Am I going to have to wear a mask to teach?
If I do have to wear a mask . . .
How are the kids going to see my facial expressions? That’s like, the best part of me as a teacher!
Does this mean I have to up my eyeshadow game and learn how to properly apply winged eyeliner for once and for all to make up for the lack of, you know, a mouth? I’ve got to give the kids something interesting to look at. Looks like I’ll be watching a million Jaclyn Hill YouTube tutorials before August.
Can I stop wearing lipstick to work? Who am I kidding. I rarely wore lipstick at work anyway . . .
What happens when I sneeze? I’m obviously going to have to take off my mask to blow my nose and that’s going to break the law . . . Do I just count that mask as my Kleenex and whip it off and don a fresh one?
Do I have to match my mask to my outfit? Or can you get away with clashing? Like is it crime against fashion to wear my orange and blue school polo shirt with a pink-ribbon-breast-cancer-awareness-patterned-ten -year-old-piece-of -scrap-fabric-diy mask that my MIL sewed for me? Maybe I need to find a subreddit about the art of mixing prints?
Am I going to have to stand six feet apart from everybody at all times at school?
How am I going to stand in the hallway in the mornings and stand six feet apart from the teacher in the class next to me and keep an eye on the kids inside my classroom?
Is my temperature going to be checked daily before being allowed to enter the building?
Are the kids going to have to wear masks?
Is the school board going to have to change the dress code to allow for masks?
Are the kids going to have to have dress-coded masks?
Are the kids going to have to do temperature checks?
How are the kids going to socially distance while riding the bus?
How are the kids going to socially distance while in the hallway?
How are the kids going to socially distance in the classroom?
Is outside school going to become a thing?
How am I going to handle outside school?
Am I going to have to write kids up if they refuse to wear masks? BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN.
Am I going to have to write kids up for touching each other?
Am I going to have to write kids up for sharing food?
How’s the cafeteria and lunch going to work? If they have to eat lunch in classrooms with their teachers, I might lose my mind. Or get the teacher’s union involved.
Am I going to have to wipe down desks and chairs in between classes?
If I have to do that, who is watching kids in the hallway?
Is the school day going to have to be longer to accomodate for lost instructional minutes because of after each class cleanings?
Oh god, trying to crowd control 200 8th graders in the hallway.
Who’s going to pay for all the Clorox wipes and Lysol used at school?
Are kids going to try to steal toilet paper?
Am I going to have to write kids up for not washing their hands in the cafeteria before they eat?
Do I need to be prepared to teach from home again? I succccckkkkkkk at making videos and hate being on a screen. I’m the WORST at it and have never liked being video recorded.
How are they going to disinfect the library books?
Is passing out paper documents to students going to be illegal?
If I have to go to a paperless classrooom, how am I going to keep track of everything? My Google Drive is as disorganzied as a middle school boy who treats his backpack as a garbage can. I’m of the staunch opinion that digital files don’t really exist because they’re intangible. (Not really, but you know what I mean, right?)
How do I rearrange my Google Classroom so it’s easier for students to locate assignments because I might not be with students all of the time?
Can I convince the other teachers on my team to all organize their Google Classrooms the same way so kids don’t have to figure out 6 different organizational methods?
If we have to switch in and out of distance learning and face to face learning, am I finally going to have to break down and use Remind? All of my assignments and due dates are posted on Google Classroom–in one place. Why do I have to do more work and post the same shit through another format? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Will I be allowed to write kids up for being asshats during a Zoom?
How does virtual detention work?
Can I be in charge of designing and implementing virtual detention? That sounds cool as shit. GIVE ME THE REINS. I WANT TO INNOVATE DAMMIT! How can I make it as much like The Breakfast Club as possible but rated G? Step one, befriend someone who works for Zoom and convince them to make a The Breakfast Club background . . .
Is school just going to be completely different forever?
