that, who is watching kids in the hallway?

  Is the school day going to have to be longer to accomodate for lost instructional minutes because of after each class cleanings?

  Oh god, trying to crowd control 200 8th graders in the hallway. 

  Who’s going to pay for all the Clorox wipes and Lysol used at school? 

  Are kids going to try to steal toilet paper?

  Am I going to have to write kids up for not washing their hands in the cafeteria before they eat?

  Do I need to be prepared to teach from home again? I succccckkkkkkk at making videos and hate being on a screen. I’m the WORST at it and have never liked being video recorded. 

  How are they going to disinfect the library books?

  Is passing out paper documents to students going to be illegal?

  If I have to go to a paperless classrooom, how am I going to keep track of everything? My Google Drive is as disorganzied as a middle school boy who treats his backpack as a garbage can. I’m of the staunch opinion that digital files don’t really exist because they’re intangible. (Not really, but you know what I mean, right?) 

  How do I rearrange my Google Classroom so it’s easier for students to locate assignments because I might not be with students all of the time? 

  Can I convince the other teachers on my team to all organize their Google Classrooms the same way so kids don’t have to figure out 6 different organizational methods?

  If we have to switch in and out of distance learning and face to face learning, am I finally going to have to break down and use Remind? All of my assignments and due dates are posted on Google Classroom–in one place. Why do I have to do more work and post the same shit through another format? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. 

  Will I be allowed to write kids up for being asshats during a Zoom?

  How does virtual detention work? 

  Can I be in charge of designing and implementing virtual detention? That sounds cool as shit. GIVE ME THE REINS. I WANT TO INNOVATE DAMMIT! How can I make it as much like The Breakfast Club as possible but rated G? Step one, befriend someone who works for Zoom and convince them to make a The Breakfast Club background . . . 

  Is school just going to be completely different forever?

   
  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged 2020-2021 school year, distance learning, education, english teacher, middle school teacher

• A Reflection on Distance Learning: How I Jinxed the 2019-2020 School Year

  Posted at 10:49 am by Mrs. Ram Jam, on April 18, 2020

  

   

  I jinxed the 2019-2020 school year. For myself. For my students. For you. For your students. For everyone.

  Just kidding. While it’s intoxicating to believe I possess such powers, I know it’s due to the upending coronavirus pandemic. 

  But why make this claim? To build an argument against myself, I’ll examine my posts since the end of last school year (although not in chronological order). 

  1. Last month I wrote about the importance of student attendance, how students need to be physically present at school and miss no more than 10 days a year. Now, just a few weeks later, nobody has to physically attend school. Even though students are distance learning, it’s not the same as walking into a tangible building bustling with students, teachers, routine, and structure. My heart breaks because I miss seeing students’ faces every day and helping them grow, but it also breaks my heart because they miss going to school too. 
  2. At the end of last school year, I penned a post discussing how my classroom was ditching technology and picking up paper and pen instead, helping with retention and engagement and reducing digital distractions. Oh, how the copy machine and I reacquainted ourselves for three grading periods! Now, because of distance learning, everything is digital. EVERYTHING. Ugh. (I even miss the cantankerous copy machine in the teacher’s lounge. I bet she’s lonely.) Can you imagine being a teenager, having your entire school year reduced to a screen, and completing work daily on a device that screams at you to play games or watch Kylie Jenner makeup tutorials on Youtube instead of completing assignments? It’s a wonder students get anything done. Let’s not forget they’ve got their phone beside them, and they’re getting distracted by SnapChats, TikToks, and text messages that wouldn’t even be a distraction if they were sitting in a classroom. I could have my students read a novel for the rest of the year, but I don’t want to have them read a 330-page book on a screen. I actually had a student tell me that they missed doing work and reading things on paper. Insert crying face emoji here. And the sad thing is, I don’t know if I’ll have the guts to go back to paper once all of this, gestures vaguely with her hands, is over. The thought of physically collecting paper from 95 different kids and handling it without touching my face while grading scares the shit out of me. Middle schoolers suck at washing their hands and aren’t well known for fantastic hygiene practices in general. (I love them despite their sketchy hygiene.)  
  3. I also wrote a post about late work policies and changed mine considerably. I went from accepting late test grade assignments at a 10 point deduction and late participation work at half credit to handing out one late pass for test grade assignments for full credit and two late homework passes for full credit. Once those passes were used, grades went in as zeros unless students were in danger of failing. Now with distance learning, I’ve got to accept all late work for full credit, and while I understand this policy’s leniency and necessity, it nevertheless irks me. I’m also expected to post answers to assignments, so I’ve got kids who wait until after the answers are posted to complete the assignments. Do they really deserve full credit? Particularly if it’s just a participation grade? Furthermore, the rigor and frequency of my assignments have decreased because we were told to give students about a third of what we would normally teach and not make them too hard otherwise students wouldn’t complete assignments. Lots of the grades I’m giving, even for test grade assignments, are hey-do-this-work-and-follow-the-directions assessments. I have a hard time giving students full credit on glorified completion grades that they’ve turned in late. Now don’t get me wrong, I know some students are watching their siblings, might not be living at home, have a parent who is sick, etc., and I am completely sympathetic to those students, but there are some who are abusing the system. I caught a lot of pushback from parents for giving a participation grade for just checking into Google Classroom daily (could there be an easier assignment to get credit for????)  and ended up deleting it because dealing with the fallout for two days left me sleepless and a tad indignant. Does everyone deserve an A in an honors class because of this crappy situation? The grades don’t even count this last quarter. Ugh. So why do I even care so much? Also, don’t even get me started on the obvious cheating on true tests taken at home. 
  4. I also wrote a post about my love/hate relationship with Romeo and Juliet, and I was still in the middle of teaching it when school was suddenly shuttered. The kids finished reading it on their own because I couldn’t have them NOT finish reading it. They didn’t get to choose and scene and act it out, which is one of my favorite activities of the year. I wanted to have them perform outside this year because Shakespeare’s plays were performed outside too. 
  5. And last, but not least, I wrote something about how grading at home never works, and now it’s the ONLY option. Ack. 

