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    • My New Year’s Resolutions for 2021

      Posted at 10:36 am by Jeddarae, on January 9, 2021

      New year, new me, right?

      Ha! Ha! Ha!

      But I think I can handle these resolutions.

      1. Waste less food. I throw away an embarrassing amount of food. If anyone has any tips for this, please share. I can solve part of this with some thinking and research. But my ulcerative colitis, IBS, and fibromyalgia cause very weird, very real food issues, making me waste food too. My stomach hates food reheated in a microwave. I can taste food packaging and taste smells from stores, like for real; Costco meat tastes like plastic and what the inside of the store smells like. I can taste the difference between a bag of On The Border tortilla chips purchased at Walmart versus one purchased at Winn-Dixie or Rouses. If I eat food that’s been open for longer than a day, like a bag of chips or chicken stock, I’ll end up curled up in a ball of pain in my bed until the pain passes. Unless we order in, I cook every night, sometimes three different meals because why should Goose and Little Thing suffer? Is there an affordable meat delivery service that I’m unaware of? (And I’d love to eat less meat, but my body tolerates it. I can’t handle most protein alternatives.) Should I shop more frequently so things don’t go bad? I know wasting less food is going to be challenging with all my bizarre issues, but I’m really going to try.
      2. Hold my family more accountable for helping with household chores. I let them get away with it. I shouldn’t because feminism and shit. Look at this mind-boggling statistic from The National Science Foundation: “husbands create an extra seven hours a week of housework for wives, but wives save husbands from about an hour of housework a week.” WTF???? (Mind you, the data here is a little dated). It’s pretty damn obvious that women spend more time than men doing housework every day, but if you need proof, Today.com shared this tidbit from this study that confirms that “Women do 2 more hours of housework daily than men.” Again. WTF??? Little Thing is old enough to make her own lunch before going to school instead of watching her iPad after I wake her up. She’s still too short to reach several cabinets and hang up her own clothes, but I can definitely make her sweep up every night after dinner. 
      3. Start working out again. I have serious foot problems that have prevented me from truly working out for a couple of years. I love yoga, but how do you do yoga when you can’t even walk barefoot around the house anymore? I tried to get back into it before Christmas break, and icing my feet after and massaging them out with a rolling pin helped, but it wasn’t a panacea. Would yoga shoes help? I go for walks around the neighborhood and would like to jog, but if you see me walking around the neighborhood, it’s not in a true tennis shoe. Vionics have worked wonders for me, but both their tennis shoes and inserts don’t–at least for me. If anyone knows of an exceptional orthopedic tennis shoe that I should try, please let me know. 

      What are your resolutions friends? 

      Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments | Tagged new year, new year's resolutions 2021, new year's resolutions
    • Top Books in 2020 Part Three: Best Fiction

      Posted at 8:51 am by Jeddarae, on January 2, 2021

      It’s here! And done! Woohoo! Hopefully you find something on this list to get lost in.


      1. The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett–published 2020–historical fiction–five stars.

      1. Dear Edward by Ann Napolitano–published 2020–contemporary fiction–five stars.

      1. The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern–published 2020–fantasy–five stars.

      1. Where the Forest Meets the Stars by Glendy Vanderah–published 2019–contemporary fiction–five stars.

      1. Dearly:  New Poems by Margaret Atwood–published 2020–poetry–five stars.

      1. The Way of Kings (The Stormlight Archive #1) by Brandon Sanderson–published 2010–fantasy–five stars.

      1. Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall–published 2020–LGBT romance–five stars.

      1. Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia–published 2020–gothic horror–four stars.

      1. The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab–published 2020–fantasy–four stars.

      1. Anxious People by Fredrik Backman–published 2020–contemporary fiction–four stars.

      1. Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid–published 2019–contemporary fiction–four stars.

      1. My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell–published 2020–contemporary fiction–four stars.

      1. The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune–published 2020–LGBT fantasy–four stars.  

      1. The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix–published 2020–horror–four stars.

      1. A Deadly Education (The Scholomance #1) by Naomi Novik–published 2020–fantasy–four stars.

      1. Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston–published 2019–LGBT romance–four stars.

      1. The City We Became (Great Cities #1) by N.K. Jemisin–published 2020–fantasy–four stars.

      1. In Five Years by Rebecca Serle–published 2020–romance–four stars.

      1. A Good Marriage by Kimberly McCreight–published 2020–thriller–four stars.

      1. The Bear by Andrew Krivak–published 2020–science fiction/fantasy–four stars.

      (All cover art is taken from Goodreads.)

