Mrs. Ram's Jams

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• A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Guide to Grading Papers at Home

  Posted at 3:16 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on October 19, 2019

  

  Although I manage to grade most student-written essays during school hours, inevitably home grading transpires from time to time. Here’s what my grading process looks like when I do lug home heaps of papers.

  1. Sit at the kitchen table, and empty llama tote bag of dreaded essays.
  2. Shuffle all essays into groups of five, piling them into one tower by alternating stacks perpendicularly.
  3. Grab blue Uniball pen. Fancy pens make grading tolerable. Giggle because the word “Uniball” is funny.
  4. Snap a picture of grading setup, witty teacher caption included, and post it to Insta and Facebook stories.
  5. Realize fifteen minutes has passed. Pick up Uniball. Bust into laughter again. Little Thing hollers, “What’s so funny? Can I see?”
  6. Skim first paper while chuckling. Chuckles dissolve into whimpers of distress because the first essay is ghastly, soul-crushing.
  7. Shuffle the broken paper to stack’s end.
  8. Scan the next five essays without connecting pen to paper, and hyperventilating starts. HOW CAN ALL OF THEM BE PIECES OF POO ON A STICK?????? Question career path and meaning of life. Become convinced of worst teacher on the planet status. Stash those five essays to the back of the pile.
  9. Search for best student writer’s essay. Read it. Faith in humanity is restored.
  10. Glance up and around. Am horrified by the dishes mounded in the sink and clutter-strewn house. Decide to tidy up, clean the toilets, and scrub the master bathroom’s floor with a toothbrush.
  11. Register it’s dinner time, have wasted an entire Saturday afternoon, and cook dinner.
  12. Make husband do dishes in order to get back to grading.
  13. Scroll through Facebook on the ChromeBook for an hour instead with the stack of papers as an audience. Their collective judgment is palpable.
  14. Pick up Uniball. Smirk. 
  15. Trudge through five essays, finally giving feedback.
  16. Decide grading is more fun with wine. Pour a glass.
  17. Down the glass swiftly like a college student shooting a lemon drop.
  18. Grade five more essays in half the time, because wine. Uniball has the time of his life.
  19. Pour another glass, and lose steam quickly after, only grading two more essays. 
  20. Call it a night, and resolve to spend Sunday afternoon at the library grading because Grading. At. Home. Doesn’t. Work.
  21. Tuck a wilted and defeated Uniball into bed, errrr, back into his llama tote bag house.
  22. Decide a blue felt pen is more appropriate for library essay grading. It would be mildly embarrassing to get kicked out for hysterical laughter.

  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

   

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  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 0 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, english teacher, funny, grading essays, humor, middle school teacher, students, teaching, writing

• September 2019 Mini Book Reviews

  Posted at 7:41 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on October 4, 2019

  

   

