Mrs. Ram's Jams

Monthly Archives: June 2018

• My One Year Blogiversary

  Posted at 1:11 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on June 30, 2018

  

  Happy one year blogiversary to me!

  What a fun journey it’s been! Blogging has satisfied my creativity, challenged my writing comfort zone, and opened my eyes to great blogs across the web.

  Gaining followers, getting likes, and breaking view records are welcomed pluses, but never my intent with posts. Unlike some bloggers, I’ve forgone a targeted, one topic platform and refuse sticking to a single writing format. I don’t promote my site aside from sharing my posts to friends on Facebook, Twitter, and, when I remember to, on Instagram.

  Despite this, my blog has been viewed over 7,600 times, and almost 4,500 different people have viewed it.  

  I’d call that a win for blogging on a whim.  

  I set a goal of posting weekly all year, and I have. Because I’m a colossal procrastinator, my posts’ caliber takes a hit thanks to my self-imposed Saturday deadline. My poetry suffers the most from ignored meticulous revision time. The diction choices in a few of my poems haunt me. For example in regards my poem  “Humdrum Humdrum White Noise,” one line reads “and help put the human back into humanity” when in hindsight “and hum the human back into humanity” sounds more melodic.

  And, I NEVER know which posts will gain more clicks than others. My most viewed post is “My New Normal: Meniere’s Disease” (524 views), but other chronic illness posts tanked in comparison. “A Mrs. Ram’s Jams Tale: Death of a Pair of Skinny Jeans“ (483 views) comes in as the second most viewed post. My self-deprecating posts perform well, so this one isn’t too surprising. “Thirty Seven More to Go” (316 views and my debut post) rounds out my top three viewed posts—mainly because it was first. None of the three are similar in subject and don’t make my top ten favorites.  

  Appearing in chronological order, my ten favorite are:

  • Rear-View Mirror Time Machine—134 views
  • Flapjack Osmosis—127 views
  • A Little Thing Tale: Tangly Tears—153 views
  • A Poem: Snot Rocket—70 views
  • A Poem: Invisible Illness Idioms—84 views
  • A Poem: Hate—49 views
  • A Little Thing Tale:  Language Loopholes—135 views
  • A Poem: A Teacher’s Line of Duty—253 views
  • A Poem: The Alarmish Schoolmarmish—91 views
  • A Little Thing Tale: The Pat Pat Pat—173 views

  It comes as no shock it’s half Little Thing stories and half poetry, or that the poetry is the least viewed of the two.   

  In fact, my poetry is consistently the least viewed, but my favorite to write.

  Go figure.

  Thanks for reading, rousing Facebook discussions, and positive feedback. It’s what keeps me writing.  

   

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  Posted in Uncategorized, writing | 8 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogiversary, blogs, writing

• Poetry: Humdrum Humdrum White Noise

  Posted at 4:35 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on June 21, 2018

  

  hum hum hum
  humming humming humming
  humdrum humdrum white noise

  If you’re lost in the hum, how can you find the humble?

  hobnobbing public pageantry
  hurling humdingers into profanity
  homogenizing vanity
  hovering behind hypocritical religiosity

  iconoclastic impostors of sanity

  humdrum humdrum white noise
  humming humming humming
  hum hum hum

  If you’re lost in the hum, how can you find humble?

  Hum? Hum? Hum?

  heave-ho the inanity, harrumphing, and humbugs
  and help put the human back into humanity
  and hush the white noise

  Posted in poetry, Uncategorized, writing | 0 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, hate, hum, poems, poetry, white noise, writing

• Poetry: Embarrassing Poems Mrs. Ram Jam Wrote in Middle School and High School.

  Posted at 10:52 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on June 15, 2018

  

  Like many teachers on summer vacation, I’m in the middle of deep cleaning my house and purging accumulated household clutter.

  Yesterday, I came across a red folder that my mom had sent me awhile ago.  In it, I found some of my EARLY poetry.  My best guess is it’s from middle school based off grammatical/mechanical/capitalization errors, ridiculous penmanship techniques, and the yellowed tinted loose leaf.

  Because I feel like embarrassing myself this week, please take a gander.

  

  Who the hell was I writing this poem about?  Why did I think it was cool to make circles above my i’s? Did I think that dreams and stars flew back then?

  

  What’s a “cleary”?  And if I was trying to make cleary happen, I should have at least capitalized it.  Jeeze, middle school Mrs. Ram Jam, you should know the difference between your and you’re.  Why are there c’s beneath every y and g?  Those lower case e’s look like backward threes.  Ugh.  My mother never let me stay out all night with a boy whilst in middle school.  What the hell.

  P.S.  Why am I obsessed with Orion?

  

  Now, I’d peg these two as from high school (Check out the evolution of my scribing skills, y’all!), and they’re not gag inducing mushy gushy, so that’s a plus.

  Whew, I’m glad that’s over with.

  I know that I wrote some delightful poems growing up (THESE ARE NOT THEM; I PROMISE.  I CAN SENSE YOUR JUDGEMENT, DAMMIT). When I go visit my mom in a few weeks, I’m totally going to hunt the awesome ones down and put them on blast for personal vindication.

