oh, her? she's nobody's hero. she's just a teacher. she couldn't do. isn't that how the saying goes? to be honest, i don't like her. she's got too many opinions. and is indoctrinating our children. she forces kids to read banned books. and even asks them to read on their own. did you hear she has a pride flag up on her wall? her political views have no god-damned business being in the classroom. she had the audacity to give my girl an F on an essay that she worked really hard on. she wrote my kid up, because according to her, he said something racist. my kid would never do anything like that. he doesn't have a racist bone in his body. so instead of talking to her about it, i went straight to the school board to get her fired. she no longer works for the school district, thanks to me. she told her students that she won't answer emails before or after school. she complains too much on social media about how hard her job is. she's the prime example of why teacher ends with a her instead of a him. Oh, but her? She's a hero. Because she has the guts to bring a gun into her classroom. Oh, but her? She's a hero. I couldn't stop crying when I heard she sacrificed herself to save those kids from that school shooter. What a tragedy. I can't believe this keeps happening. Oh, her or hero? A teacher can't be both. She's always the villain unless she has a gun or gets shot by one.
-
Category: Uncategorized
-
A Teacher Poem: Oh, Her
Posted at 4:23 pm , on June 12, 2022
-
Mini Book Reviews February 2022
Posted at 9:12 am , on March 6, 2022
After evading COVID for the pandemic’s entirety, I ended up catching it towards the beginning of February. And it kicked my ass for six solid days, so even though I had high hopes about posting more regularly again, the universe once again foiled my plans. I don’t think I actually read a book while I had a fever, let alone wrote any book reviews while sick or even wrote anything for a couple of weeks after because I could barely think. So here’s some barely coherent book reviews. =)
The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae–published 2015–memoir–224 pages–audiobook–three stars: A decent audiobook and decent essays. Nothing particularly wow-worthy. I found myself zoning out in places.
The Siren of Sussex (Belles of London #1) by Mimi Matthews–published 2022–historical romance–400 pages–ebook–two stars: Wannabe Bridgerton but chaste and full of horses and sartorial argot. Without giving any spoilers, all I can say is I am disappointed in the overplaying of the Old Maid card. And unless I was a terrible reader, the whole titular “siren” part didn’t even get mentioned until the book’s end and shouted Mimi-Matthews-likes-alliteration-so-lets-make-siren-happen. Speaking of Bridgerton, doesn’t season two come out soon? Thank whatever Regency god I need to pray to because these historical romances aren’t doing it for me like Daphne and Simon do (hears classical arrangement of “Wildest Dreams”–Ah-ah-ahhhhhhhh.)
Other People’s Clothes by Calla Henkel–published 2022–thriller–320 pages–ebook–four stars: Have you ever had several library e-books that you’ve had on hold for weeks come in at the same time and thought you clicked on a YA fantasy novel but you actually clicked on a thriller instead, and you were 20 percent deep into what you that was the YA fantasy novel and you were like—-uhhhhh, when is this fantasy part going to kick in? And then you’d forgotten the name of the alleged YA fantasy book that you were reading so you clicked back into your Kindle library and realized that you’re actually reading a mystery instead? Yeah. So that’s what happened here. I digress. Scene: Berlin around the time of the Amanda Knox trial. Plot: Zoe and Hailey, study abroad roommates who develop an unhealthy friendship, discover that their landlady, an author, has been spying on them for her next novel’s storyline. The girls decide to up the ante by throwing elaborate house parties, gaining the notice of the papers in the process. If you’re looking for gorgeous sentences, this thriller, a thriller I tell you!!!!, has them. I found myself stopping frequently to highlight, in particular, character-descriptor gems like: No, she inhabited a stranger space–she had the smile of the debutante in dirty pictures, a Midwestern mall model, an actress whose lines were written on her hands and He was one year older than me, a cynical computer dork with an intense MacBook stare–whenever he’d launch into talking, his turtle-green eyes would get a dark zoom while he rummaged for words, like a hand silently dipping into a Scrabble bag, feeling for the next word. There were other sentences I highlighted too, but aren’t necessarily Mrs. Ram’s Jams blog-appropriate. I loved how the symbolism of the title was nuanced and layered throughout the narrative too. And the book’s last sentence still has me reeling.
Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey–published 2020–memoir–308 pages–audiobook–four stars: Con 1: obvious pontificating that’s softened by his charming southern drawl. Con 2: Was nobody else taken aback by the chapter where he describes his parents’ physically abusive relationship with something along the lines of “that’s just the way they loved each other” (that’s not an exact quote but a gist)? Con 3: The three separate wet dreams. Pro 1: HIS POEMS. Pro 2: HIS POEM ABOUT NEW ORLEANS.
Daughter of the Moon Goddess (The Celestial Kingdom Duology #1) by Sue Lynn Tan–published 2022–YA fantasy–512 pages–ebook–four stars: Hey, remember when I was reading a mystery that I thought was a YA fantasy and then discovered I was actually reading a mystery instead of a YA fantasy? This was the YA fantasy that I thought I was reading then. And it’s equally as good, but in a different way, as that thriller. Did I know a damn thing about the Chinese legend of the moon goddess before going into this novel? Hell no. Doesn’t matter. I’m hooked. THERE BE DRAGONS HERE. And cloud travel. And a love triangle. And a whole bunch of unanswered questions at the end. I also love that this is a duology, so I know I won’t lose interest in a series that’s only being drawn out to sell more books (which seems to be the going trend these days–i.e. I’ve always been sucked into a Sarah J. Maas series-hole like ACOTAR or Throne of Glass, but I’ve managed to escape the Maas-hole without completing the series because I got bored.)
