Mrs. Ram's Jams

Tag: blogs

• Why I Love and Hate Teaching Romeo and Juliet

  Posted at 3:34 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on February 22, 2020

  

  Psssttt. Here’s a secret. This English teacher hates Romeo and Juliet more than the Montagues and Capulets loathe each other. (I know. Gasp. Shocked emoji face. Call Karen in HR and fire me right now.) And because it’s entrenched in the freshman canon, I will never escape its overtly romantical clutches as long as I am teaching English I. 

  Why do I hate Romeo and Juliet and teaching it?

  1. Romeo, a whiny lover boy ruled by his teenage emotions, is my least favorite Shakespeare character. I spend the entire time wanting to smack him and talk some logic into him. 
  2. Benvolio sucks too. Whenever something big happens on stage, Benvolio summarizes the just-happened events for new-to-the-scene characters. 
  3. The way Romeo and Juliet talk to one another makes me gag. Love stories aren’t my Ram Jam. 
  4. The students harp on the fact that Juliet is 13 and never recover from it. They also debate Romeo’s age endlessly (The text never gives it.). They talk about this the ENTIRE time we’re reading. 
  5. It’s full of sexual innuendo, and I teach middle school. Need I say more? 
  6. I’d much rather tackle The Taming of the Shrew, The Tempest, Twelfth Night, Othello, or Macbeth. 

  And while I do lather on the Romeo and Juliet hate thick, I love teaching it for almost the same reasons I despise teaching it.

  1. I take my hate and shout it from the desktops from the beginning. It’s simple really. I let the kids know I hate Romeo and Benvolio. I don’t tell the students why. I string them along and build interest to hook them, revealing tidbits here and there why I hate Romeo and Benvolio as the acts unfold. I use my Romeo hate to teach characterization. I use my Benvolio hate to teach summarizing. I make my hate passionate, fun, and refreshing instead of letting it bring my lessons down. Frequently, the kids hate Romeo too, and we bond through our mutual dislike. 
  2. Even though it’s a love story and the ooey-gooey language makes me cringe, I appreciate the poetry. We analyze the heck out of the figurative language and poetic structure of Romeo and Juliet’s dialogue. For example, when Romeo and Juliet meet for the first time, they actually start rhyming together in their religious imagery-filled banter and wind up creating a shared mini sonnet, which is pretty freaking cool from a structural standpoint. 
  3. The kids relate to the teenage emotions running rampant throughout the text even though they pretend that all of the kissing mortifies them. We discuss why it’s important to not be ruled by emotions and how to consider situations logically. 
  4. The kids have zero knowledge of Elizabethan theater and England before they start reading and are fascinated by what they learn. The fact that it was illegal for women to act so men played all the parts blows their minds. They’re horrified and enthralled when they discover women could get married at twelve years old and were sometimes married to much older men. They have no concept that modern medicine did not apply back then, women often died in childbirth, and child death rates were high. They’re floored when they realize Nurse was Juliet’s wet nurse and that the word nurse etymologically stems from a Latin word meaning “to nourish.” 
  5. On the day we start Act I Scene 1, I tell them Shakespeare is a dirty old white guy to prepare them for the puns and hook them into the play. You might find this method a little shocking, but have you read this play? It’s full of inappropriate jokes, and while it might have gone over your head when you were in high school, my kids understand what they’re reading. If I didn’t prepare them for the dirty jokes, my lesson could crash and burn in a million different ways. They appreciate being treated like adults. When I handle it this way, it minimizes the puns, and we’re able to focus on the storyline and the structure. 
  6. Even though Romeo and Juliet isn’t my favorite play, I love Shakespeare and theater. I’m able to channel that love into a play I hate (My only love sprung from my only hate! Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.). I’m in my element when I’ve got the bard and a script in front of me, and the students see the best me when this unit rolls around each year. 

  

  What are some texts you hate but you have to teach? I’d love to hear! I’d also love to know why and what you do to combat your hate to make interesting lessons. 

   

  (Also, another shocker, I’m not a huge fan of To Kill a Mockingbird—but that’s a whole other blog post.)

   
  Posted in books, poetry, reading, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged benvolio, blogging, blogs, drama, english teacher, i hate romeo and juliet, juliet, plays, poetry, reading, romeo, romeo and juliet, shakespeare, teaching, teaching shakespeare, writing

• An Ulcerative Colitis Tale: What I Learned During My Hospital Stay

  Posted at 2:54 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on February 8, 2020

  

  Hey! For those who missed it, I spent three nights in the hospital due to an ulcerative colitis flare. 