  1. Waiting for Tom Hanks (Waiting for Tom Hanks, #1) by Kerry Winfrey–romance/chick lit–three stars–Speaking of waiting, I waited for this digital borrow for weeks before laying my hands on it. Annie, a wannabe screenwriter obsessed with Tom Hanks rom-coms, lands a gig as a director’s assistant when a, insert loud gasp here, romantic comedy starts shooting in her small Ohio town. In a glaringly obvious plot twist, she falls hard for the who-she-perceives-to-be-playboy-jackass lead. It’s a decent read, but you’d be better off snuggling up to a Nora Ephron book or movie instead.
  2. The Golden Compass (His Dark Materials, #1) by Philip Pullman–middle grade/fantasy–three stars–If I remember correctly, I attempted reading this book years ago but had a hard time getting started and gave up on it. I sludged through this time, but dammmmnnnnnnnn. I know this is an unpopular opinion because nostalgia and shit; however, the beginning is  hard to sift through and much better middle grade fantasy literature has been written since this book first came out.
  3. The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead–historical fiction–four stars–Not as fantastic as Whitehead’s Pulitzer winning The Underground Railroad, but it’s still a great read about a real-life inspired reform school in Jim Crow Florida.
  4. Washington Black by Esi Edugyan–historical fiction–four stars
  5. Meet Cute by Helena Hunting–romance/chick lit–three stars–Read Waiting for Tom Hanks instead. Also, I hate the term “meet cute.” Ugh. Can we just strike it from chick lit vernacular?
  6. The City of Ember (Book of Ember, #1) by Jeanne DuPrau–middle grade/dystopian–four stars
  7. Graceling (Graceling Realm, #1) by Kristin Cashore–YAL/fantasy–two stars– Who needs this series when Sarah J. Maas’s Throne of Glass series exists? Nobody.
  8. After (After, #1) by Anna Todd–romance–two stars–I first heard about this book while watching a segment on the Today show about Wattpad, an online platform where self-publishing writers can get real-time feedback from fellow users about what they’re writing. After is a Wattpad sensation, and I had to see what all the fuss was about. While it was compulsively readable, it also managed to hit every romance novel cliche on the head. A poor, academically-gifted freshman in college falls in love with a tatted-up bad boy with a serious jealously problem who screws her over countless times.  Apparently, Wattpad users like verbal abuse because this book is rife with it and made me really uncomfortable, but it didn’t negate the fact that it was compulsively readable.
  9. Her Royal Highness (Royals, #2) by Rachel Hawkins–YAL–two stars–A disappointment after the first book in the series.
  10. The Perfect Nanny by Leila Simani–thriller–four stars—Because we know it’s a thriller, we know the nanny is the antithesis of a perfect one, but while the title and its cover is predictable for the genre, the storyline is anything but. This translated from French novel is succinct and haunting, hitting all the right thriller buttons.
  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized, writing | 1 Comment | Tagged blogging, blogs, book reviews, books, read, reading, writing

• A Poem: English Class Will Never Be Baseball

  Posted at 3:40 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on September 21, 2019

  

  English class will never be baseball.

  Cracking open a book can’t compete with the crack of the bat and the crowd’s cheers for you.

  Fumbling through Homer’s The Odyssey will feel more like fumbling a grounder in the bottom of the ninth during a tied game than hitting a homer to win it all.

  Throwing words around with a pen and paper to write an essay will never rival throwing warm-up pitches in the bullpen.

  The thunk of the catcher’s hand pounding his mitt between curveballs and changeups will never sound like “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” nor The Catcher in the Rye.

  Wry puns and satire will never play hardball in your playbook. Three strikes you’re out and triple plays are more important to you than the rule of threes and idioms.

  Sliding into second and shaking hands at the game’s end will never be sliding into the second act of a Shakespeare play.

  And that’s just fine, sluggers, because English class isn’t supposed to be baseball, but the real MVPs and big leaguers value both.

  

  Photo by Matthew T Rader on Pexels.com

   

  Posted in poems, poetry, reading, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged baseball, blogging, blogs, english class, english teacher, middle school teacher, poems, poems about teaching, poetry, teaching, teaching boys, teaching middle school, writing

• A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Teaching Tale: Reading Comprehension Fails in The Odyssey

  Posted at 12:23 am by Mrs. Ram Jam, on September 15, 2019

  

  Currently, I am teaching The Odyssey for the first time in my career (I think. I might have blocked out teaching it like a bad memory; it’s not my favorite text.) As per my curriculum’s instructions, I’ve been working on summarizing, characterization, and conflict with the kids while reading Book One, and this week I assessed those skills using a passage they hadn’t read before. 

  And while most students rocked the summarizing skill portion of the task, some epically misunderstood these lines from the text: 

  But all of the suitors broke into uproar through the shadowed halls,
  all of them lifting prayers to lie beside [Penelope], share her bed,
  until discreet Telemachus took command:

  (A little context might be helpful as well:  Odysseus, the king of Ithaka, is taking an eternity to get home from the Trojan War and people fear him dead. His wife Penelope, a snack, is bedeviled by suitors who have taken up residence in her own home.) 

  Now think like an 8th grader. How would you interpret this with your nearly teenage brain? Let’s look at some student responses. 