The PIcture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde–published 1890–classics/horror–272 pages–ebook–four stars: I’m cringing at myself for reading a book on my phone that was written over 130 years ago, but I can’t help but ask myself, what would Oscar Wilde think of that? That Lord Henry can deliver a zinger, huh?
Fiona and Jane by Jean Chen Ho–published 2022–LGBTQ+ contemporary fiction–288 pages–ebook–three stars: Maybe closer to three and half stars? But I’m still feeling mostly lukewarm about this novel.
Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson–published 2022–contemporary fiction–400 pages–ebook–three stars: Unpopular opinion–A cool concept but it had too many perspectives and tried to be too many genres at once.
This Will Only Hurt a Little by Busy Philipps–published 2018–memoir–321 pages–audiobook–four stars: Loved Philipps on Freaks and Geeks and Cougar Town and loved this memoir.
The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan–published 2022–dystopia/science fiction–ebook–336 pages–two stars: Frida, who has what she calls one very bad day, leaves her toddler home alone while she runs to work to grab a file. Of course, Frida gets caught, and instead of getting a slap on the wrist, she gets sent away for a year long program to be taught how to be a good mom. At the school, which is more like a correctional facility, Frida and bad mothers like her have to mother creepy robot dolls and are monitored over all aspects of parenting. I get the premise behind this book, but it read list-y in places and tried to hit too many social topics. At first I was drawn into Frida’s story but around the thirty percent mark I lost interest. The ending frustrated me.
Pretty Girls Dancing by Kylie Brant–published 2018–thriller–ebook–370 pages–three stars: A missing girl. A potential serial killer. A sleepy community up in arms desperately trying to find the girl before it’s too late. Side plots and the story of another girl who went missing years ago. I normally wouldn’t have even picked up this book, but it’s the March read for a book club that I’m joining. The tropes and the plot line are pedestrian, at least I didn’t quit it or hate it? At least it wasn’t written by Karin Slaughter?
Dawnshard (The Stormlight Archive #3.5) by Brandon Sanderson–published 2020–high fantasy–ebook–171 pages–three stars: This is the weakest book in the series. I know it’s only a novella, but the characterization is lackluster. Lopen wasn’t as funny as he normally is. The book’s focus character is Rysn, and I was disappointed by Sanderson’s flat portrayal of her when he really could have made her shine here. Even Chiri-Chiri couldn’t save this book. I’ve been putting off Rhythm of War because I felt like Oathbringer dragged, and this read is making me consider quitting the series.
Here are the books I DNF’d in February:
As always, any discussion is welcome!
-
Twenty Popular Books That I Dislike
Posted at 9:42 am , on January 16, 2022
As I age and sink more into bibliophile status, I find myself quitting so many books. I have zero book-lover guilt anymore about not finishing a book that I’m a chapter into or even halfway through. Since I mostly read for pleasure, why would I continue reading a book that fails to worm its way into my bookish heart?
But . . . not every book I finish is fantastic, a completely biased opinion on my part, and so even though nobody asked for this, I’m going to share which popular books I don’t really like. Countdown style. Because a listicle with zero rationale is always a good idea.
20. The Night Circus
19. Under the Whispering Door
18. Malibu Rising
17. A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder (A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder #1)
16. Spinning Silver
15. To Kill a Mockingbird
14. Girl Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be
13. The Lost Apothecary
12. The Last Thing He Told Me
11. The Golden Compass (His Dark Materials #1)
10. The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians #1)
9. The Four Winds
8. After (After #1)
7. Survive the Night
6. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
5. Next Year in Havana
4. The Final Girl Support Group
3. The Love Hypothesis
2. American Dirt
1.The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts -
Top Twenty Books 2021
Posted at 9:41 am , on January 1, 2022
It’s the perfect day to get back to blogging (errrrrrrr, sorry for the super-extended, unannounced blog hiatus) because BOOKS!
I read 154 books in 2021.
For the first time ever, I am ranking these reads because I’m feeling extra today. Without further ado, here are my top twenty books of 2021.
#20. Faye, Faraway by Helen Fisher–time travel–published 2021–four stars.
#19. You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey: Crazy Stories About Racism by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar–nonfiction/humor–published 2021–four stars.
#18. Aftershocks by Nadia Owusu–memoir–published 2021–four stars.
#17. The Guncle by Steven Rowley–LGBT fiction–published 2021–four stars.
#16. Seven Days in June by Tia Williams–romance–published 2021–four stars.
#15. Craft in the Real World: Rethinking Fiction Writing and Workshopping by Matthew Salesses–nonfiction/writing–published 2021–five stars.
#14. Words of Radiance (The Stormlight Archive #2) by Brandon Sanderson–high fantasy–published 2014-five stars.
#13. Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know by Adam Grant–nonfiction/psychology–published 2021–five stars.
#12. A Very Punchable Face by Colin Jost–memoir/humor–published 2020–five stars.
#11. Yearbook by Seth Rogen–memoir/humor–published 2021–five stars.
#10. I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika L. Sánchez–YA fiction–published 2017–five stars.
#9. Broken (In the Best Possible Way) by Jenny Lawson–nonfiction/humor–published 2021–five stars.