  I’d tried telling two different doctors at various times throughout January that my medicine stopped working, but nobody listened to me. 

  For a week before I was admitted, my doctor’s office ghosted me. I called. I emailed. Nothing. No answer. Radio static. (Long story here. If you want more details, call, text, or inbox me.)

  I felt like Demi Lovato singing “Anyone” at the Grammys.

  Turns out, shocker, that my colitis had spread further into my colon, and I needed a blood transfusion to replace the blood I had lost. 

  Because. Nobody. Listened. To. Me. Seriously. 

  Ugh.  

  But I won’t get into the entire story right now because:

  1. I’m still really upset.
  2. it should have never happened.

  Because. Nobody. Listened. To. Me. 

  ---

  Enough of the negativity. Here’s what I learned during my hospital stay.

  1. Beware the pretty pills. My nurses ooohhhhhed and awwwwwed over a lovely, jade-colored pill, presented to me in a tiny plastic cup. We never get to see colorful pills! Look how pretty! They said. All we ever see are plain-colored pills! Considering the sheer number of medicines overwhelming my system, I missed all the warning signs that this “pretty green pill” was the Green Fairy in Moulin Rouge. After achieving mind-blowingly high status twice in four hours, I, slurring my words, accused the nurses of slipping me roofies and refused to take more. Unfortunately, my mother called both times I was baked, and I had to hang up on her. Sorry Mom! Also, if you texted me while I was drugged, and I promised I would steal you some roofies too, come see me later. (Just kidding!!!!) (gif credit)
  2. If you spill your water all over your bed, you don’t get a new bed; you get put on a puppy pad.  I felt properly shamed. Don’t worry. At least they didn’t try to stick my nose in it . . .
  3. Teacher expectations are ridiculous. Sorry. Here’s the negativity again. What was I doing before getting a blood transfusion? Typing up emergency lesson plans. Posting student instructions on Google Classroom. Trying to line up a sub for the next day–while I had IVs in both arms. Just to make sure my students weren’t given short shrift by my emergency absence. How insane is that? Read what I just wrote again. Insane. Utterly insane. If you are outside the education field, I don’t think you’ll ever understand the pressures that teachers face. My absence also created more work for my immediate grade level team members, and thank you, 8th-grade team, from the bottom of my heart for helping.
  4. I am officially a vampire. I’ve got someone else’s blood running through my veins! Call me Bill Compton! Edward! Dracula! Bunnicula! Waiittttt. Why are the great vampires all dudes? I need to rectify this, Le-stat! You can address me as Rampire. It has a nice ring to it. (My brother, on the other hand, thinks this equates me with a mosquito, not a vampire, and I’ll need a reinforcement coven to convince him otherwise.)(gif credit)
  5. Never doubt the medicine of a good laugh. Two of my friends came to visit, made me laugh the entire time they were there, and brought me this hysterical card. My bestie from high school sent me these flowers with this funny card. And the Facebook-requested memes and videos brightened my days. Here’s my favorite gif that I received during my stay. (Sorry not sorry for the crass humor. This is hilarious.)

  And while humor helps, what happened to me is no laughing matter. If you suffer from any illness, whether invisible or visible, you are your own best advocate. You are the only person who knows what the pain feels like, and if doctors aren’t listening to you, keep speaking up–even if it feels like nobody is listening to you. 

  ---

  (I respect all doctors, and I am not doctor bashing here, friends. This came down to ineffective communication within a doctor’s office and between doctors’ offices and medical bureaucracy. What happened to me could have been prevented. I’m just relaying how unnervingly unheard I was.) 

   

  Posted in chronic pain, teaching, ulcerative colitis, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, chronic illness, chronic pain, hospital, hospital stays, humor, ibd, inflammatory bowel disease, invisible illness, poop jokes, teacher, teaching, ulcerative colitis, writing

• Mini Book Reviews January 2020

  Posted at 12:27 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on February 1, 2020

  

  Even though January lasts eons, I look forward to reading in January each year. In December, I peruse the best-of-the-year book lists that permeate book lovers’ blogs and throw their favorites on my January TBR. I end up reading a few fantastic books at the beginning of every year.