  1. “Penelope dies, which leaves the suitors devastated.”
  2. “Penelope’s suitors hope to follow her into her room, but Telemachus does not allow it.”
  3. “The suitors are outraged that Penelope has gone back to her room without them.”
  4. “The suitors are entering Penelope’s room as Telemachus yells at them for destroying his house.”
  5. “The suitors come to ask Penelope if they can sleep next to her . . .”
  6. “The suitors try to get into Penelope’s bed and cause an uproar, but Telemachus stops them.”
  7. “The suitors bombarded Telemachus’s mom by going beside her in her own bed.”

  Y’all. I giggled uncontrollably while grading. Handling questions about why students missed points for these interpretations is going to be brutal. I don’t think a comment like Well, Kayla, you insinuate salacious behavior occurred instead of explaining that individually the suitors wish to marry Penelope will go over well. So please think happy thoughts for me and my sanity when I hand these assignments back. 

  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 1 Comment | Tagged blogging, blogs, funny, humor, reading, reading comprehension, students, teaching, writing

• Mini Book Reviews for August 2019

  Posted at 2:28 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on September 7, 2019

  

  Because August means back to school for me, it’s always a hard reading month, so I declared it read nothing of substance, the more royals in books the better, and bonus points if books are set in Europe month.

  • Ghost Kisses by Kellie Babineaux–paranormal romance–two stars–This is my coworker’s second self-published novel. Despite some major editing issues, the storyline is compelling, and Babineaux’s love of New Orleans and Louisiana culture take on a life of their own.

  

  • The Little Book of Hygge:  The Danish Way to Live Well by Meik Wiking–nonfiction–two stars–My biggest takeaways are candles, Christmas, and lamps make for a happy life.

  

  • 99 Percent Mine by Sally Thorne–romance–two stars–I couldn’t remember the premise of this book while typing in its name nor while reading its synopsis. I only picked it up because I loved Thorne’s The Hating Game.

  

  • The Royal We by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan–chick lit/romance–three stars–I made the mistake of recommending this book to a couple of people before finishing it. It’s loosely based on Prince William and Kate’s love story, but it takes a ludicrous turn towards the end, detracting from how promising it was at the beginning.

  

  • The Royal Runaway by Lindsay Emory–chick lit/romance–two stars–Terrible but readable.

  

  • The Girl Who Drank the Moon by Kelly Barnhill–middle grade fantasy–five stars–Everything I’ve ever wanted in a middle grade fantasy read. Witches? Check. A tiny dragon who thinks he’s gigantic? Check. A Swamp Monster? Check. A young girl who doesn’t know how to control her magic? Check. Stunning language and message? Check.

  

  • My Oxford Year by Julia Whelan–contemporary fiction/romance–two stars–Ella, an educational policy political advisor, receives a Rhodes Scholarship and falls in love with her professor during her time in Oxford. I liked Ella’s eclectic friend group more than her.

  

  • How Not to Die Alone by Richard Roper–contemporary fiction–four stars–Funny and touching while being mildly dark.

  

  • Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes–contemporary fiction–four stars–Evvie’s husband died on the day she was going to leave him. Still grappling with guilt a year later, she takes on a tenant, a former MLB pitcher who suddenly started throwing wild pitches instead of strikes, to get a little extra money. The dialogue is funny and well-done.

  

  • Royals (Royals, #1) by Rachel Hawkins–YAL–four stars–READ THIS INSTEAD OF THE ROYAL WE.

  

  • The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman–contemporary fiction/chick lit–five stars–This is by far the best book set in a bookshop that I’ve read all year.

  

  • Natalie Tan’s Book of Luck and Fortune by Roselle Lim–magical realism–3 stars–When Natalie’s agoraphobic mother dies suddenly in San Francisco, Natalie comes home and discovers that Chinatown has changed. With the intent of reopening her grandmother’s restaurant, Natalie tries to breathe life back into the dying community by cooking magical meals for her neighbors.

  

  As always discussion is welcome, and I’m always looking for recommendations.

  All cover jacket art courtesy of Goodreads. 