  So see, my words have come back and bitten me in the booty!

  Distance learning has been an adjustment and has humbled me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a perfect teacher. I am a reflective practitioner, and this situation has turned my entire profession on its head. Maybe I needed to be knocked back a few notches because I’d forgotten, albeit momentarily, that teaching is NEVER predictable, but this predicament is unprecedented. We all need to cut ourselves some slack.

  Thanks for letting me vent my uglies. I cannot wait to walk back into my classroom in August. 

  (Gosh, I hope that doesn’t come back and bite me in the booty too. Let’s think happy thoughts that schools will be open in August.)

  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged distance learning, english teacher, school, students, teaching

• Why I Love and Hate Teaching Romeo and Juliet

  Posted at 3:34 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on February 22, 2020

  

  Psssttt. Here’s a secret. This English teacher hates Romeo and Juliet more than the Montagues and Capulets loathe each other. (I know. Gasp. Shocked emoji face. Call Karen in HR and fire me right now.) And because it’s entrenched in the freshman canon, I will never escape its overtly romantical clutches as long as I am teaching English I. 

  Why do I hate Romeo and Juliet and teaching it?

  1. Romeo, a whiny lover boy ruled by his teenage emotions, is my least favorite Shakespeare character. I spend the entire time wanting to smack him and talk some logic into him. 
  2. Benvolio sucks too. Whenever something big happens on stage, Benvolio summarizes the just-happened events for new-to-the-scene characters. 
  3. The way Romeo and Juliet talk to one another makes me gag. Love stories aren’t my Ram Jam. 
  4. The students harp on the fact that Juliet is 13 and never recover from it. They also debate Romeo’s age endlessly (The text never gives it.). They talk about this the ENTIRE time we’re reading. 
  5. It’s full of sexual innuendo, and I teach middle school. Need I say more? 
  6. I’d much rather tackle The Taming of the Shrew, The Tempest, Twelfth Night, Othello, or Macbeth. 

  And while I do lather on the Romeo and Juliet hate thick, I love teaching it for almost the same reasons I despise teaching it.