#8. The Inheritance of Orquídea Divina by Zoraida Córdova–fantasy–published 2021–five stars.
#7. The One Hundred Years of Lenni and Margot by Marianne Cronin–contemporary fiction–published 2021–five stars.
#6. A History of Wild Places by Shea Ernshaw–mystery/fantasy–published 2021–five stars.
#5. A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness–YA fantasy/horror–published 2011–five stars.
#4. Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America by Ijeoma Oluo–nonfiction/feminism–published 2020–five stars.
#3. The Push by Ashley Audrain–thriller–published 2021–five stars.
#2. Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir–science fiction–published 2021–five stars.
#1. Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner–memoir–published 2021–five stars.
There you have it! Hopefully there’s something on this list that appeals to you.
Next up on the blog–books I read in 2021 that I low-key hated but everybody else high-key loved.
Happy 2022 y’all!
(All cover art taken from Goodreads.com.)
-
The Books I Read in August and September and How I Rated Them
Posted at 7:47 am , on October 3, 2021
Sorry for the unannounced blog silence, but y’all the end of August and the entire month of September. Were. The. Dooziest. of Doozies.
For those of you who don’t know me IRL and just follow my blog, here’s a brief synopsis of my life since my last post: Hurricane Ida fucked up South Louisiana, my house suffered minor damage (thank goodness, but still), we were without power for 11 days and had to live at my in-laws for 10 of them, school was canceled for 7 days, I was in a wedding in Wisconsin (the bright spot of a five-week dumpster fire), I tried to go to Brewers/Cubs game by myself in Milwaukee but had to leave immediately after the national anthem because I needed to eat and couldn’t find anything in the stadium that my stomach could handle, I caught the strepiest of strep throat this week and missed two more days of school, I hit a garbage can with my car and destroyed the passenger side in two different places, I got an email from parent that made me cry three days ago (and not in the-you’re-doing-such-a-good-job-thank-you-for-all-you’re-doing-for-my-child kind of happy crying way but more of the I-don’t-like-you-and-you-know-nothing kind of you’re-terrible-at-your-job devastated-make-me-want-to-quit-my-job crying way)–so. Yep. That’s why I’ve been ghosting you.
I’ve also been ghosting books and not because it’s finally spooky season and ghosting is appropriate (not) during the month of October (mental note find spooky season appropriate books to scare the hell out of myself this month), but because–did you see my comma-spliced ramble above? Normally I can use reading as an escape, but I’ve been so mentally drained by everything that I’ve had a hard time cracking open a book.
ANYWHO,
Here’s what I read during August and September sans book reviews because my bandwidth is thinner than a band that’s two members short.
At least I rated them? And remembered that I do have a blog and that I normally post once a week and that I should get back to that?
An Emotion of Great Delight by Tahereh Mafi–published 2021–256 pages–YA/historical fiction.
Sweet & Bitter Magic by Adrienne Tooley–published 2021–368 pages YA/LGBTQ+ fantasy.
China Room by Sunjeev Sahota–published 2021–256 pages–historical fiction.
The Hunting Wives by May Cobb-published 2021–368 pages–thriller.
The Maidens by Alex Michaelides–published 2021–352 pages–thriller.
The Husbands by Chandler Baker–published 2021–352 pages–thriller.
Velvet Was the Night by Silvia Moreno-Garcia–published 2021–289 pages–historical fiction/mystery.
Love People Use Things: Because the Opposite Never Works by Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus–published 2021–336 pages–nonfiction.
Unsettled Ground by Claire Fuller–published 2021–289 pages–literary fiction.
We Are the Brennans by Tracey Lange–published 2021–288 pages–contemporary fiction.
Daughter of the Pirate King (Daughter of the Pirate King #1) by Tricia Levenseller–published 2017–311 pages–YA fantasy.
Dreamfever (Fever #4) by Karen Marie Moning–published 2009–386 pages–urban fantasy.
Mary Jane by Jessica Anya Blau–published 2021–320 pages–historical fiction.
Daughter of the Siren Queen (Daughter of the Pirate King #2) by Tricia Levenseller–published 2018–341 pages–YA fantasy.
The Storm is Upon Us: How Qanon Became a Movement, Cult, and Conspiracy Theory of Everything by Mike Rothschild–published 2021–(no data for how many pages this book is because Goodreads has failed me–political nonfiction.
And sorry Stephen King, but I DNF’d your newest. I feel like the worst fangirl (I stan hard for 11/22/63, The Stand, and Insomnia) on the planet. I trudged through your last one, which I didn’t like very much, and just couldn’t hang with Billy Summers because even though I kind of liked what I read, I felt like I couldn’t make any progress with it at all.
Which one of these would I most blanket recommend to people? We Are The Brennans for sure. But I loved Unsettled Ground–it’s a bit more on the literary side and vibes Rebecca. And if you’re looking for something FUN, look into Daughter of the Pirate King.
What did you read while I was being overwhelmed by the universe?
And as always, discussion is welcome.
(All cover artwork taken from Goodreads.)
-
If Teachers Responded to Student Emails Honestly
Posted at 9:43 am , on August 28, 2021
Down here in south Louisiana, we’ve already finished our third week of school. I love the beginning of the school year (new kids! new ideas to try out! a fresh set of flair pens!), but I wasn’t expecting my email inbox to already be chockablock full of emails from students. (Mental note: teach students the art of a good subject line.)