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged 99 percent mine, abbi waxman, blogging, blogs, book reviews, books, evvie drake starts over, ghost kisses, heather cocks and jessica morgan, how not to die alone, julia whelan, kellie babineaux, kelly barnhill, linda holmes, lindsay emory, meik wiking, my oxford year, natalie tan's book of luck & fortune, rachel hawkins, read, reading, richard roper, roselle lim, royals, sally thorne, the bookish life of nina hill, the girl who drank the moon, the little book of hygge, the royal runaway, the royal we, writing

• A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Tale: What I Bought Versus What I Got–Llama Dress Edition

  Posted at 2:21 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on August 31, 2019

  

  Like any llama loving teacher, I scoured the internet for llama-phernalia for my classroom before summer’s end. I scored a new water bottle, shoulder tote, and sticker decal set. 

  And while my favorite fluffy animal has been incorporated into my teacher wardrobe via a plethora of printed punny shirts, I desperately wanted a llama dress for the first day of school. Now before judging me, I realize a llama dress might be a bit obnoxious on the first day, but the longer I teach, the more I let my crazy flag fly from the get-go. At my school, we’re allowed to wear jeans and T-shirts as rewards, and teachers-a-plenty wore jeans on the first day of school. But, I’m of the staunch opinion that IT’S TOO HOT FOR PANTS in Louisiana in August, particularly when sweating through outdoor recess duty at lunchtime. So imma wear a dress, a llama one at that, thanks. 

  Unfortunately for me, Amazon doesn’t currently offer a llama dress (I’m researching ways to remedy this situation. I mean, how dare they!). Adding one to my already chock full-ama virtual shopping cart wasn’t an option, so venturing out into the non-Amazon, scary Russian roulette interwebs shopping realm was my last resort to fulfilling my dream.

  On meowpinky.com, my eyes grazed this dress, and like any responsible social media user in her mid to late 30s, I immediately screenshot it and polled my Facebook friends as to whether I should purchase it. To no one’s surprise, the answer was yes. I decided on green, even though it was available in many colors, because I wanted to make my new llama friend feel like she was in nature, chomping on hay or grass or whatever llamas eat. (Mental note:  Must make time to research what llamas actually eat.)

  

  I anxiously awaited my new llama dress, but she didn’t arrive by the first day of school. In fact, she didn’t arrive until last week because she journeyed all the way from China, and upon arrival in the U.S., meandered her way from the West Coast to Louisiana like the free-range camelid she is.  

  When she finally arrived, I tore into her packaging with glee and unfurled her to view her full glory. And while she is glorious, she’s not quite the glorious that I was expecting. She looks rather cheap, and I’m quite scandalized by her appearance. She’s honestly gloriously terrible, and I love her even more because of it.

  You see, the person who brought her into being simply printed her outline in black on a giant piece of army green vinyl and then IRONED ON THE ENTIRE PIECE OF ARMY GREEN VINYL, OFF CENTER NO LESS, ONTO AN UNMATCHED MOSS GREEN DRESS.

  

  Her poor pockets resemble two marsupial pouches, she is of the camel family dammit, that look like they have both housed five too many babies. 

  

   I would wear her to school to parade her around, despite being poorly made (It’s not her fault.), but she’s too short to wear even with leggings. So me showing her off like a proud mama displaying pics of her newborn on Insta, Facebook, and WordPress will have to suffice as her first and last public appearance. 

  

  I’d love to hear about your online shopping mishaps! 