   

   

  Posted in Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, embarrassing poems, poems, poetry, summer break, teachers on break

• Chronic Illness: Playing Phone Tag with Doctors’ Offices

  Posted at 5:32 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on June 8, 2018

  

  Because of chronic illnesses (fibromyalgia, Meniere’s disease, Raynaud’s, and IBS), I frequently contact my general practitioner, rheumatologist, ENT, and gastroenterologist.  Unfortunately, talking to someone alive the first go-round never happens.

  My doctors work for large hospital systems. For patients, no direct lines to a specific doctor’s office exist. I call the main hospital phone, listen to an automated message, press a bunch of numbers, get transferred to the doctor’s nurse’s line, and leave a message.  

  I completely sympathize. Medical professionals are overloaded just like teachers and can’t be constantly available therefore they use technology to filter and take messages.

  Also, I’m not calling to get free medical advice over the phone. I see my gastroenterologist every six weeks and my rheumatologist and ENT every six months. I schedule these appointments weeks or months in advance because it takes weeks or months to actually get an appointment. When my health suddenly shifts and I need specialist care, I call to make an appointment and often none are available. That’s when I resort to phone tag with doctors’ nurses because my doctors have expressly stated I can call and they will help via phone.    

  During the school year, it’s even harder to get in contact with doctors because I’m at work and in class before doctors’ offices open, I can’t call while I’m teaching, and my first break isn’t until 12:45 p.m. Then it normally takes an hour or two (or 24) for a return call.  (Again, I don’t expect an instantaneous return call. It’s like students expecting me to grade 100 five paragraph essays magically as soon as they get handed in. Not happening.)

  And if I miss the return call, then it’s necessary to repeat the aforementioned process because 98 percent of the time my call is returned when:

  • I’m using the bathroom, and my phone is on the kitchen counter, halfway across the house;
  • I’m driving through a school zone (No I don’t have bluetooth in my car, and yes it is still legal in Louisiana to be on a handheld device while driving–but not in school zones.);
  • I’m in class, and answering phones while teaching is severely frowned upon. #TeacherProblems;  
  • It’s my off period, and I could answer my phone, but I don’t get service in my classroom so by the time I sprint to an area with service, I’ve missed the call.  
  • I’m speaking with a different doctor’s nurse, and it’s rude to say, “Can you hold on for a sec?”;
  • Little Thing, watching Youtube Kids, has my phone and hangs up purposely instead of answering;
  • I’ve accidentally left my phone in the car for two minutes;  
  • I’ve forgotten to switch my phone off silent after the workday ends or after I wake up;

  OR

  • It’s 3:58 on a Friday afternoon, any bullet from above (except number three) conspires against me, and the doctor’s office closes at four–so I’m shit out of luck until Monday and the whole vicious cycle repeats.     

  I hate playing phone tag with the doctor’s office. The whole process is a colossal fiasco.  

  It’s 2018 people. I challenge the world to figure out a better way for doctors’ offices to communicate with patients.  A three or four phone call interaction per individual instance is comically ineffective.

  (I’ve even tried direct messaging doctors’ offices through apps like MyChart, but I’ve never gotten a written message back. The nurse calls in response to the emailed message. Go figure.)

  Surely the doctors’ nurses find themselves frustrated, too. Returning patient phone calls can’t be their only professional responsibility.

  How much time and money are wasted per salaried professional because of calling the same patient repeatedly over the same issue?

  Maybe it’s minimal, but the notion nags me–just like the fact that they’re never available when I am.    

  Posted in chronic pain, fibromyalgia, meniere's disease, Uncategorized, writing | 2 Comments | Tagged blogging, calling the doctor, chronic illness, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, meniere's disease, teacher problems, teaching, writing

• Losing a Former Student to Gun Violence

  Posted at 6:15 pm by Mrs. Ram Jam, on June 1, 2018

  

  Yesterday morning, a former student of mine was murdered.  

  He was found in his car with multiple gunshot wounds.

  He was only 25.

  He had just completed his first year of teaching middle school and will not experience his first summer off as a teacher.  

  He is Baton Rouge’s forty-second murder victim this year and will never see his forty-second year.

  Because he’s now a statistic, a victim of gun violence.

  http://www.wbrz.com/news/family-members-identify-man-killed-in-mulberry-street-shooting/

  I am angry. I am grappling for words. I am horrified.

  But I’m not trying to make this post about me.  

  This post is about you.

  You who allow gun violence to continue because your emotions about guns override fact and logic.  

  You who allow gun violence to continue because the gun lobby lines your pocket.  

  You who allow gun violence to continue while mass shootings are commonplace.

  You who allow gun violence to continue because you’re entitled.  

  Hey, you, when is enough enough?  

   

   

  R.I.P Brent Batiste. You were smart, sweet, and kind. And a joy to teach.

  Posted in gun violence, teaching, Uncategorized, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged blogging, blogs, gun violence, guns, teaching, writing

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