  1. I take my hate and shout it from the desktops from the beginning. It’s simple really. I let the kids know I hate Romeo and Benvolio. I don’t tell the students why. I string them along and build interest to hook them, revealing tidbits here and there why I hate Romeo and Benvolio as the acts unfold. I use my Romeo hate to teach characterization. I use my Benvolio hate to teach summarizing. I make my hate passionate, fun, and refreshing instead of letting it bring my lessons down. Frequently, the kids hate Romeo too, and we bond through our mutual dislike. 
  2. Even though it’s a love story and the ooey-gooey language makes me cringe, I appreciate the poetry. We analyze the heck out of the figurative language and poetic structure of Romeo and Juliet’s dialogue. For example, when Romeo and Juliet meet for the first time, they actually start rhyming together in their religious imagery-filled banter and wind up creating a shared mini sonnet, which is pretty freaking cool from a structural standpoint. 
  3. The kids relate to the teenage emotions running rampant throughout the text even though they pretend that all of the kissing mortifies them. We discuss why it’s important to not be ruled by emotions and how to consider situations logically. 
  4. The kids have zero knowledge of Elizabethan theater and England before they start reading and are fascinated by what they learn. The fact that it was illegal for women to act so men played all the parts blows their minds. They’re horrified and enthralled when they discover women could get married at twelve years old and were sometimes married to much older men. They have no concept that modern medicine did not apply back then, women often died in childbirth, and child death rates were high. They’re floored when they realize Nurse was Juliet’s wet nurse and that the word nurse etymologically stems from a Latin word meaning “to nourish.” 
  5. On the day we start Act I Scene 1, I tell them Shakespeare is a dirty old white guy to prepare them for the puns and hook them into the play. You might find this method a little shocking, but have you read this play? It’s full of inappropriate jokes, and while it might have gone over your head when you were in high school, my kids understand what they’re reading. If I didn’t prepare them for the dirty jokes, my lesson could crash and burn in a million different ways. They appreciate being treated like adults. When I handle it this way, it minimizes the puns, and we’re able to focus on the storyline and the structure. 
  6. Even though Romeo and Juliet isn’t my favorite play, I love Shakespeare and theater. I’m able to channel that love into a play I hate (My only love sprung from my only hate! Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.). I’m in my element when I’ve got the bard and a script in front of me, and the students see the best me when this unit rolls around each year. 

  

  What are some texts you hate but you have to teach? I’d love to hear! I’d also love to know why and what you do to combat your hate to make interesting lessons. 

   

  (Also, another shocker, I’m not a huge fan of To Kill a Mockingbird—but that’s a whole other blog post.)

   

  Posted in books, poetry, reading, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 5 Comments | Tagged benvolio, blogging, blogs, drama, english teacher, i hate romeo and juliet, juliet, plays, poetry, reading, romeo, romeo and juliet, shakespeare, teaching, teaching shakespeare, writing

• A Teacher Poem: Buzz Words

  Posted at 11:17 am by Mrs. Ram Jam, on January 25, 2020

  

  begin with the end in mind, AKA backward design
  Common Core and 504
  ELL, STEM, and IEP are not absentee (But if they were, you’d have to let them make up the work, for sure.)
  collaborate and debate
  Claim retired, and its replacement is assertion; try teaching that to little persons.

  rigor
  response
  reflection
  rubric
  will point you in the right (write?) direction

  facilitate with fidelity; provide actionable feedback . . . (but don’t call in sick unless you’re having a heart attack)
  Is your summative assessment warm or cold? (Grab a blanket–so we’re told.)
  flip the classroom; personalize learning (to get their brains churning)

  What’s the objective? 
  Does it align with the standards?
  How does the curriculum get them college and career ready?

  Scaffold.
  Differentiate.
  Rigor.
  Peer conversations.
  Rigor.
  Text complexity.

  Rigor.
  Rigor.
  Rigor.

  Build relationships. 
  Rigor.
  One to one.
  Rigor.
  Lexile.
  Rigor. 

  Rigor.
  Rigor.
  Rigor.

  TRIGGER WARNING

  The kids still find it boring.

  And by week’s end, the only buzz words we care about are Tito’s, tequila, and Tanqueray (with honorable mentions to happy hour and chardonnay).

  

  Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

  Posted in poems, poetry, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, english teacher, humor, middle school teacher, poems, poems about teaching, poetry, teacher, teaching, teaching middle school, writing

• A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Guide to Grading Papers at Home

  Posted at 2:16 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on October 19, 2019

  

  Although I manage to grade most student-written essays during school hours, inevitably home grading transpires from time to time. Here’s what my grading process looks like when I do lug home heaps of papers.