  ---

  Wilder Girls by Rory Power –YAL horror–published 2019–two stars:  Under quarantine because of a slow-moving, fatal disease called the “Tox,” an all-girls school battles with the fallout. Even though the premise is fresh, Power failed to create a single likable character. Because of plot holes, the characters starved for no plausible reason. However, the cover is badass. I still can’t stop looking at it.

  

  Because Internet:  Understanding the New Rules of Language by Gretchen McCulloch–nonfiction–published 2019–five stars:  This. Book. Is. Fascinating. As a self-proclaimed word nerd who loves learning about etymology, I couldn’t put this book down. Who wouldn’t want to examine the history of how the internet has influenced the English language’s evolution? Who wouldn’t want to learn about text tone of voice, the history of emojis, and the Unicode Consortium? Plus, McCulloch’s comedic word-nerd voice radiates throughout. Take away? Stop judging informal writing as if it were formal. Texting and social media writing will never follow standard English.

  

  The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw–YAL fantasy–published 2018–two stars:  Three sisters, killed for their supposed witchery 200 hundred years ago, come back every summer to haunt the seaside town responsible for their demises. They drown unsuspecting teenage boys to take their revenge. Disclaimer–the adult supervision in this town is nonexistent. The parents allow the teenagers to throw a massive beach party on the night of the witches’ reappearance even though there are drowning deaths every summer? Come. On. A girl goes missing during this time, and the teenagers hold her hostage. The adults neglect to search for the missing girl. Ugh. Now, I admit, I missed a plot twist, but I’ll blame that on the muscle relaxer I took the night I read the book.

  

  The Chain by Adrian McKinty–crime/thriller–published 2019–three stars:  A divorcée and breast cancer survivor named Rachel is finally getting her life back on track when two people kidnap her daughter Kylie from the school bus stop. This is no normal kidnapping. Rachel gets a phone call demanding ransom and that she must kidnap and hold another child hostage to get her own daughter released. The people who kidnapped her daughter received the same phone call and instructions, and this process goes back years like a chain letter. Forced into a terrible position, Rachel and her family face death if they break “the chain.” The plot is inconceivable. Have everyday Joes become mastermind kidnappers at the drop of hat and not get caught nor go to the police? No chance. I found parts of the prose contrived. For example towards the novel’s end, McKinty explains the metaphor of the chain. Mind blown emoji. Don’t explain the metaphor McKinty! You know better. I guess I’m just in desperate need of a good thriller because this genre consistently fails in impressing me.

  

  Night (The Night Trilogy, #1) by Elie Wiesel–memoir–published 1956–five stars:  Considering my aversion to World War II historical fiction and nonfiction, it shouldn’t be surprising that I’ve eschewed reading this memoir for years. However, Wiesel’s austere prose gutted me.

  

  Normal People by Sally Rooney–contemporary fiction–published 2019–four stars:  Connell and Marianne, high schoolers who come from different backgrounds, fall for each other, hiding their relationship from their friends and their families. Their toxic relationship follows them to college. I disliked Connell and Marianne but liked this novel.

  

  The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow–YAL fantasy–published 2019–four stars:  January, raised by a rich armchair archeologist, pines for a grand adventure. One day she discovers a door, walks through it, and finds herself in another world. Her guardian then destroys the door. Once she discovers there are more doors leading to millions of other worlds, her hero’s journey begins. The magical, wistful, and carefully chosen words shine on the page, creating a glorious fairy tale.

  

  Where the Forest Meets the Stars by Glendy Vanderah–contemporary fiction–published 2019–five stars: Trying to resume her ornithology research after a health setback,  Joanna rents a cabin in Southern Illinois to conduct her studies and to help her heal. One night, a little girl appears, and Joanna enlists her reclusive neighbor to help solve the mystery of the scared, intelligent girl. I. Could. Not. Put. This. Book. Down. If you enjoyed Where the Crawdads Sing, you’ll love this book; it’s better than Crawdads. It has more humor and more heart while being less dense.

  

  The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern–fantasy–published 2019–five stars:  I held off on picking up this book for two reasons. 1. It’s lengthy. 2. I reread Morgenstern’s Night Circus last year, and to my horror, couldn’t explain why I thought it phenomenal upon first reading. As a result, I thought this book would waste my time. A few book reviewers who I respect critically panned this book while others loud capped their approval. Morgenstern’s sophomore novel is more concrete, vivid, and literary than her first. Much like the above-reviewed The Ten Thousand Doors of January, the plot focuses on doors leading to other worlds and the doors’ widespread destruction.