And I might be “that” teacher, but 95 percent of the time I don’t email my students back. Why, you ask? Because these are the types of emails I get and the way I would respond, indicated in brackets and italics, if I actually had time to respond and could be completely honest in my responses.
- You put my grade in wrong in PowerSchool. [I, in fact, did not put the grade in incorrectly in PowerSchool. You very much made a 72 percent on the test that I JUST entered into the gradebook 60 seconds ago. Stop checking your grades and emailing me while you’re in Algebra.]
- Why did you give me an 80 on the writing assignment? [I didn’t GIVE you anything. I assessed you for mastery of the skills. I JUST entered grades into the gradebook 60 seconds ago. Don’t you think I’m going to explain scoring when I HAND THE ASSIGNMENTS BACK?]
- I submitted my late assignment from a week ago. Can you grade it right now so my mom will give me my phone back? [Oh sure, I’ll stop grading these 106 narrative retellings that are test grade assignments so you don’t have a zero for a participation assignment when you already have an A in participation.]
- This is the third email I’ve sent you telling you to grade my late assignment. [I’m sorry, but as per my syllabus that I read to you on the first day of school and made you sign, it says that I grade all late work after current work is graded. I’m knee deep in grading the Hero’s Journey test from yesterday, the rewrites from two days ago, and the complex character exit tickets that I forgot existed until 30 minutes ago. I’ve reiterated loudly at least three times this week that it can take me up to two weeks to get to any late work and that I won’t respond to emails like these. You’ll know it’s graded when it goes in PowerSchool. If you wanted your grade entered in a timely fashion, then maybe you should have turned it in on time? In fact, since you sent me this email, I’ll more than likely put off entering the grade for another three weeks because you keep spamming my inbox.]
- Can I have an extra day to do the assignment? I wasn’t feeling well yesterday. [No. The other kids ratted you out. You were all over everybody’s SnapChat last night being messy and not sick at all.]
- I’m going to be absent all of next week because we’re going to Disney World. Can you email me all of my assignments? [You and I both know that you will not complete any of this work while you’re on vacation. And I’m pretty sure you’re just emailing me this because your parents asked you to. But you probably weren’t supposed to tell me that you were going on vacation–because even though your parents asked you to email me for the work, they’re also going to try to get a doctor’s note to excuse your absences for your competitive cheer competition. And I can’t email you all of the assignments for next week because I haven’t made any of them yet, LOL. I’m not panicking at all about that. Not even a little bit. But you sending me this email did make me start panicking about it. And you and I both know that those assignments will be posted on Google Classroom on the day that we do them in class with full instructions on how to do the lesson on your own. Have a Dole Whip for me.]
So I don’t respond because
- I like my job. And I’m pretty sure I’d get fired if I responded that way.
- Some of the student emails are pretty accusatory. “You didn’t do this” and “you did this wrong.” But I know that stems from students not understanding the tone behind these statements in email.
- I’ve answered these questions before in class or I’m going to explain those questions the next day.
But I actually do respond. Just not in an email. I stop them in the hall or pull them aside for a quick chat about what they sent me–because talking and interacting with them is important and way easier. I can quickly address how their tone in the email made me feel and that they might want to choose better words. I can explain their question in person. And I can do all of this while not having to revise my emails for tone. And I don’t have to spell check/Grammarly/proofread my conversation with them either.
And the emails that are important I do respond to, professionally.
Promise.
(Now all I want in life is a Dole Whip. Why did I even bring it up? Sigh.)
-
A Teacher’s Unpopular Opinions About Teaching
Posted at 10:20 am , on August 7, 2021
Happy back to school everyone!
I thought I’d start the school year off a bit differently this year by telling you some of my unpopular opinions about teaching.
I’m going to call this my Teacher Karen post because absolutely nobody has asked for my opinion on these topics, and I’m bound to make myself even more unpopular in this process, but here goes nothing.
- Teachers don’t have to spend their own money for their classroom.
- Teacher Amazon Wish Lists are well-intentioned but often cringey. (I said it. Don’t hate me.)
- Candy shouldn’t be given as incentives/rewards. (This goes hand in hand with number one.)
- Teachers don’t have to come to work when they’re sick.
- Teachers need to stop judging other teachers who don’t come to work when they’re sick.
- If teachers have a sub and have to take a sick day, teachers don’t have to teach from home while taking that sick day.
- Teachers don’t have to be available to their students after the school day ends.
- The Remind app is overkill.
- Teachers don’t have to hold their bladders all day.
- Teacher-made assignments don’t have to look fancy.
- Teachers can get their union involved.
- Teachers should be grading everything based on performance bands not based on outdated percentage grading scales.
- Teachers can make mistakes and still be PHENOMENAL teachers.
Why start the school year off with this kind of post? Because maybe you needed to be reminded about just one of them. Because maybe we need to rethink why we’re doing things the way we’ve been doing them.
I’ve done the exact opposite of most of the things on my list, and that doesn’t make me a hypocrite but a human who is questioning how capitalism and teacher tropes and toxic groupthink have infiltrated education.
I also understand why my fellow teachers spend their own money for their classrooms. If it brings you joy to decorate your classroom with self-purchased decor, go for it! If you’re buying pre-sharpened Ticonderogas for kids who don’t have pencils, I totally get it. If you’re bringing food from home to give to students who need it, I totally get it.
I understand why teachers come to school when they’re sick.