   

  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 0 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, funny, humor, llama, llamas, shopping gone wrong, teaching, writing

• A Poem: You’re the Apple of my Eye, Phone

  Posted at 1:50 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on August 24, 2019

  

  you’re the apple of my eye phone the best pal I’ve ever known

  olive you so much that I’ve lost the common touch I’d rather touch my screen than plum give two shoulder shrugs about my hygiene let alone being publicly seen

  yore the apple of my eye phone the best pal I’ve ever known

  when I’m in the driver’s seat I don’t need my eyes on the road because I’m gazing at my lap typing in my passcode and texting eggplant emojis to my bestie sorry about not paying attention at that last red light don’t get testy btw thanks for the courtesy honk I was ordering personalized t’s from etsy

  your the apple of my eye phone the best pal I’ve ever known

  I no longer care about capitalizing letters punctuation or spelling correctly scrolling through facebook is more compelling than peeling pineapples for a crisp confusing sentences are the new who dis and peals of laughter dissolve into the will o’ the wisps

  yore I meant your dammit autocorrect you’re the apple of my iPhone the best pal I’ve ever known

  Posted in poems, poetry, Uncategorized, writing | 3 Comments | Tagged Apple of my eye, blogging, blogs, iPhone, poems, poems about technology, poetry, writing

• How I Build Relationships with Students on the First Day of School

  Posted at 2:11 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on August 17, 2019

  

  On the first day of school, I memorize each of my new students’ names by the time they exit my classroom. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. Let me reiterate:  Mrs. Ram Jam, a walking disaster who can’t even remember her own telephone number or her husband’s real name 80 percent of the time (In my defense, he goes by his nickname. If you know my husband, do you even know his real name????), matches every single kid’s countenance to their name correctly within a 75 minute class period on the first day, retaining a 98 percent accuracy the next day–and I teach 90 kids, every day.

  You might be flabbergasted, flummoxed, or impressed by my powers of memorization, but here are three reasons why I make committing their names to mind a priority:

  1. I’m trying to build relationships. It shows the students I care–from day one. It says I don’t know YOU as a person, but I value YOU, even though I don’t know YOU yet. It says I’m here for YOU and I see YOU and I recognize how YOU are an individual, separate from the sea of other faces in this classroom. 
  2. It makes me look like a badass. (Just kidding!) 
  3. I lied. There are no other reasons. See bullet one. 

  Now for the how I do it:

  1. I handwrite all students’ names, emblazing them on my mush-for-brain, and tape their names to their assigned desks.
  2. On the first day, I stand outside my door, student roster clipped to a clipboard, and look at students’ faces while saying their names out loud, confirming their pronunciation.
  3. I call students by name anytime I address them in class.
  4. While students do an icebreaker that requires them to meet everyone, I’m up and talking to them, ensuring I match each name to each face several times. 
  5. Right before class’s end and without looking at their names, I stand in front of the class, go around the room, and say every student’s name correctly–like a badass.
  6. During my off period, I click through our online grading/attendance program, looking at their names and their pictures to reinforce name-to-brain imprinting.

  (Sidebar:  THIS ONLY APPLIES TO STUDENTS’ FIRST NAMES. LAST NAMES TAKE ME WEEKS. BABY STEPS, Y’ALL. BABY. STEPS.)

  While memorizing students’ names on the first day might not be how you start building relationships, I’d love to hear your beginning of the year methods that make you look like the badass teacher that you are.  

  And for those of you who struggle with memorizing students’ names, here’s an oldie but a goodie that I wrote last year:  A Poem (Plus Stage Directions): Why Teachers Can’t Remember Names at the Beginning of the Year.

  Happy new school year!

  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 6 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, buildingrelationships, students, teaching, writing

• Mini Book Reviews for July 2019

  Posted at 1:41 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on August 10, 2019

  

   

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  (All book jacket art is taken from Goodreads.)

  I’m a week late with my mini book reviews for July because Little Thing’s rhyming gone wrong debacle needed internet publishing ASAP. And since I NEVER have anything written before my self imposed weekly Saturday deadline (and this week coincides with my first week back to school), these mini-reviews might be semi-coherent. My priorities were elsewhere this week, like getting to know the kids I’m in charge of for the whole year and fighting off back-to-school-teacher-tired exhaustion. 