  

  Get a Life, Chloe Brown (The Brown Sisters, #1) by Talia Hibbert–romance–published 2019–three stars:  The titular protagonist faces chronic pain, moving from her family home to prove her independence. As soon as she unpacks her flat, she gets the hots for her building’s super hot super. Against her better judgment, she asks him to help her cross off items from her “get a life” list. Chloe has fibromyalgia, the same disease I suffer from. Brown does a decent job describing its symptoms and the day-to-day difficulties those symptoms create, but that does not outweigh this romance novel’s mediocrity.

  

  Do I Make Myself Clear? Why Writing Well Matters by Harold Evans–nonfiction–published 2017–three stars:  Believe me, Harold Evans, a well-respected British editor, would judge my writing. While I found a few of his insights valuable–particularly the importance of writing a clear sentence, he’s a self-described language purist and abhors English language evolution. Parts of this book are simply old-school grammar textbook lists of things like common word usage mistakes. He also t-charts poorly written passages of a wide variety of genres with his commentary of its weaknesses. These parts made me feel like I was trying to wade through terribly constructed student work, resulting in my head wanting to explode. Read a different book if you want writing tips.

  

  The Cactus by Sarah Haywood–contemporary fiction–published 2018–three stars: Even though Reese Witherspoon is a national treasure, her book club picks are literary trash. I”ve yet to read one I’ve rated higher than a three. The Cactus is a lesser Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine. The plot twist exposed itself within the books’ first quarter.

  

  Ava and Pip (Ava and Pip #1) by Carol Weston–middle grade–published 2014–four stars:  Ava, a writing loving elementary schooler, tries to help her painfully shy older sister Pip find her voice. Little Thing and I enjoyed this read.

  

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  What did you read in January, friends?

  As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on these books if you’ve read them!

  (All cover art is taken from Goodreads.com)

   

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized, writing | 0 Comments | Tagged adrian mckinty, alix e harrow, ava and pip, because internet, blogging, blogs, book reviews, book reviews january, books, carol weston, do i make myself clear, elie wiesel, erin morgenstern, fiction, geta life chloe brown, glendy vanderah, gretchen mcculoch, harold evans, middle grade, mini book reviews, night, nonfiction, normal people, reading, rory power, sally rooney, sarah haywood, shea ernshaw, talia hibbert, the cactus, the chain, the starless sea, the ten thousand doors of january, the wicked deep, where the forest meets the stars, wilder girls, writing, YAL

• A Teacher Poem: Buzz Words

  Posted at 11:17 am by Mrs. Ram Jam, on January 25, 2020

  

  begin with the end in mind, AKA backward design
  Common Core and 504
  ELL, STEM, and IEP are not absentee (But if they were, you’d have to let them make up the work, for sure.)
  collaborate and debate
  Claim retired, and its replacement is assertion; try teaching that to little persons.

  rigor
  response
  reflection
  rubric
  will point you in the right (write?) direction

  facilitate with fidelity; provide actionable feedback . . . (but don’t call in sick unless you’re having a heart attack)
  Is your summative assessment warm or cold? (Grab a blanket–so we’re told.)
  flip the classroom; personalize learning (to get their brains churning)

  What’s the objective? 
  Does it align with the standards?
  How does the curriculum get them college and career ready?

  Scaffold.
  Differentiate.
  Rigor.
  Peer conversations.
  Rigor.
  Text complexity.

  Rigor.
  Rigor.
  Rigor.

  Build relationships. 
  Rigor.
  One to one.
  Rigor.
  Lexile.
  Rigor. 

  Rigor.
  Rigor.
  Rigor.

  TRIGGER WARNING

  The kids still find it boring.

  And by week’s end, the only buzz words we care about are Tito’s, tequila, and Tanqueray (with honorable mentions to happy hour and chardonnay).

  

  Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

  Posted in poems, poetry, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, english teacher, humor, middle school teacher, poems, poems about teaching, poetry, teacher, teaching, teaching middle school, writing

• A Poem About Ulcerative Colitis: The Ouroboros

  Posted at 2:01 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on January 18, 2020

  

  What does ulcerative colitis feel like? Here’s my best poetic attempt.

