In the Mrs. Ram Jam household as of late, Little Thing and I have been playing with language more than we’ve been playing with LOL Surprise Dolls, Barbies, and board games combined.
Since toddlerhood instead of calling Little Thing by name at a sentence’s end, I’ve taken the last word of a sentence, inserted a comma and the word chicken, and rhymed the next word with the word before chicken. For example, I say things like: Go to bed, Chicken Head! Shut the door, Chicken Hardcore! Brush your hair, Chicken Chair!
On the verge of second grade, Little Thing has caught on to my rhyming game and attempts the rhyming pattern herself. Her endeavors fall into five different categories: nonsensical, same word rhyme, benign, bemusing, and alarming.
Here are real, verbatim rhyme ventures, broken down by categories, quipped by Little Thing in the past few days:
Why did that wobble, Chicken Schwobble?
Same Word Rhyme:
I have to go to the bathroom, Chicken Bathroom.
What am I gonna wear, Chicken Spare?
Tomorrow it’ll be in the big can, Chicken Span.
I wish I could get the cat, Chicken Spat.
You might want to close the door, Chicken Bore.
Are you getting ready, Chicken Freddy?
We’re gonna be late, Chicken Watergate!
The ground’s covered in germs, Chicken Sperm! (Sidebar Number One: hollered while collecting her pool accouterments in earshot of a sunbathing, older woman.)
Are you gonna buy lipstick, Chicken Dick? (Sidebar Number Two: chirped in Walmart’s makeup aisle and overheard by a woman who threw hella eye daggers my direction.)
Now if you’re judging me instead of stifling a laugh, I don’t for one second believe Little Thing actually knows what “sperm” or “dick” means. She was simply putting sounds together to try to make things rhyme, but the coincidence isn’t lost on me.
She’s also been warned not to play this game with anybody else, and I feel like there’s an awkward conversation waiting to happen with her near future second-grade teacher.
On that note, what’s the most inappropriate thing your kid has ever said? I’m all ears, Chicken Dears!