      Thoughts? All discussion is welcome.

      I screwed up with A Deadly Education–it’s YAL. Whoops! But I already did that list. Forgive me! =)

      To see a full list of what I read in 2020, check out my reading challenge on Goodreads.

      Posted in book reviews, books, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged best books 2020, best fiction, books, books in 2020
    • Top Books in 2020 Part Two: Best Young Adult and Middle Grade Fiction

      Posted at 9:12 am by Jeddarae, on January 1, 2021

      Part two is here!

      I ended up reading way less young adult and middle grade literature this year for some bizarre reason. Maybe because I read more nonfiction? And while I only had one five star YA/MG read this year, the four star books on this list are totally excellent and binge-able. 


      1. Sadie by Courtney Summers–published 2018–young adult mystery–five stars.

      1. Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo–published 2020–young adult contemporary/poetry–four stars.

      1. Skyward (Skyward #1) by Brandon Sanderson–published 2018–young adult science fiction–four stars.

      1. Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender–published 2020–young adult LGBT–four stars.

      1. A Curse So Dark and Lonely (Cursebreakers #1) by Brigid Kemmerer–published 2019–young adult fantasy–four stars.

      1. An Ember in the Ashes (An Ember in the Ashes #1) by Sabaa Tahir–published 2016–young adult fantasy–four stars.

      1. Howl’s Moving Castle (Howl’s Moving Castle #1) by Diana Wynne Jones–published 2001–young adult fantasy–four stars.

      1. The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow–published 2019–young adult fantasy–four stars.

      1. Tweet Cute by Emma Lord–published 2020–young adult romance–four stars:

      1.  Every Heart a Doorway (Wayward Children #1) by Seanan McGuire–published 2016–four stars:

      1. City of Ghosts (Cassidy Blake #1) by Victoria Schwab–published 2018–middle grade fantasy–four stars.

      1. From the Desk of Zoe Washington by Janae Marks–published 2020–middle grade realistic fiction/mystery–four stars.

      1. The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo–published 2018–young adult contemporary/poetry–four stars.

      1. Where Dreams Descend (Kingdom of Cards #1) by Janella Angeles–published 2020–young adult fantasy–four stars:

      1. A Heart So Fierce and Broken (Cursebreakers #2) by Brigid Kemmerer–published 2020–young adult fantasy–four stars.

      (All cover art is taken from Goodreads.)

      Thoughts? All discussion is welcome.

      To see a full list of what I read in 2020, check out my reading challenge on Goodreads.

      Posted in book reviews, books, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged best books 2020, best middle grade fiction, best young adult fiction, YAL
    • Top Books in 2020 Part One: Best Nonfiction

      Posted at 10:02 am by Jeddarae, on December 31, 2020

      In years past, I’ve posted my top 20 reads of the year, but, if I did that this year, I’d be ignoring all of the fantastic literature that helped me cope with 2020.

      So, I’ve decided to make my favorite reads a three-part series.  

      Let’s start with my favorite nonfiction reads!


      1. Invisible Women:  Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Pérez–published 2019–feminist nonfiction–five stars.

      1. Hood Feminism:  Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall–published 2020–feminist nonfiction–five stars.

      1. Because Internet:  Understanding the New Rules of Language by Gretchen McCulloch–published 2019–humanities/linguistics–five stars.

      1. We Are Never Meeting in Real Life by Samantha Irby–published 2017–memoir/essays–five stars.

      1. Untamed by Glennon Doyle–published 2020–memoir/essays/self-help–four stars.

      1. Why Women Have Better Sex Under Socialism:  And Other Arguments for Economic Independence by Kristen R. Ghodsee–published 2018–feminism/politics–four stars.

      1. The Color of Law:  A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein–published 2017–history/race/politics–four stars.

      1. You’re Not Listening:  What You’re Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy-published 2020–psychology-four stars.

      1. Catch and Kill:  Lies, Spies, and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators by Ronan Farrow–published 2019–general nonfiction/crime–four stars.

      1. Pushout:  The Criminalization of Black Girls in Schools by Monique W. Morris–published 2016–education/race–four stars.

      (All cover art is taken from Goodreads.)

      Thoughts?  Any discussion is welcome!

      For a full list of what I read in 2020, you can check out my reading challenge on Goodreads. 