  ---

  twisted under blankets to smother

  the bushfire 
  raging through the
  death adder
  hissing 
  flicking its forked tongue
  fangs
  puncturing smoke and blaze
  scarring its wake vermilion, bitter, black
  sloughing its cinders
  a phoenix-masked ouroboros

  twisted under fire blankets aching for the rain

  ---

  As always, invisible illness only remains invisible unless we talk about it.  I hope all my fellow chronic pain sufferers find their rain soon.

  

   

   

  Posted in chronic pain, poems, poetry, ulcerative colitis, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, chronic illness, chronic pain, ibd, inflammatory bowel disease, invisible illness, poems, poetry, ulcerative colitis, writing

• Mrs. Ram’s Jams New Year’s Resolutions for 2020

  Posted at 12:02 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on January 11, 2020

  

  It’s that time of year! With our holiday travel, the new decade ushered in, and my 37th birthday (yikes!) over, I’ve found a moment to jot down my goals for 2020.

  ---

  1. Stop referring to myself as “Mommy” when conversing with Little Thing. 

  She’s seven. This is going to be a long-overdue, hard habit to break. Considering I’ve mostly conquered my spacing twice after a period at a sentence’s end habit, this resolution is attainable.

  

  image credit

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  2. Spend less time on social media. 

  Last month, I read Digital Minimalism:  Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport, which calls for deleting social media apps and points out that when Apple created the iPhone, the company never envisioned it becoming a pocket-sized, distracting mini-computer. While I won’t be deleting Facebook and Instagram, I do agree with his underlying argument. I’m monitoring my activity closely, even deleting distracting Facebook notifications and turning off email notifications.

  

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  3. Manage my stress better.

  A. My ulcerative colitis is barely managed right now. My medicine stopped working, and I’m a week out from an IBD specialist consult with a John Hopkins’ educated gastroenterologist. My UC stresses me out, and stress triggers flare-ups.

  B. I’ve got a new curriculum for one of my classes, and I have two preps. I’m existing like a primitive amoebic blob with mush for brains, crossing my pseudopods, I mean fingers, and hoping that everything works out in the end.

  C. My school district is building a new middle school, relieving overcrowding for my school and a neighboring one. To staff it, they’re taking teachers from both schools. What does this mean for me? Who knows, but it’s freaking me out! No matter what, it’s the last year I’ll be working with some of my coworkers, furthering my anxiety. 

  This all boils down to I’m a nervous wreck, and I need a way to cope. I’ve tried anxiety medicine before, but my fibromyalgia causes me to have exaggerated side effects with lots of medications. (For example, I tried to take half of a low dose muscle relaxer with my UC medicine last weekend, my rheumatologist assured me it would be okay, and I was a wet-noodled narcoleptic the next day.) I’m going to find some books on managing stress and look into therapy.

  

  gif credit

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  What are your 2020 resolutions friends?

   

   

   

  Posted in chronic pain, fibromyalgia, parenting, ulcerative colitis, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, kids, new year, new year's resolutions, new year's resolutions 2020, parenting, teaching, writing

• Top Twenty Books 2019

  Posted at 2:15 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on January 2, 2020

  

  (featured photo credit)

  Sorry for my unannounced extended hiatus . . . but life happens (e.g. two teaching preps, new curriculum, remodeling the kitchen, traveling for the holidays, and obsessively listening to Taylor Swift’s Red and Lover albums whilst procrastinating). But I’M BAAAAACCCCKKKK on the 2020 blogging train with one of my favorite yearly posts–my favorite reads of 2019.

  And choosing my favorite reads this year proved more difficult than it was the previous year. I’m #sorrynotsorry for the lack of book reviews for my faves, but trying to decide which of the 153 books I read deserved to be ranked sucked my time for this post dry. Quite frankly, there are nearly 40 more books that I’d recommend; if you want to see a full list of my 2019 reads and how I rated them, check out my 2019 book challenge on Goodreads.