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  • The Power by Naomi Alderman–4 stars–dystopian/science fiction–Alderman attempts to be sci-fi Atwood, but it’s no The Handmaid’s Tale.
  • The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs:  A New History of a Lost World by Steve Brusatte–4 stars–historical nonfiction–I feel like every adult should read a book about dinosaurs occasionally. The biggest downfall of this book is the copious amount of paleontological name dropping the author harps on. We get it Brusatte. You know and have worked with the experts in your field. Matt Foley said it best, “Well la dee fricken da!” (gif credit)
  • Poison Study (Study, #1) by Maria V. Snyder–4 stars–YAL/fantasy–Y’ALL. Except for being mildly predictable (but isn’t all YAL genre fiction?), this read rocked. Yelena, a prisoner awaiting her death, gets granted a stay of execution by becoming the king’s food taster.
  • The Flight Attendant by Chris Bohjalian–4 stars–thriller–Finally, a thriller that I didn’t rank a two or three, even though there’s the whole female alcoholic narrator trope going on here. To nobody’s surprise, she gets sober at the end.
  • Magic Study (Study, #2) by Maria V. Snyder–4 stars–YAL/fantasy
  • Fire Study (Study, #3) by Maria V. Snyder–4 stars–YAL/fantasy–Despite me loving this series, I’m stopping here for the indefinite future. After this book, the POV switches to different main characters and the reading order gets massively confusing.
  • There There by Tommy Orange–4 stars–contemporary fiction–Wow. There There narrates the tale of multiple, interconnected Native American characters leading up to and during a powwow in Oakland. Orange’s writing style is unlike any I’ve ever seen, repeating words in subsequent sentences for impact and with stunning, heartbreaking sentences.
  • Educated by Tara Westover–4 stars–nonfiction/memoir–Westover delineates her ascent through the upper echelons of prestigious academia despite no formal education and having a hostile living environment before entering Brigham Young University. While I did compulsively read this memoir, I had a hard time rectifying some parts of the story. Westover does an impeccable job of pointing out where her narrative differs from those of her family members or other people who were present during particular events and even points out that her journals were often written with what she wanted to belive instead of what happened, so I have a hard time accepting all of this book as true. I’m jaded when it comes to reading memoirs anymore because there’s no true way to tell a tale from the past.
  • Carnegie’s Maid by Marie Benedict–2 stars–historical fiction–Fresh off the boat from Ireland, Clara Kelly falsely impersonates a dead person, becoming a lady’s maid for Andrew Carnegie’s mother. I felt like I was being talked down to this entire book. Benedict frequently stopped and defined words, like lady’s maid jargon, that I could have figured out from context. I’m not an idiot, and most readers aren’t either.
  • The Bookshop of Yesterdays by Amy Meyerson–4 stars–contemporary fiction–What reader doesn’t love books that take place in bookshops?
  • The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides–3 stars–thriller–Not terrible. Spoiler alert–there’s a silent patient.
  • The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern–reread–3 stars–fantasy–I DID A HORRIBLE THING AND RE-READ ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS. AND GUESS WHAT–IT’S NOT NEARLY AS FANTASTIC AS I REMEMBER IT. Vague description plagues the plot, featuring an anticlimactic, skimmed over resolution. Why did I ruin a good thing? However, Morgenstern will be releasing a new novel towards year’s end that I’m intrigued by.
  • Not That Bad:  Dispatches from Rape Culture edited by Roxanne Gay–5 stars–nonfiction/essays–STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND READ THIS BOOK. It’s raw, ugly, heartbreaking, enlightening. It will gut you.
  • Next Year in Havana by Chanel Cleeton–2 stars–historical fiction/contemporary fiction–I officially declare historical fiction not my jam. Marisol, a Cuban American reporter, travels to Cuba for the first time to distribute her Grandma Elisa’s ashes. During her visit, she uncovers her grandmother’s secret past. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. You get the alternating story of Marisol and Elisa, and both stories are too similar–both characters fall in love with revolutionaries and then have to flee Cuba with their lives. I hate books that are too tied together like this. The dialogue was unrealistic; Marisol’s love interest basically gives all of Cuba’s history in long drawn out lectures every time he opens his mouth.
  • The Girl He Used to Know by Tracey Garvis Graves–1 star–contemporary fiction–I thought I was going to adore this book. Part of it takes place at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana, Mrs. Ram Jam’s Alma Mater (Hail to the Orange/Hail to the Blue/ Hail Alma Mater). The main characters even stop at Kam’s, a notorious campus bar that Mrs. Ram Jam frequented, on their first date. Then for another bizarro world coincidence, the other part (tenish years in the future from the first part) takes place during and after September 11, 2001–  when Mrs. Ram Jam (I’ll stop referring to myself in the third person now.) was a freshman at the U of I and watched the collapse of the second Twin Tower on the Today show when she should have been studying for her first Russian 101 exam. However, I feel like the male love interest in the book who was supposed to be Annika, an autistic woman’s knight in shining armor fetishized her and treated her like she was a child. It left me with a terrible case of the icks, chaulked up to poor writing.
  • Maybe You Should Talk to Someone:  A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb–four stars–nonfiction/memoir–Gottlieb can write. The title explains the basic premise of the book. And like Westover’s Educated, Gottlieb makes it clear that she is an unreliable narrator, too. Maybe I should talk to someone about how much of a skeptical reader I’ve become. The book’s jacket features a tissue box, and you better have one right next to you while you read. I sobbed. Don’t read the end of this book in public.
    