I understand why teachers make their assignments and their rooms fancy. But I also understand that makes more work and might be taking time away from more meaningful work. I also understand that often it is us, ourselves, who make our already complicated job even more complicated.
And if you do any of those things on this list, I am not judging you. At all. I’m just out here, thinking differently and exposing my inner Teacher Karen sans judgement.
Okay, I might be judging you for number 5 and seriously be questioning how often you get a UTI if you frequently do number 9, but other than that, you do you teacher friends.
(I’d love to hear which one on the list you’d like to see as a full-blown post. I have lots of feelings about number 2 and number 3. Also teacher friends, I’d love to hear your unpopular opinions about teaching too!)
Bring on the 2021-2022 school year!
-
Mini Book Reviews July 2021
Posted at 10:58 am , on August 1, 2021
Oathbringer (The Stormlight Archive #3) by Brandon Sanderson—published 2017—1,246 pages—high fantasy—four stars: Curls into a little ball and covers her head out of fear for what she’s about to say—this isn’t nearly as good as the first two. Oathbringer starts slowly, focusing on Dalinar and flashbacks to flesh out the wife that he can’t remember. Shallan doesn’t appear until around the 70 page mark. Bridge Four isn’t featured enough, and because of this, Oathbringer lacks major comic relief to break up the monotony of the drawn out storyline and the focus on so many characters. Wit and Lift, who also add humor, barely grace the pages. Even though I thought the Szeth narrative was over, he made quite a dent in the book, as did his sword (who DID offer some funny bits). Three angry emojis, huffing puffs of air out, light up over my head every time I think of Moash. He broke my heart. Why hasn’t he been exiled to Shadesmar yet? I feel like a different major character should have died. Is Sanderson, unlike George R. R. Martin, afraid of killing off major characters? Teft’s character arc was also surprising, but beyond welcome. I’m looking to become a Radiant myself. Can I bond a winespren? The book’s last twenty percent picked up the pace, alternating between characters’ POVs more quickly building suspense, but the narrative had gaps because of it. I often read a passage and then had to reread it immediately because it wasn’t clear to me what had happened. AND I AM NOT OKAY WITH HOW THE LOVE TRIANGLE ENDED UP. Where was the ending cliffhanger? Book two’s cliffhanger made me want to start Oathbringer right away. And you knew I was going to say it—it’s too long. But only by about 300 pages—you know, like enough to fill a whole other book.
The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave—published 2021—320 pages–thriller—three stars: I understand if you adored this story; it has mass appeal, and Reese’s stamp of approval. And there are houseboats (fun!). A Theranos-esque tech scandal! A perfect husband who has a secret past! But, y’all. I know I’ll never be a novelist nor a professional writer, and I write yawn-worthy book reviews and teacher blog posts peppered with run-ons and incoherent rants, but I could not with Dave’s writing style. The Last Thing He Told Me told me nothing. The sentences lacked panache and complexity. Sticky words ran amok. Amok I tell you! Amok! I copied and pasted a sample of the first chapter into an online tool that checks grade level, and that sample came back on a fourth grade reading level. While I realize that section was a small piece, Dave constructs the rest of the book similarly. Comparatively, I ran a sample of Oathbringer through the same checker, and it’s written on an 8th grade level. This review you’re reading now is on a 7th grade level. According to multiple websites, the average popular novel clocks in on a seventh grade level. I need some lively writing anymore, and this was dead on the page.
The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris—published 2021—357 pages—thriller—four stars: Wowza. How do I even describe this book? It’s a thriller, but also possesses a light tippity-tap of sci-fi. It’s been described as “Get Out meets The Stepford Wives” and has drawn comparisons to The Devil Wears Prada. I felt it’s more The Firm adjacent (at least I think. It’s been years since I’ve read the novel or watched the movie) except featuring Black women working in New York publishing. Hazel, the antagonist, reminded me of Candace Owens. For once in a thriller, the ending twist surprised the hell out of me. I enjoyed Harris’s writing style. But, I warn you, you might not like this book. The beginning is a little confusing when the different plot lines are still being fleshed out. I thought some of it was satire until the sci-fi element revealed itself. The conspiracy part was uneven. But overall, I enjoyed this read.
The Plot by Jean Hanff Korelitz—published 2021—336 pages—thriller—four stars: Two four star thrillers in a row? I’m, wait for it, thrilled! A has-been novelist, now third-rate MFA writing instructor named Jacob writes his former student’s bestselling book idea after finding out that his student is dead. Then the plagiarism accusations slide into Jacob’s inbox after the novel does indeed hit it big, and he realizes that maybe the plot that he thought was fiction actually was a real life thriller. I didn’t even hate the book within the book here y’all.
This Is Not the Jess Show (This Is Not the Jess Show #1) by Anna Carey—published 2021—304 pages—YA thriller—four stars: Three four star thrillers in a row? I’m questioning life. Even though this novel rips off The Truman Show, I think teens would find it appealing because they’re probably not familiar with the famous film. (Does Gen Z even know who Jim Carrey is? Alrighty then; I’m old.)
The Comfort Book by Matt Haig—published 2021—272 pages—nonfiction/mental health—three stars: I want to like this nugget of a book more because who doesn’t love Haig? He’s always so candid about his mental health, and his novels are fantastic. Haig composed this book of lists and snippets and words of encouragement that he wrote when going through dark patches in his life and published it. And while some passages and sentences are beautiful, I couldn’t get it out of my head while reading that this book only got published because it’s Haig. A book like this wouldn’t get published by a no-name author.