      Posted in book reviews, books, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged best books 2020, best nonfiction 2020, books, books in 2020
    • Happy Holidays

      Posted at 8:23 am by Jeddarae, on December 26, 2020

      Happy Holidays from Mrs. Ram’s Jams!

      I hope you and yours had a merry merry merry insert-whatever-holiday-you-celebrate-here!

      Little Thing came home from school last Friday with a sore throat that progressed to “the bad sneezes” and a cough. So a week later, guess who got a cold and some chapped lips for Christmas? Me!

      I’m still feeling under the weather, so I’m not feeling prolific or revelatory in regards to today’s post. . .  but I am looking forward to next week’s post–my favorite reads from 2020. I’ve read 176 books so far this year, and I’m hoping to make it to 180 before 2021 hits.

      If anyone could help a sick girl out and make a few easy, breezy, heartwarming, or funny book recommendations, I’d appreciate it. I’ll get back into some heavy reads in 2021.

      Lots of love,

      Mrs. Ram’s Jams

      Posted in book reviews, books, reading, writing | 0 Comments | Tagged book recommendations, book reviewer, books
    • A Teacher Poem: Going Through the eMotions

      Posted at 10:46 am by Jeddarae, on December 19, 2020
      plaster a big smile on your face
      even though it's hidden by your mask
      wish the mask covered up your eyes too
      because you're end of the school year tired but it's only December
      because it's hard to fake enthusiasm with your retinas and your pupils

      remind your in-person pupils, all twelve of them, to keep their space
      don't touch his desk
      or his backpack
      or his breakfast

      pinch your nose and close your eyes while you tell him for the umpteenth time to get his mask over his nose
      lose your mind as he covers his eyeballs with it
      because the sass, the audacity, is too much
      because you're jealous

      begin going through the eMotions

      start your Google Meet
      check you COVID screening spreadsheet
      tell a student that if she doesn't turn her camera on, she will be marked absent
      she doesn't
      choke on your sigh of frustration
      because she never listens
      because you don't know if she's with her mom or her dad
      because she might not even be there
      because you don't know if she has anything to eat today
      be thankful that the resolution sucks so the kids at home don't see the tear leaking out of your left eye
      but the resolution IRL works just fine
      nobody sees anyway because they're teenagers who have screens for faces

      you're overwhelmed by going through the eMotions

      put on a dog and pony show, a three ring circus, an Oscar worthy performance to try to get anybody to talk during the lesson
      but the only thing you can hear is the clack clack clack of the keys

      let them type their exit tickets while you recall pen and paper with nostalgia, the worst emotion of them all

      work on fully digitizing a week's worth of lessons
      turn pink and then red when you remember you can't use anything you've spent hours creating next school year because the curriculum is switching for the second time in two years
      angry pound the keys as you type with a force that could shatter
      your fingernails
      your desk
      the county

      because you're tired of going through the eMotions

      sift through Google Classroom for an assignment that he completed three weeks late that he expects to be graded RIGHT NOW
      and so does his mom
      she's only emailed you five times about it
      you've responded once in return
      the assignment's only half done
      like the school year
      like your sanity
      like your self-esteem

      ignore the other late work emails

      rest your forehead on your desk
      stare at your lap and breathe, breathe, breathe deep
      look up to see if anyone witnessed your saga, your mental break down, your calamity
      but they're teenagers who have screens for faces and Ray-Bradbury-is-rolling-over-in-his-grave
      AirPods
      because they're only concerned about their own emotions, not yours

      and you're marrow-deep tired of going through the eMotions

      so

      you hand them a book--tactile, paper, cover, spine, pages to turn, black ink
      and they stare at it like their mom put Brussels sprouts on their plate
      when you've actually given them chocolate cake

      because you're tired of eMotions

      you smile, a real one this time, that lights up your bloodshot eyes
      because books
      because the bell rang
      because it's finally break
      and you've got two weeks off from going through the motions

      try to turn off your inner monologue as you power down your Dell
      but you know that you'll spend your entire break
      going through your emotions
      Posted in education, poems, poetry, teaching | 0 Comments | Tagged poems, poems about teaching, poetry
    • Mrs. Ram’s Jams Holiday Gift Guide for Teachers

      Posted at 11:41 am by Jeddarae, on December 12, 2020

      Tired of giving gift cards, coffee mugs, and home-baked goodies to your children’s teachers every year for Christmas? 

      Have you put off shopping for teacher gifts because you lack good ideas?