  Anyway, drumroll please . . . here are my favorite books read in 2019:

  1. Not That Bad:  Dispatches from Rape Culture edited by Roxane Gay–nonfiction essays–five stars–published 2018
  2. Recursion by Black Crouch–science fiction–five stars–published 2019
  3. Arc of a Scythe series (Scythe, Thunderhead, and The Toll) by Neal Shusterman–dystopian YAL–five stars–published 2016-2019
  4. A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza–contemporary fiction–five stars–published 2019
  5. Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid–historical/contemporary fiction–five stars–published 2019
  6. Dopesick:  Dealers, Doctors, and the Drug Company that Addicted America by Beth Macy–political nonfiction–five stars–published 2018
  7. The New Jim Crow:  Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander–political nonfiction–five stars–published 2010
  8. The Library Book by Susan Orlean–historical nonfiction–five stars–published 2018
  9. The Girl Who Drank the Moon by Kelly Barnhill–middle grade fantasy–five stars–published 2016
  10. The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate–middle grade–five stars–published 2012
  11. The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman–chick lit/books about books–five stars–published 2019
  12. Inside Out & Back Again by Thanhha Lai–middle grade poetry/historical fiction–five stars–published 2011
  13. The Common Good by Robert B. Reich–political nonfiction–five stars–published 2018
  14. The Trouble with Poetry – And Other Poems by Billy Collins–poetry–five stars–published 2007
  15. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid–historical/contemporary fiction–four stars–published 2017
  16. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone:  A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb–autobiographical nonfiction–four stars–published 2019
  17. On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong–fiction/poetry–four stars–published 2019
  18. Ask Again, Yes by Mary Beth Keane–contemporary fiction–four stars–published 2019
  19. The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead–historical fiction–four stars–published 2019
  20. Bad Blood:  Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup by John Carreyrou–business nonfiction–four stars–published 2018

  There you have it! I’ll be back next week with my New Year’s resolutions post.

  (All book art taken from Goodreads.com)

   

  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, book reviews, books, books in 2019, read, reading, top twenty, top twenty books, writing, yoga

• A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Guide to Grading Papers at Home

  Posted at 2:16 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on October 19, 2019

  

  Although I manage to grade most student-written essays during school hours, inevitably home grading transpires from time to time. Here’s what my grading process looks like when I do lug home heaps of papers.

  1. Sit at the kitchen table, and empty llama tote bag of dreaded essays.
  2. Shuffle all essays into groups of five, piling them into one tower by alternating stacks perpendicularly.
  3. Grab blue Uniball pen. Fancy pens make grading tolerable. Giggle because the word “Uniball” is funny.
  4. Snap a picture of grading setup, witty teacher caption included, and post it to Insta and Facebook stories.
  5. Realize fifteen minutes has passed. Pick up Uniball. Bust into laughter again. Little Thing hollers, “What’s so funny? Can I see?”
  6. Skim first paper while chuckling. Chuckles dissolve into whimpers of distress because the first essay is ghastly, soul-crushing.
  7. Shuffle the broken paper to stack’s end.
  8. Scan the next five essays without connecting pen to paper, and hyperventilating starts. HOW CAN ALL OF THEM BE PIECES OF POO ON A STICK?????? Question career path and meaning of life. Become convinced of worst teacher on the planet status. Stash those five essays to the back of the pile.
  9. Search for best student writer’s essay. Read it. Faith in humanity is restored.
  10. Glance up and around. Am horrified by the dishes mounded in the sink and clutter-strewn house. Decide to tidy up, clean the toilets, and scrub the master bathroom’s floor with a toothbrush.
  11. Register it’s dinner time, have wasted an entire Saturday afternoon, and cook dinner.
  12. Make husband do dishes in order to get back to grading.
  13. Scroll through Facebook on the ChromeBook for an hour instead with the stack of papers as an audience. Their collective judgment is palpable.
  14. Pick up Uniball. Smirk. 
  15. Trudge through five essays, finally giving feedback.
  16. Decide grading is more fun with wine. Pour a glass.
  17. Down the glass swiftly like a college student shooting a lemon drop.
  18. Grade five more essays in half the time, because wine. Uniball has the time of his life.
  19. Pour another glass, and lose steam quickly after, only grading two more essays. 
  20. Call it a night, and resolve to spend Sunday afternoon at the library grading because Grading. At. Home. Doesn’t. Work.
  21. Tuck a wilted and defeated Uniball into bed, errrr, back into his llama tote bag house.
  22. Decide a blue felt pen is more appropriate for library essay grading. It would be mildly embarrassing to get kicked out for hysterical laughter.