My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix—published 2016—337 pages—horror—three stars: I’m a mixed cassette tape of conflicting emotions here. This 80s-set horror story should tickle my I-grew-up-with-mall-bangs fancy, but the more Hendrix novels I read, the more I get upset that his protagonists are female. I’ve only read two of his novels, but he hyper-sexualizes those women and puts them in rape and unwanted touching situations with demons, and I can’t help but let out “ewwwwwwwwww” and mutter “is this necessary?” every time I see it on the page. And then he sets the stories in the past and is satirizing some aspects of the plot and it comes off to me like he thinks he can just write women that way because “that’s the way it was back then” but if he’s making fun of some parts, then it just comes off as white guy icky to me. I’ve got his newest sitting in my Libby queue, and I don’t know if I’ll be reading it.
Talk Bookish to Me by Kate Bromley—published 2021—317 pages—romance—three stars: Kara writes romance novels for a living. The first draft of her next novel is due almost yesterday, and she barely has anything on the page. Her best friend’s wedding is coupled with her looming deadline. When her ex-boyfriend from college (the one who got away) shows up as a groomsman in the wedding, she has plenty of inspiration for her book, but will her heart get broken again in the process? This book is meh. There’s a book within a book here too, and it’s pretty meh as well.
Craft in the Real World: Rethinking Fiction Writing and Workshopping by Matthew Salesses—published 2021—256 pages—nonfiction/writing—five stars: Very obviously this book is only going to appeal to a very specific audience, but I loved this book. I’ll never look at a novel the same way again, and I took away great tips for narrative writing and teaching narrative writing from this book. It makes me want to get my MFA in creative writing.
Survive the Night by Riley Sager—published 2021—324 pages—thriller—two stars: Finally! A terrible thriller! Is the writing decent? Yes. Are there pretty surprising twists? Yes. But this book took me over six days to finish and suffers from a man writing the female protagonist’s perspective. Charlie’s roommate was murdered, and Charlie, who isn’t coping well, drops out of school and hitches a ride back to Ohio with a man who she found on a bulletin board. Something seems off about him, but Charlie assures herself that it’s all in her head. She sees “movies in her mind” which seem real but aren’t further confusing her. She finally becomes convinced that the man driving her is the serial killer, and she decides she has to avenge her friend’s death. Charlie is an idiot. The end.
Exciting Times by Naoise Dolan—published 2020—243 pages—contemporary fiction/LBGTQ+–four stars: Bends toward the literary and doesn’t have a conventional plot—so I understand why this is only rated 3.35 stars on Goodreads—but I quite enjoyed Ava’s love triangle with Julian and Edith.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter #6) by J. K. Rowling—published 2005—652 pages—YA fantasy—five stars: In earlier mini book reviews I didn’t write reviews of Harry Potter rereads because 1. I’ve read every single one a gazillion times and 2. Just saying J. K. Rowling’s name has been as bad as saying Voldemort aloud recently. I was worried if I typed Rowling’s name, Death Eaters would show up at my door. She’s as flawed as Snape, James, and Umbridge, and I don’t agree with her politics, but I love these books. And the reason I’m rereading right now is because I’ve been reading them aloud to Little Thing (before the controversy started), and she’s hooked. The books ARE magic. Watching her reactions to what happens in each book are gifts I will never forget. I’ll never forget how we had to stop reading when Harry used Sectumsempra because she thought Harry was infallible and he devastated her. How she giggled uncontrollably when Ginny and Harry kissed. I’ll never forget her anger at Dumbledore’s fate at the book’s end. I can’t cancel these books.
The Final Girl Support Group by Grady Hendrix—published 2021—352 pages—horror—two stars: So, I read it anyway. And I hated it. That bloody foldable chair on the book jacket? It’s the best part of the book. I’ll never read another Hendrix book again. Again there’s a female protagonist that’s written in the first person who’s a victim and is fighting to be the last one standing in a group of victims, and Hendrix just needs to stop writing female leads. Much like the last Hendrix novel I read, he tortures women throughout the entire book and then tries to correct all the mayhem and harm in three sentences at the book’s end. So is there something symbolic about that? Maybe? But ugh.
Refugee by Alan Gratz—published 2017—352 pages—middle grade historical fiction—five stars: I read this book for the first time last year while I was hospitalized during a U.C. flare and rated it four stars. I am not in the habit of rereading and rating a book higher than my initial reaction (And I reread it because I chose it as a new summer reading book for our 8th graders.) but. This. Damn. Book. Y’all. THIS DAMN BOOK. It’s so well done. Gratz tells the harrowing stories of three different children who are refugees. Isabel is escaping from Castro’s Cuba. Josef is escaping from the Nazis. And Mahmoud is escaping from Syria. And by the book’s end, all three stories come together. This is the kind of book that builds empathy in young minds and should be required reading.
Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin—published 2021—256 pages—contemporary fiction/LGBTQ+–four stars: Gilda, a lesbian atheist fixated on death, accidentally becomes a secretary at a Catholic church. Ohhhhhhhhh, this one. I love it. Gilda also accidentally dates a man because she’s too nice to turn him down. This book is FUNNY while being awfully serious about mental health. If you like books by Jenny Lawson, T. J. Klune, or Fredrik Backman, you’ll love this book.