      Look no further! I’ve got some great teacher gift ideas for you.

      Plants. I squealed in delight when the school librarian dropped off a perfect little succulent in my room this week.

      Once, I received a begonia hanging basket and about died on the spot. If your child showed up with a tiny poinsettia for me, I would explode with Christmas joy. Seriously, consider giving plants this Christmas. They’re inexpensive and unexpected. 

      A lunch-sized Crock-Pot. If you’re willing to spend a little more on a Christmas gift, this is perfect for teachers. I purchased one for myself, and it has been life-changing. Some schools don’t allow teachers to have their own microwaves in their rooms, and right now using a communal microwave grosses me out. With COVID, lots of teachers have to monitor students during lunch and can barely find the time to eat, let alone heat up their lunch. I plug in my baby Crock-Pot at the end of third block, and my chicken and veggie soup or pot roast is the perfect temperature by the end of fourth block. Every teacher I know who has one can’t live without theirs. 

      Cool handmade shit you or your friends make.  ‘Tis the season to promote yourself! Last year, I received a gorgeous pottery ornament and bowl made by a student’s mother. I’ve gotten the most delicious salsa that a student’s mother sells, and once I tasted it, I turned around and bought some to give to my friends for Christmas. And while I’m not crafty, I have friends who are. One of my besties from high school makes the MOST gorgeous and fantastic artisan soaps, so guess what Little Thing’s teachers are getting this year?

      (Here’s a link to her website:  Persifer Soap Company.)

      I’m sure you have friends who make earrings, bath bombs, hot chocolate bombs, etc. Support your friends, and give the cool shit they make to your kids’ teachers. 

      Your kids are talented. I love to get their works of art.

      Gifts that relate to the teacher’s classroom theme. More than likely, your kids’ teachers’ classrooms are decorated with a theme. Mine’s decorated in llamas, so anything llama related is welcome! Llama sticky notes? Yes, please! Llama pencils? Sure! Llama stuffed animals, hand towels, or journals? Absolutely! Ask your kids how their teachers’ classrooms are decorated and go from there. 

      Gift cards to local businesses. Okay, I know I started this post by saying Tired of giving gift cards…but but but. Think outside the box with this one. Don’t just go with gift cards for Amazon, Walmart, Target, or Starbucks. Think local, especially with small businesses being hit hard this year. Give the gift of a manicure or pedicure! Give the gift of your favorite Mexican restaurant! Give the gift of your favorite florist or boutique!

      But in all honesty, teachers enjoy all the gifts they receive. They will love every coffee mug and Starbucks gift card they receive. 

      It’s just nice to be recognized and appreciated, especially during such a tumultuous school year. 

      Posted in education, teaching, Uncategorized | 3 Comments | Tagged english teacher, gifts for teachers, middle school teacher, teacher gifts, teaching
    • Mini Book Reviews November 2020

      Posted at 9:27 am by Jeddarae, on December 5, 2020

      Who is ready for some quasi-coherent (I haven’t been sleeping and have been putting too much distance between finishing a book and actually writing a review! Meep!) mini book reviews?

      I had a great reading month and promise there’s a book on this list for every type of reader!


      Home Before Dark by Riley Sager—published 2020—horror—four stars: I’m conflicted on this rating. No joke: this is a wannabe Haunting of Hill House. If you ask me, it’s a mashup of Shirley Jackson’s novel and Netflix’s interpretation. But I’m wary of the “horror” genre: most aren’t scary. I also thumbs-down dislike reading books within books (BWBs) because BWBs have shitty writing. But. But. But. It’s a great thriller.


      Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender—published 2020—YAL/LGBTQIA+  romance—four stars:  Felix—Black, transgender, and queer—attends a private art school in New York City. He bounces between staying with his dad, a doorman, and his privileged bestie, Ezra, who has his own apartment close to school. A mystery student at the school hacks into Felix’s Instagram account, stealing images of him from before his transition. The perpetrator blows the photos up and puts them in the school gallery, also deadnaming Felix. Felix, angry and embarrassed, resolves to discover who the culprit is. An important YAL book. I learned things from this book. The cover is gorgeous.  My only criticism is that I didn’t think it feasible for a NYC doorman to be able to afford private high school tuition and still be able to rent an apartment in the city. And you know how I feel about YAL protagonists yearning to attend Ivy League universities.