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    Anybody have any fun, mindless reads? My August reading is going to be devoted to them. Nothing heavy for this already exhausted teacher.

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, book reviews, books, carnegie's maid, educated, maybe you should talk to someone, next year in havana, not that bad, poison study, read, reading, the bookshop of yesterdays, the flight attendant, the girl he used to know, the night circus, the power, the rise and fall of the dinosaurs, there there, writing

• A Little Thing Tale: Rhyming Gone Wrong

  Posted at 8:09 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on August 2, 2019

  

  In the Mrs. Ram Jam household as of late, Little Thing and I have been playing with language more than we’ve been playing with LOL Surprise Dolls, Barbies, and board games combined.  

  Since toddlerhood instead of calling Little Thing by name at a sentence’s end, I’ve taken the last word of a sentence, inserted a comma and the word chicken, and rhymed the next word with the word before chicken. For example, I say things like:  Go to bed, Chicken Head! Shut the door, Chicken Hardcore! Brush your hair, Chicken Chair! 

  On the verge of second grade, Little Thing has caught on to my rhyming game and attempts the rhyming pattern herself. Her endeavors fall into five different categories: nonsensical, same word rhyme, benign, bemusing, and alarming. 

  Here are real, verbatim rhyme ventures, broken down by categories, quipped by Little Thing in the past few days:

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  Nonsensical:

       Why did that wobble, Chicken Schwobble?

  Same Word Rhyme:

       I have to go to the bathroom, Chicken Bathroom.

  Benign:

       What am I gonna wear, Chicken Spare?

       Tomorrow it’ll be in the big can, Chicken Span.

       I wish I could get the cat, Chicken Spat.

       You might want to close the door, Chicken Bore.

       Are you getting ready, Chicken Freddy?

  Bemusing:

       We’re gonna be late, Chicken Watergate!

  Alarming:

       The ground’s covered in germs, Chicken Sperm! (Sidebar Number One:  hollered while collecting her pool accouterments in earshot of a sunbathing, older woman.)

       Are you gonna buy lipstick, Chicken Dick? (Sidebar Number Two:  chirped in Walmart’s makeup aisle and overheard by a woman who threw hella eye daggers my direction.)

  ---

  Now if you’re judging me instead of stifling a laugh, I don’t for one second believe Little Thing actually knows what “sperm” or “dick” means. She was simply putting sounds together to try to make things rhyme, but the coincidence isn’t lost on me.

  She’s also been warned not to play this game with anybody else, and I feel like there’s an awkward conversation waiting to happen with her near future second-grade teacher. 

  On that note, what’s the most inappropriate thing your kid has ever said? I’m all ears, Chicken Dears! 

  

  Photo by Daniel Reche on Pexels.com

   

   

  Posted in parenting, Uncategorized, writing | 5 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, kids, parenting, rhyming

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