  1. Sit at the kitchen table, and empty llama tote bag of dreaded essays.
  2. Shuffle all essays into groups of five, piling them into one tower by alternating stacks perpendicularly.
  3. Grab blue Uniball pen. Fancy pens make grading tolerable. Giggle because the word “Uniball” is funny.
  4. Snap a picture of grading setup, witty teacher caption included, and post it to Insta and Facebook stories.
  5. Realize fifteen minutes has passed. Pick up Uniball. Bust into laughter again. Little Thing hollers, “What’s so funny? Can I see?”
  6. Skim first paper while chuckling. Chuckles dissolve into whimpers of distress because the first essay is ghastly, soul-crushing.
  7. Shuffle the broken paper to stack’s end.
  8. Scan the next five essays without connecting pen to paper, and hyperventilating starts. HOW CAN ALL OF THEM BE PIECES OF POO ON A STICK?????? Question career path and meaning of life. Become convinced of worst teacher on the planet status. Stash those five essays to the back of the pile.
  9. Search for best student writer’s essay. Read it. Faith in humanity is restored.
  10. Glance up and around. Am horrified by the dishes mounded in the sink and clutter-strewn house. Decide to tidy up, clean the toilets, and scrub the master bathroom’s floor with a toothbrush.
  11. Register it’s dinner time, have wasted an entire Saturday afternoon, and cook dinner.
  12. Make husband do dishes in order to get back to grading.
  13. Scroll through Facebook on the ChromeBook for an hour instead with the stack of papers as an audience. Their collective judgment is palpable.
  14. Pick up Uniball. Smirk. 
  15. Trudge through five essays, finally giving feedback.
  16. Decide grading is more fun with wine. Pour a glass.
  17. Down the glass swiftly like a college student shooting a lemon drop.
  18. Grade five more essays in half the time, because wine. Uniball has the time of his life.
  19. Pour another glass, and lose steam quickly after, only grading two more essays. 
  20. Call it a night, and resolve to spend Sunday afternoon at the library grading because Grading. At. Home. Doesn’t. Work.
  21. Tuck a wilted and defeated Uniball into bed, errrr, back into his llama tote bag house.
  22. Decide a blue felt pen is more appropriate for library essay grading. It would be mildly embarrassing to get kicked out for hysterical laughter.

  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

   

  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 1 Comment | Tagged blogging, blogs, english teacher, funny, grading essays, humor, middle school teacher, students, teaching, writing

• A Poem: English Class Will Never Be Baseball

  Posted at 3:40 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on September 21, 2019

  

  English class will never be baseball.

  Cracking open a book can’t compete with the crack of the bat and the crowd’s cheers for you.

  Fumbling through Homer’s The Odyssey will feel more like fumbling a grounder in the bottom of the ninth during a tied game than hitting a homer to win it all.

  Throwing words around with a pen and paper to write an essay will never rival throwing warm-up pitches in the bullpen.

  The thunk of the catcher’s hand pounding his mitt between curveballs and changeups will never sound like “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” nor The Catcher in the Rye.

  Wry puns and satire will never play hardball in your playbook. Three strikes you’re out and triple plays are more important to you than the rule of threes and idioms.

  Sliding into second and shaking hands at the game’s end will never be sliding into the second act of a Shakespeare play.

  And that’s just fine, sluggers, because English class isn’t supposed to be baseball, but the real MVPs and big leaguers value both.

  

  Photo by Matthew T Rader on Pexels.com

   

  Posted in poems, poetry, reading, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged baseball, blogging, blogs, english class, english teacher, middle school teacher, poems, poems about teaching, poetry, teaching, teaching boys, teaching middle school, writing

• A Teacher Tale: What’s Your Late Work Policy?

  Posted at 8:45 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on July 26, 2019

  

  As I sit here staring at my syllabus for next year in denial that I’m embarking upon my 14th year of teaching, I grapple with changing my late work policy for the upcoming school year.

  Last year during the first semester, I accepted late participation work for half credit and any late test grade assignments for a letter grade off until the grading period’s end, resulting in a bejeebus load of poo-on-a-stick late work to assess right before grades were due. Post Christmas, I didn’t accept any late participation work and issued one late pass per nine weeks for test grade tasks, allowing students 24 hours to turn in a late assignment for full credit. Once that pass was cashed in though, I didn’t accept work period–unless the student was in danger of failing. 

  If you’re reading this with a parental or administrative eye, you might cringe at my former policy’s harshness, but . . . 