      From the Desk of Zoe Washington by Janae Marks—published 2020—middle-grade fiction—four stars:  Oh, I needed a good middle grade read, and this hit the spot. When the mail arrives on her birthday, Zoe finds a letter from her father, who’s in prison and has never written to her before. She starts sending him letters and, convinced of his innocence, tries to prove that he’s been imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit. 


      Hood Feminism:  Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall—published 2020—nonfiction—five stars:  Holy shit. A must-read. White feminists? We’re doing it wrong. I’m just going to leave this quote right here:  If mainstream white feminism wants something to do, wants to help, this is one area where it is important to step back, to wait to be invited in. If no invocation is forthcoming? Well, you can always challenge the white patriarchy. There’s always space to combat the prison industrial complex, to advocate for the reduction of incarceration as a solution for societal concerns. There’s space to limit the harm done to marginalized communities without intruding on the internal work that insiders can and must do. And that space can operate from the outside.


      The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune—published 2020—fantasy/LGBTQIA+–four stars:  T.J. Klune has written a story with Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett style. At first, this feels like it should be a children’s fantasy, vibing Peter Pan and A Series of Unfortunate Events, but the love story weaves in a beautifully written adult romance. Think whimsy meets universal truths. Can we talk about Chauncey? He’s perfect. 


      You’re Not Listening:  What You’re Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy—published 2020—nonfiction—four stars:  As a teacher and as a human being, I find this book fascinating. Here are some gems I highlighted:

      • “To listen does not mean, or even imply, that you agree with someone. It simply means you accept the legitimacy of the other person’s point of view and that you might have something to learn from it.
      • “Good listeners know that understanding isn’t binary.”
      • “Good gossip smells like bourbon to me.”
      • “While gossip often has a negative connotation, it actually has a positive social function. There’s a reason why as much as two-thirds of adult conversations is gossip…”
      • “Evolution gave us eyelids so we can close our eyes but no corresponding structure to close off our ears. It suggests that listening is essential to our survival. 
      • “Early humans had to listen and collaborate or die. Norms of behavior and rules of civility emerged from those early joint activities, which later informed our ideas of morality.”
      • “Our modern selves talk more and listen less despite the fact that understanding and responsiveness to one another’s stories, ideas, and concerns have defined all our achievements from hunting wooly mammoths to putting a man on the moon. Not listening to one another diminishes what we can achieve and in that way, too, can be seen as a moral failing. We not only fail one another as individuals, we also fail to thrive as a society.”

      And who knew that everyone literally possesses an emotional ear—the left one—versus a logical ear—the right???? Mind blown emoji. 


      The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab—published 2020—fantasy/romance—four stars:  If you need a slow burn fantasy romance with lyrical prose, then Addie LaRue is for you. Addie makes a deal with the devil so she can live forever, but he, in return, curses her. He makes her easy to forget. Over the centuries, she learns to manage and leaves her impression in famous works of art. When Addie meets someone who can finally remember her, she must face the devil once again. I love Schwab’s range as a writer and how distinctly different all of her middle grade, young adult, and adult stories are. I loved the language motif woven into her story like here:  “Bad Night.”  A question without a question mark. I loved the repetition of “palimpsest.” I loved the little snippets of gorgeous writing sprinkled throughout like here:  The world goes muffled, a cotton kind of quiet. And if it were not for the icy damp leaching through her clothes, she thinks she could stay here forever. She decides she will at least stay here for now. And then this:  So she longs for the mornings, but she settles for the nights, and if it cannot be love, well, then, at least it is not lonely. However, I did hate this book at certain points too. It’s long. I felt it read more like young adult literature. I wasn’t happy with the ending. Because I’m a terrible human being, I found myself rooting for Stockholm syndrome. But lawd have mercy, what a lovely ride. 


      Malorie (Bird Box #2) by Josh Malerman—published 2020—horror—four stars:  Who wouldn’t want to read a sequel to Bird Box? You learn more about the monsters. Malorie’s children are teenagers. When Malorie learns that her parents might still be alive, she packs up the teens, and they set off on an adventure, including a ride on a blind train. Despite its repetitiveness and not being as good as the original, I enjoyed reading it.


      The Switch by Beth O’Leary—published 2020—chick lit—three stars:  A mediocre read in the middle of a great reading month. I enjoyed O’Leary’s The Flatshare more. When Leena is forced to take leave from her high-powered job, she decides to move into her granny’s house, taking on the old lady life. Meanwhile, her granny, Eileen, moves into Leena’s London flat and tries her hand at online dating. Meh? Very predictable.