(All cover art taken from Goodreads.)
-
June 2021 Mini Book Reviews
Posted at 8:29 am , on July 4, 2021
Alert Alert Alert: This list contains two “it” books that were huge misses for me, two fantastic LGBTQ+ books, and a Bill Gates-does-not-understand-farmers tangent.
The Garden of Small Beginnings by Abbi Waxman—published 2017—368 pages—chick lit—two stars: Lilian, a widow of four years, isn’t ready to look for love again, but her family keeps encouraging Lilian to date. When Lilian’s boss forces Lilian to attend a beginning gardening class, her attraction to the class’s instructor blindsides her. Gah. That’s not a good gah. I love Waxman’s The Bookish Life of Nina Hill, and The Garden of Small Beginnings just doesn’t compare to how good Nina Hill is. The Garden of Small Beginnings is a garden that was planted without a plan. Waxman cultivates sprouts of funny writing in between the storyline’s confusing bramble of weeds though.
I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown—published 2018—185 pages—nonfiction—four stars: Another important, enlightening social injustice read, but this time through Channing Brown’s eyes as a Black Christian working for evangelical nonprofits.
Where the Grass Is Green and the Girls Are Pretty by Lauren Weisberger—published 2021—368 pages—chick lit/contemporary fiction—three stars: Not my favorite Weisberger novel? Weisberger stole the plotline right from the college admissions scandal, but instead of a Desperate Housewife as the protagonist, there’s a female morning news anchor, a terrible mash-up of Felicity Huffman and Matt Lauer. When I think of Weisberger novels, I think of overindulgent New York City glitz and glam, snappy dialogue, and subtle critiques of the upper echelons, melding together for a guilty pleasure read. Weisberger attempted all three here again, but the book tripped over its six-inch, red-soled Louboutins and fell flat on its botoxed/lip-fillered face on a sidewalk. The only highlight was me screeching “Take. Me. Home. Yeah-e-yeah” off-key and on repeat while reading.
Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid—published 2021—369 pages—historical fiction—three stars: Unpopular opinion alert. This book didn’t impress me. It’s The Great Gatsby but set in the 80s and on the opposite coast with California surfers and Hollywood A-listers. I wanted to face punch every character, except for Tarine—because she DOES face punch a chauvinistic cop, my favorite part. The entire story was overdone and underdone simultaneously. All the familial revelations unravel on the same night at a cocaine-fueled party. Overdone. Chandelier swinging. Overdone. Mick. Overdone and predictable. And the underdone part? I guess that boils down to the third person omniscient narrator. Don’t get me wrong, Reid nails it, but she covers too many characters over too long of a time frame. It made the story feel underdone to me? Too sweeping without enough development. Definitely my year’s biggest reading disappointment. Will it be some people’s jam? Sure, but not a Mrs. Ram’s jam. Sidebar: Am I the only person who throws up a little in her mouth every time she thinks about how books set in the 80s fall under historical fiction now??????
Darkfever (Fever #1) by Karen Marie Moning—published 2006—309 pages—urban fantasy—three stars: After Mac’s sister is murdered while studying abroad in Dublin, Mac hops on a plane to investigate her sister’s death against her parents’ wishes. At first she doesn’t uncover many answers, but she soon finds herself in over her head when she discovers monsters lurking beneath human exteriors. When a hyper-masculine, dangerous man named Jericho learns Mac is poking her head around Fae matters and that Mac possesses special powers of her own, Jericho shelters her and makes her help him seek Fae objects of power. So real talk, I could easily rate this a four because it’s super engrossing and Jericho and Mac have ample chemistry, but 1. This urban fantasy didn’t age well—Jericho, when trying to warn Mac off, essentially tries to scare her off by using physical force, bruising her ribs, but also there’s sexual chemistry there? Did this type of thing really work in 2006? It sure as hell doesn’t work now, but also, I liked it? So? What does that say about me? And 2. Moning frequently describes parts of the story before she identifies what’s happening in the story. Does that make sense? I know it makes little sense, but it should.
The Bookshop of Second Chances by Jackie Fraser—published 2021—448 pages—romance—two stars: Thea’s world is shattered. She’s been sacked from her job. Her husband of nearly twenty years has been cheating on her with one of her friends. Forced out of her own home, she rents a flat and is about to move when she inherits a handsome sum of money and a house from a distant relative in Scotland. After Thea and her friend drive there to sort through Thea’s inheritance, she stays for the summer to sort through the mess of her life, too. She takes a job at a bookstore despite the boss, Edward, being a grump and normally unwilling to hire women—because he either falls in love with them or they fall in love with him. (Like, for real before he hired her he had a sign posted on the door that was basically the Little Rascal equivalent of the “He-man Womun Hater’s Club” sign.) She assures him that neither of those scenarios will happen—but guess what, it’s a romance so it does. I wish I could be glowy about this book, but it’s so terribly bland. I didn’t laugh once or find a sentence that I found endearing. Edward is estranged from his duke brother because Edward slept with every single one of his brother’s girlfriends and both of his wives for revenge for a teenage slight. TF? There are pages of literally nothing happening with lots of tiny words making up sentences—which I guess is why it’s a whopping 448 pages? This book is easily 150 pages too long.