  1. In my classroom, there are nine grades per nine weeks. Typically, students take two tests. I’ll assess them through writing and projects for the other grades. Unfortunately, a hefty number of 8th graders avoid completing complex assessments because it’s time-consuming, hard, and, let’s face it, boring. 
  2. You might decry my policy for admitting my assessments are time-consuming, frustrated with your middle schooler’s homework workload. However, if students are bringing work home from my class, they aren’t using the time that I give them in class wisely. Ninety-five percent of the time they are provided AMPLE time to complete work in class. 
  3. If students hand in an essay or project four weeks after it’s due, we’ve moved on. The material that was covered isn’t freshly emblazoned in their brain juices. More than likely what they end up handing in doesn’t follow directions, demonstrate mastery, or is low caliber work. 
  4. Keeping track of late work and grading it makes Mrs. Ram Jam even more insane than she already is. My brain has a hard time reshifting to grading assignments from weeks ago, compounding a near palpable increase in my own time anxiety. My students’ lack of time management makes my own time anxiety worse–crazy, right? 
  5. Kids need to be taught accountability and time management skills. Unfinished work needs a consequence. 

  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

  With all that being said, I’m leaning towards enacting my second-semester policy for the entire school year.

  Please feel free to share your late work policies or what your district/school suggests to do and the reasoning behind it. I’m always up for suggestions. And enjoy your last week or two of summer, teachers!  

   

  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 5 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, english teacher, late work, students, teacher, teaching, writing

• A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Holiday Tale: Llamas We Have Herd on High

  Posted at 10:47 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on December 21, 2018

  

  On Wednesday, I had to holler at a student, “Stop waltzing with my llama!”

  He had snatched my dusty rose colored giant stuffed llama, gifted to me earlier in the week by another student, from her on-top-of-the-filing-cabinet home and was slow dancing with her in front of the other students as they wandered in and found their seats.

  [Meet Rubert, Rue for short. She came pre-christened with a fancy bow.]

  

  Chaos ensued.

  A member of the peanut gallery questioned, “Is waltzing a real word?”

  A heckler joked, “Why did the llama cross the road? To get away from Mrs. Ram.”

  “Spell waltz for me. Are you SURE it’s a real word?”

  “Mrs. Ram, have you ever eaten llama jerky?” a different kid asked.

  I sol-llama-emnly swear ridiculousness like this happens all the time.

  And it’s my own damn fault.

  My teaching schtick is a well-balanced art of whimsy, silly, and that-teacher-is-quite-possibly-a-psychopath-I-question-her-stability. However I upped my own ante this year and decided to incorporate my love for the word llama into my teaching persona by decorating my classroom in llamas and purchasing a spit ton of llama t-shirts to wear to school. My favorite one reads: Comma Llama. #englishteacher.

  Because why the hell not? And have you walked into a store recently? Llamas are freaking everywhere. Plus, Fortnite has introduced loot llamas, sundry filled llama piñatas, so even middle school boys get fired up about llamas. (When the kids first told me about loot llamas, I thought they meant lute llamas. I was like why would there be a llama playing a lute in a video game, but a llama piñata filled with bonus items makes a bajeebus load more sense.)  

  And because of llama paraphernalia proliferation and my revamped llama themed classroom, I have been fed a hearty diet of llama loot the entire month of December.

  It started innocently enough. A girl in my first block walked in on a Monday morning and handed me a pair of fuzzy llama socks. They’re woolly nice. (I couldn’t help myself. That was too easy.)

  Then, the next morning another girl showed up with a STUFFED. LLAMA. HEAD. For me. To cherish forever and ever. It’s flat on the back–for easy wall mounting like a taxidermied deer head. Our teacher coach affixed her to my podium with a 3M hook.  

  I named her Rama-Llama Ding Dong. Isn’t she gorgeous?

  

  Other llama gifts include: a journal, a pillow, a porcelain container, a Texas Aggies shirt, and three more pairs of socks. One of the pairs of socks were given to me with chocolates, which inspired me to break out in an extemporaneous song aptly entitled “Chocolates and Llama Socks” sung to the tune of “Five Little Speckled Frogs.” I mortified the gift giver, and now, much to my glee, I have students who I don’t even teach belting the lyrics in the hallways and asking me to sing it for them.

  

  And I can’t forget about this card; it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

  

  I’m fairly certain this was by far the best teacher gift Christmas ever, but I am a little disappointed that nobody showed up with a real llama for me for Christmas.  

  Maybe, I’ll wake up on December 25th and discover that Santa left me one in my backyard.  

  A girl can dream, can’t she?  

  

  (GIF taken from https://giphy.com/gifs/llama-1081l2F7uGjkK4)

   

  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 5 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, english teacher, llama, loot llama, teaching, writing

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