      Anxious People by Fredrik Backman—published 2020—contemporary fiction—four stars: I hated this book at first. I couldn’t get into it. Backman kept repeating parts of the story that had already been established, ugh. Despite finding the repetition nauseating, Backman must have slipped some Zofran into his narrative because by the end I’d settled in and my appetite was restored. He makes it clear from the beginning that it’s a story about idiots—but they’re endearing idiots, except for the real estate agent, she’s awful. The worst bank robber in existence tries to rob a bank, but it’s a cashless one. When trying to get away, the bank robber stumbles into an apartment viewing and takes the would-be buyers hostage. The book tackles death, suicide, homelessness, and love with such a light, humorous touch while at the same time being deeply moving and respectful–Backman signature style. And this line kills me:  But if there’s one thing modern life and the internet have taught us, it’s that you should never expect to win a discussion simply because you’re right. And Zara, where do I start with Zara? She rivals Chauncey from The House in the Cerulean Sea as my new favorite character. 


      All cover art taken from Goodreads.

      Posted in book reviews, books, reading | 0 Comments | Tagged book reviewer, book reviews, books, november reads
    • A Poem: A Pandemic Christmas Carol

      Posted at 10:02 am by Jeddarae, on November 28, 2020
      no fear no fear
      the new christmas cheer!
      
      let's pretend the pandemic is as real as rudolph the red-nosed reindeer!
      
      they want to cancel christmas?
      now they've really gone too far!
      all I want for christmas is to go to the bar!
      how could grabbing a drink with my buddies send grandma to the e.r.?
      
      stop living in fear
      the new christmas cheer!
      
      but 2020 has lasted an era!
      I deserve to put on my earrings and some mascara and go ring in the new year with sara, tara, and kara!
      
      no fear no fear
      2020 has spit in our eggnog and beer!
      
      fa la la la la and are we listening?
      why are we scared of social distancing?
      
      no fear sounds an awful lot like no fair
      no fair no fear
      stop looking in the mirror
      
      the new christmas cheer!
      
      Posted in poems, poetry | 0 Comments | Tagged christmas, christmaspoems, poem, poems
    • What I Miss

      Posted at 7:56 am by Jeddarae, on November 21, 2020

      I’m rather wistful this morning. Here are two things that I’ve been missing HARD because of the pandemic:

      1. Wearing fancy earrings. I have a whole drawer full of golden hoops, tortoise shell danglies, leather teardrops, and Kendra Scott knockoffs that are slowly going out of style. Instead, I’m donning studs, BORING, because I am fearful of losing an earlobe when tearing my mask off my face after class ends. Have you ever ripped a piercing wide open? I have— between freshman and sophomore year of college waiting tables at my cousin’s restaurant. I bussed a table using a big Rubbermaid container and brought it back to the dishwashing area. As I was setting it down, its lip got caught on my belly button ring and ripped that senior-year-in-high-school-spring-break-bad-decision right out. I screamed. It hurt like hell. For years the top of my bellybutton looked like it had floppy devil horns hanging upside down from it. I don’t want my ears to suffer the same fate. Occasionally I’ll sport my fancy earrings anyway when I want to live on the wild side or simply forget the dangers of fancy earring wearing. The only upside to wearing them is if you wear hoops. Then at least when you take your mask off, the hoopies catch the elastic and your mask can hang like a hammock from them if you don’t feel like putting your mask on your desk. 
      2. Name brand hand sanitizer. All I want for Christmas is some Germ-X or Purell. That cheap shit smells like tequila, and by nine a.m., WHILE I’M TEACHING CHILDREN, all I can think about is a giant top-shelf margarita. I’ve had to stop myself mid lesson from sniffing it because I’m all nostalgic for bygone Friday afternoon happy hours with my teacher friends. It’s not fair that my classroom smells like a Mexican restaurant when it’s unsafe to even patronize (Patrón-ize?) one currently. So if you walk past my classroom door and see me fondling a bottle of GermsNoMore and bringing it lovingly up to my nose, I might need you to come in and confiscate it and replace it with some chips and salsa, thank you very much. 

      If you need me for anything this Thanksgiving break, you can find me in my backyard wearing my favorite tortoise shell oversized hoopies sipping a massive margarita in my not-yet-purchased hammock. 


      What are the random things that you miss, friends?

      Posted in teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged funny, pandemic, teaching
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