  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

   

  Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 0 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, english teacher, funny, grading essays, humor, middle school teacher, students, teaching, writing

• September 2019 Mini Book Reviews

  Posted at 7:41 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on October 4, 2019

  

   

  1. Waiting for Tom Hanks (Waiting for Tom Hanks, #1) by Kerry Winfrey–romance/chick lit–three stars–Speaking of waiting, I waited for this digital borrow for weeks before laying my hands on it. Annie, a wannabe screenwriter obsessed with Tom Hanks rom-coms, lands a gig as a director’s assistant when a, insert loud gasp here, romantic comedy starts shooting in her small Ohio town. In a glaringly obvious plot twist, she falls hard for the who-she-perceives-to-be-playboy-jackass lead. It’s a decent read, but you’d be better off snuggling up to a Nora Ephron book or movie instead.
  2. The Golden Compass (His Dark Materials, #1) by Philip Pullman–middle grade/fantasy–three stars–If I remember correctly, I attempted reading this book years ago but had a hard time getting started and gave up on it. I sludged through this time, but dammmmnnnnnnnn. I know this is an unpopular opinion because nostalgia and shit; however, the beginning is  hard to sift through and much better middle grade fantasy literature has been written since this book first came out.
  3. The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead–historical fiction–four stars–Not as fantastic as Whitehead’s Pulitzer winning The Underground Railroad, but it’s still a great read about a real-life inspired reform school in Jim Crow Florida.
  4. Washington Black by Esi Edugyan–historical fiction–four stars
  5. Meet Cute by Helena Hunting–romance/chick lit–three stars–Read Waiting for Tom Hanks instead. Also, I hate the term “meet cute.” Ugh. Can we just strike it from chick lit vernacular?
  6. The City of Ember (Book of Ember, #1) by Jeanne DuPrau–middle grade/dystopian–four stars
  7. Graceling (Graceling Realm, #1) by Kristin Cashore–YAL/fantasy–two stars– Who needs this series when Sarah J. Maas’s Throne of Glass series exists? Nobody.
  8. After (After, #1) by Anna Todd–romance–two stars–I first heard about this book while watching a segment on the Today show about Wattpad, an online platform where self-publishing writers can get real-time feedback from fellow users about what they’re writing. After is a Wattpad sensation, and I had to see what all the fuss was about. While it was compulsively readable, it also managed to hit every romance novel cliche on the head. A poor, academically-gifted freshman in college falls in love with a tatted-up bad boy with a serious jealously problem who screws her over countless times.  Apparently, Wattpad users like verbal abuse because this book is rife with it and made me really uncomfortable, but it didn’t negate the fact that it was compulsively readable.
  9. Her Royal Highness (Royals, #2) by Rachel Hawkins–YAL–two stars–A disappointment after the first book in the series.
  10. The Perfect Nanny by Leila Simani–thriller–four stars—Because we know it’s a thriller, we know the nanny is the antithesis of a perfect one, but while the title and its cover is predictable for the genre, the storyline is anything but. This translated from French novel is succinct and haunting, hitting all the right thriller buttons.
  Posted in books, reading, Uncategorized, writing | 1 Comment | Tagged blogging, blogs, book reviews, books, read, reading, writing

• A Poem: English Class Will Never Be Baseball

  Posted at 3:40 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on September 21, 2019

  

  English class will never be baseball.

  Cracking open a book can’t compete with the crack of the bat and the crowd’s cheers for you.

  Fumbling through Homer’s The Odyssey will feel more like fumbling a grounder in the bottom of the ninth during a tied game than hitting a homer to win it all.

  Throwing words around with a pen and paper to write an essay will never rival throwing warm-up pitches in the bullpen.

  The thunk of the catcher’s hand pounding his mitt between curveballs and changeups will never sound like “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” nor The Catcher in the Rye.

  Wry puns and satire will never play hardball in your playbook. Three strikes you’re out and triple plays are more important to you than the rule of threes and idioms.

  Sliding into second and shaking hands at the game’s end will never be sliding into the second act of a Shakespeare play.

  And that’s just fine, sluggers, because English class isn’t supposed to be baseball, but the real MVPs and big leaguers value both.

  

  Photo by Matthew T Rader on Pexels.com

   

  Posted in poems, poetry, reading, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged baseball, blogging, blogs, english class, english teacher, middle school teacher, poems, poems about teaching, poetry, teaching, teaching boys, teaching middle school, writing

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