The Guncle by Steven Rowley—published 2021—336 pages—LGBTQ+ fiction—four stars: When his best friend/sister-in-law passes away, Patrick, aka GUP which stands for Gay Uncle Patrick, takes in his niece and nephew while his brother sobers up at at rehab center not too far from Patrick’s Palm Springs home. This book is adorable and hilarious. It has a The House in the Cerulean Sea vibe sans the fantastical elements. Ultimately it’s a novel about overcoming grief. It made me sob in three different places. Also, I will now forever be stealing and quoting this line from the book: You can’t spell nemesis without me sis. I need this on a T-shirt, stat! Who’s got a Cricut?
Real Life by Brandon Taylor—published 2020—329 pages—LGBTQ+ fiction—four stars: Literary. Beautifully written. Doesn’t have a conventional plot, as in there’s one, and it’s vague, but it works. My eyes glazed over every time the scientific experiment descriptions happened. There’s hard-to-read gritty, graphic violence. Be prepared to be uncomfortable, but that’s real life, and the book’s point.
One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston—published 2021—422 pages—LGBTQ+ romance—three stars: (And at this point it will become obvious that I forgot I was supposed to write book reviews. Whoops. Taking that blog hiatus made me forget my process.) I feel like a lot of rotten tomatoes are about to be thrown my way, but I’m not a huge fan of McQuiston’s latest. August moves to New York City to finish her education and escape her wannabe private detective mother. A girl, all beat up leather jacket and 70s retro cool, snags August’s eye on the train, and the girl, Jane, magically is on every single train that August catches for her commute to school. After Jane turns August down for a date, August finds a picture of Jane from decades earlier, looking exactly the same as she does now, at August’s own workplace (hello happenstance!). Then August races against the clock to save Jane from being stuck in time. The writing charms and shines just like in McQuiston’s earlier novel, but the witty writing hides a whole lot of fluff. And I know I write this ad nauseam, but it was too long. And the plot was overly tied together. (I know, #brokenrecordstatus with this point, too.)
Bloodfever (Fever #2) by Karen Marie Moning—published 2007—303 pages—urban fantasy—four stars: What is wrong with me? I like book two better than book one. I texted a friend, who has read the series, and told her I felt deep book shame for compulsively reading this terrible series. Gah. On to book three?
The Ruthless Lady’s Guide to Wizardry by C.M. Waggoner—published 2021—371 pages—LGBTQ+ fantasy/historical fiction—three stars: The title? Badass. The cover? Same. Delly the protagonist? Hilarious, unassuming, and brilliant. She calls her mouth a gin hole and another character a foot cramp and makes up words that sound fancy and thinks things like: Not that she didn’t say worse six dozen times a day herself, but she’d always been under the impression that young ladies weren’t supposed to know what knickers were, even while they were putting them on in the morning. And Buttons the skeleton mouse that’s really an old wizard? He’s legit. But the storyline though? Bizarre, which sucks because it breaks the book.
Faefever (Fever #3) by Karen Marie Moning—published 2008—327 pages—urban fantasy—three stars: Well, I’m taking a pause from the series after reading book three. The ending twisted unexpectedly and graphically.
How to Avoid a Climate Disaster: The Solutions We Have and the Breakthroughs We Need by Bill Gates—published 2021—272 pages—nonfiction/science—three stars: Bottom line—I learned some startling information about climate change (like, I really had no idea about cement), but the. Writing. Was. Drier. Than. A. California. Drought. (Is this an inappropriate comparison to draw when reading a book describing an impending climate disaster? Yikes.) Also Mrs. Ram grew up on a farm, not because she is a ram, but because her family raises Angus beef cattle and performs other agricultural magic, and I (I’ll stop talking in the third person now thanks) thought while Gates tried to be nice about farmers and farming, he missed the mark when he says this: Imagine you’re a prosperous young farmer raising corn, soybeans, and cattle in Nebraska in 2050. (Excuse me while I transform into a battering Ram here.) I realize many prosperous farmers exist in America, but I know a cow-manure ton of farmers, and the humble, hard-working farmers I know would never describe themselves as something as pompous sounding as prosperous. Furthermore, many small farms have been struggling for decades, the antithesis of prosperity. And young and prosperous together? Where does he think these speculative young farmers are getting this land required for farming prosperity??? And I hate to break it to him and I know he set his hypothetical in 2050, but according to salary.com, the average Cornhusker farmer’s salary in 2021 is $40,033. What a prosperous sum to live on!!!!!! (Disclaimers: 1. I’m not attacking his sound argument that he’s making in the book about how to avoid a climate disaster. I’m just aggravated over this one sentence and needed to vent about it. Even if it is a hypothetical. 2. I also have never claimed to know anything about farming or cattle. I leave that to my dad, my siblings, and nephews. If anything, I’m farmer-adjacent and bovine-avoidant and always have been.)
As always, any discussion is welcome.
-
A Poem: Saturday Morning in the Burbs–Dad With Nothing to Do Edition
Posted at 9:59 am , on June 12, 2021
It's Saturday morning in the burbs, and I've got nothing to do. The kids don't have soccer or baseball. It's too early to barbecue. I cut the grass yesterday. I already own everything from Lowe's. There's no College GameDay until the fall. I know! I can hook the pressure washer up to the hose! I'll stand in my driveway in a muscle tank and backwards cap and whiten the concrete while I listen to rap! And before I know it, two hours will have flown by. I'll crack open my second beer of the day to combat the ten a.m. heat and think to myself: It's only June. What the hell am I going to do in July?
-
Mrs. Ram's Jams 